Daphne: Well, stay calm, or you'll be on it forever.
Martin: How can I stay calm? I'm just sitting here expecting this thing to go off any second. I'm afraid to move. It's like I'm a prisoner. You know, that's just like doctors, isn't it? They're always finding some new way to torture you. Well, maybe I want my blood pressure to be high. Did they ever think of that? I mean, what... [the cuff beeps and starts to inflate] There it goes! You sneaky bastard!

Frasier: Dad, you know, here's a suggestion, if I may. Um... the next time you feel yourself getting annoyed, take a deep breath and then picture your anger as a red balloon drifting higher and higher above the clouds till it disappears.
Martin: And that'll get me back on nachos?

Daphne: Isn't this the most romantic thing you've ever seen?
Martin: If you say so.
Daphne: There's no greater passion than that between a woman and a ghost.

Frasier: So, Roz, what do you think?
Roz: I think he's a pretentious, arrogant toady.
Frasier: I love him, too. Just think of it Roz, a triple major at Harvard University. Why, he even plays the samisen! Come on, Roz, the samisen. It's a Japanese guitar-like instrument whose strings are plucked with a spatula.
Roz: I can hardly wait for the intern talent show.

Kirby: Hello, Roz. What have you been doing since I took you to my prom?
Roz: Mostly showering.

Roz: You're not really thinking of hiring Kirby, are you?
Frasier: Of course not, Roz. I've got my heart set on Lucius.
Roz: Me too. He plays the samisen!

Frasier: Say, how was the doctor's?
Martin: It stunk.
Daphne: Mr. Crane's pressure read a little high, so Dr. Stewart insisted he wear this monitor for 48 hours.
Frasier: Well that's troubling.
Daphne: Oh, don't worry, it's just a precaution. It takes his pressure at random intervals and sends the information right to a computer in the doctor's office. It's very clever.
Martin: It's not clever. It's an invasion of my privacy. Plus, they got me on that damn "Heart Smart" diet. Two days of salt and fat, gone. You don't get that back.

Martin: Daph, did you get my shirt back from the cleaners?
Daphne: It's in your room. I laundered it myself. There's no sense paying for dry-cleaning a work shirt.
Martin: Well, yes there is. I told you, they make us buy them ourselves. They cost a lot of money, you know. And I have to go all the way down to the uniform supply house and you can't park there because of all the construction that's... [the cuff beeps and inflates again] No, no, no! No, wait, wait, wait. Damn it all to hell!

Daphne: Oh, you have some messages, Dr. Crane. A Kirby called at 4:00, then again at 4:20 and 4:45. It was upsetting your father, so I turned the ringer off.
Frasier: Oh, dear. I promised him I'd help him find a job. There's so few for which he's qualified. And with the proliferation of self-serve gas stations, I'm afraid that narrows the field even further.

Frasier: Niles, we had a deal. Whenever I've found a case of rare wine, I've offered you half.
Niles: I understood that our deal only applied to vintages post 1965.
Frasier: That wasn't part of the agreement.
Niles: Well, I'll have to reread it.
Frasier: It was oral!
Niles: Oh, pity.