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Wheels of Fortune

‘Wheels of Fortune’

Season 9, Episode 16 -  Aired February 26, 2002

Frasier refuses to believe that Lilith's con-man brother, Blaine, is a changed man when he comes to Seattle.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Bravo, Blaine. This is the best one yet. But you forget with whom you're dealing. I've seen it all.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, the man is in a wheelchair.
Frasier: Which means that somewhere, someone is missing a wheelchair!

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Quote from Frasier

Daphne: Hello, Crane residence. Thank you. That was the doorman. Mr. Sternin's on his way up.
Frasier: So much for living in a security building.
Daphne: Come on now, Dr. Crane, maybe he wants to make amends.
Frasier: Daphne, let me acquaint you with the curriculum vitae of Mr. Blaine Sternin, or "Brad Cunningham" as he's known in Maine, "Royce Thibideaux" in Louisiana, and "Santana De La Cruz," the pride of Albuquerque, New Mexico. This is a man who once made a living selling rare autographs, until it was discovered that Madame Curie and Sugar Ray Robinson had the same handwriting. And would you care to see the deed to my 50,000-acre kelp farm?

Quote from Niles

Blaine: So, Martin, I see you also park in the blue zone.
Martin: Yeah, when I can. But those spaces are always filled.
Blaine: Ah, yeah, well that's probably partly my fault. Boy, I sold a lot of fake handicapped plates in my time. Boy, talk about a butt-load of poetic justice, huh?
Niles: Yes, I believe that is the basic unit of poetic justice.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, I guess I just needed a reminder that people really are capable of change.
Martin: Well, I got to be honest with you. I wasn't totally convinced myself until I saw him on stage. Before you came in, he was talking about all these things he did right after his conversion. Man, that guy was committed. He mopped up soup kitchens. He read to bedridden veterans. He even went to the Galapagos Islands to help clean the old off some fowls.
Frasier: He said that, did he?
[Frasier gets up from the couch and rushes out of the apartment. In the hallway, he finds a vacant wheelchair facing his door.]
Frasier: Blaine!

Quote from Frasier

Roz: Oh, you got a message. A Blaine Sternin called.
[Frasier jumps up in disgust]
Frasier: Blaine Sternin! Call him back, tell him I'd dead.
Roz: Sternin? Is he related to Lilith?
Frasier: Yes, he's Lilith's half-brother, the curse of the family. What does it say when Lilith is the good one?

Quote from Frasier

Roz: He sounded charming on the phone.
Frasier: Well, of course he sounded charming. Charm is the viscous grease with which he oils his flim-flam machine. The man will say anything to get what he wants!

Quote from Roz

Frasier: The only reason he'd be contacting me is to separate me from my money. The man is always coming with some sucker's sob story, while he's busy living the high life in Laughlin, Nevada. You know, he once stole from me a very precious antique, my 18th Century English salt server.
Roz: Well, if you don't mind Elvis, you can have mine.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Don't answer the front door or the phone. Lock all the windows. Blaine Sternin is in Seattle!
Daphne: Who?
Martin: Lilith's half-brother.
Niles: Is he the scoundrel that walked off with your 18th Century salt cellar?
Frasier: The very same!

Quote from Frasier

Daphne: Blaine Sternin. A package came for you this afternoon. I believe that was the name on the return address.
Frasier: What could he possibly be sending me? Daphne, you've got longer nails than I have.
Daphne: Open it yourself.
Frasier: All right. Well, what do you know? It's my salt server.
[Frasier and Niles gasp]
Niles: I've heard you speak about it, but I had no idea it was so magnificent.
Frasier: Just look at this beautiful gilding, and the exquisite but playful scrollwork.
Niles: And it has a tiny spoon.

Quote from Martin

Daphne: Aren't you going to read the note?
Frasier: Thank you, Niles. "Frasier, I apologize for any trouble I've caused, and hope you'll forgive me." He must think I've got turnips growing out of my ears. He's after something.
Martin: Yeah, hide the pepper.

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