Niles: Have you seen today's Times?
Frasier: No.
Niles: Lucky for you, I saved you this copy. Take a look at Derek Mann's column.
Frasier: You know, this is the second time in as many days you've given me a paper. Have you ever considered getting yourself a route?

Frasier: Well, we've only got a few minutes left. So I would like to end today's program on a personal note. As some of you may know, yesterday, I was mentioned in Derek Mann's "Mann about Town" column. He said, and I quote, "I hate Frasier Crane." "I HATE Frasier Crane." What trenchant criticism. Move aside, Voltaire. Step back into the shadows, HL Mencken, there's a new kid in town. One can only wonder how many hours Derek Mann sat in the glow of his computer screen before his trembling fingers sprang to life and pecked out this chef d'oeuvre, "I hate Frasier Crane." A lesser critic would have wasted our time by presenting a well-thought out, point-by-point, constructive critique of this show. But, no, not our Mr. Mann. So, dear listeners, when Mr. Mann's column arrives on your doorstep, read it, enjoy it, and above all, treasure it. For, one day this man will join the pantheon of the immortals. And, if we're lucky, it'll be one day soon. I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.

Niles: Hello. I don't believe we've met.
Roz: Yes, we have, Niles. Three or four times. Roz Doyle.
Niles: Oh, of course. It was at the, uh- It was during the, uh- Oh, well, I'm far too successful to feel awkward. Where did we meet?
Roz: The radio station.
Niles: I'll take your word for it. Nice to see you again.

Niles: Apparently, Mr. Mann heard your program yesterday.
Frasier: So I see. "Yesterday afternoon, Dr. Frasier Crane got on my case 'for not giving a point-by-point criticism of his radio show.' Well, he asked for it, so here goes."
Roz: Oh, my God. His entire column is about your show.
Niles: Not very flattering, either. Towards the end, he even attacks your "dim-witted sidekick call screener".
Roz: That's me!
Niles: Oh, now I remember you.

Daphne: Good news. I parked on a broken meter. We're getting a freebie. Well, good luck, Dr. Crane, with the fight.
Frasier: Thank you, Daphne. Any psychic predictions on the outcome?
Daphne: Actually, yes, but don't worry. I'm frequently wrong.

Frasier: Hello, Niles.
Niles: Sorry I'm late, Frasier. Just as I was leaving, Maris had a run-in with a rude Directory Assistance operator and it shattered her calm.
Frasier: Niles, have you ever considered that maybe Maris is a bit high-strung? Maybe she should see someone.
Niles: She's seen everyone. Why do you think she was calling Directory Assistance?

Daphne: Evening, Dr. Crane.
Niles: Hello, Daphne. So good to see you again. An enchanting scent you're wearing.
Daphne: Must be the ranch dressing. Won't Mrs. Crane be coming?
Niles: No, I'm afraid not. And please no more of this "Dr. and Mrs. Crane" formality. To you, it's Niles and, uh...
Frasier: Maris.
Niles: Yes, Maris.

Martin: We thank you, Lord, for the food we're about to eat. You've blessed our table with Your bounty. And thank You, Lord, for bringing this family together. And we also thank You for the other gifts You have bestowed upon us. May we always remember to share with those less fortunate.
Frasier: [to Eddy] Oh, will you please stop staring!
Niles: I wasn't staring.
Martin: Amen.

Daphne: If I may ask, who's Derek Mann?
Martin: He writes that "Mann About Town" column for the Times. Boy, the things that guy comes out with! Sometimes, he's really funny. What did he say about you?
Frasier: "I hate Frasier Crane."
Martin: [laughs] Oh, sorry.
Frasier: That's it? "I hate Frasier Crane"?
Niles: That's it.
Martin: Ah, don't let it bother you.
Frasier: Well, actually, it doesn't, Dad. I knew when I chose a career in the public eye that I'd be open to certain criticism. It's the price I pay for my celebrity. But thank you for bringing the paper. And thank you for highlighting it in yellow.

Frasier: Well, Dad, I've every right to be upset about this. I will not enjoy my dinner until this is where it belongs, in the trash.
Niles: Oh, oh, oh. There was an article in there that I wanted to save.
Martin: On what?
Niles: Nothing.
Martin: Come on, I'm interested.
Niles: Oh, let's drop it.
Martin: Why can't you tell me?
Niles: All right. It was all about Margaret Thatcher's secret for growing prize-winning zinnias. Are you happy?
Martin: Not really.