Frasier: So, he's been camping before. Instead of this being something special between us, it's just another thing I've missed out on. This trip was a bust from the get-go. We leave at daybreak!
Martin: What's with you and daybreak?

Frasier: He doesn't seem very happy to be here. He hardly said two words to me.
Martin: Oh, it's perfectly normal. You're his dad. Kids that age don't want to talk to their dad.
Frasier: I never stopped talking to you.
Martin: [sighs] I know, buddy.

Martin: So did you have fun?
Frasier: Oh, yeah. It was a blast. He spent the entire time trying to ditch me. You know, I only get to see Freddie a few times a year. Usually, we make the most of it. Now all he wants to do is play that damn computer game.
Martin: Well, you know, Fras, he's not much different than you were at that age. Except instead of video screens and electronics, you always had your head in books.
Frasier: That's entirely different, Dad-
Martin: No, it isn't. We couldn't get you to do anything. You know, I remember when you read that Walden book. It was on the family camping trip.
Frasier: So? What better time to read about nature?
Martin: Well, that's just it. While you were in the cabin reading about it, we were outside enjoying it. You'd rather read about something than experience it firsthand.
Frasier: You know, my mentor remarked on that very thing.

Frasier: You know, I'm just about fed up with your sarcasm. I'm trying to do some father-son bonding here, so will you just butt out?
Martin: You know what? I just thought of something to write in this thing.

Frasier: It so happens I have big plans this weekend.
Roz: Let me guess. You and Niles are playing your zithers again at the Renaissance Fair.
Frasier: Roz, the Renaissance Fair is a fortnight after St. Swithin's Day.

Martin: When you hear that scratching at your window late at night, remember that young couple ... [thrusts out his hand, with a fork sticking out of the sleeve] and Fork Hand! [Frasier is not moved] Oh, come on. That's scary stuff. I told that to Duke last summer, and he wet his sleeping bag.
Frasier: Wait a minute. Isn't this Duke's sleeping bag?
Martin: Now you're scared.

Frasier: Is there something wrong, Roz? Because if there is, we should discuss it before it bleeds into your work.
Roz: I'm sorry. I'm just sick of hearing people complain about their love lives while I face another weekend without plans.
Frasier: Well, I empathize, but-
Roz: I know, look who I'm telling.

Daphne: You always smell so masculine after you've finished exercising.
Niles: It's the mango-kiwi shower gel.

Frederick: Why don't you just talk about it with Uncle Niles? [exits]
Frasier: Niles? Well, uh, yes, if that's what you'd like. We'll discuss it together.
Niles: "If the engine whistles, let it whistle till it is hoarse for its pain!"
Frasier: Oh, shut up, Niles.

Frasier: Freddie, I've made a decision. We are going to the woods.
Frederick: What for?
Frasier: We are going camping. It'll be good for the both of us.
Frederick: But I don't want to.
Frasier: Too bad. It'll be fun. Fathers and sons should do fun things together!
Frederick: You and Grandpa don't do fun things together.
Martin: Hey, leave me out of it.
Frasier: That's why he's coming along as well. There will be no T.V., there will be no electronics, there will be no distractions. Just three generations of Cranes cooking over a fire and sleeping under the stars. We leave at daybreak! [exits]
Martin: Good work, Freddie!