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The Botched Language of Cranes

‘The Botched Language of Cranes’

Season 2, Episode 6 -  Aired November 1, 1994

Frasier accidentally insults the entire city of Seattle on his radio show.

Quote from Martin

Roz: Frasier, after you left, the station manager stopped by. He's taking a lot of heat from the sponsors and he says if you cannot smooth this over, he may have to suspend you.
Frasier: Suspend me? Well, what's he going to put in my timeslot?
Roz: He'd have to run "The Best Of Crane."
Martin: What will he do on the second day?


Quote from Niles

[There's a violent knock at the door]
Frasier: Is anyone expecting visitors? Well, I suggest we all remain very, very quiet.
[Eddie starts barking]
Niles: I suddenly have this image of angry villagers wielding torches and pitchforks.
Roz: Frasier, open up, it's Roz!
Niles: Oh, dear, it's worse than I thought!

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Another radiant morning! Morning, dad. Do I drive to work today or just hail a passing gondola?!

Quote from Roz

Roz: Look, Dr. Crane was not bashing Seattle, he was sincerely trying to help that woman! Who's our sponsor? Pet Paradise. Well, fine, go ahead and boycott them. See how easy it is to flush your dead German Shepherd down the toilet!

Quote from Frasier

Roz: You know, I've got some requests here for some personal appearances. City College wants you to lecture.
Frasier: Fine, just tell me the date.
Roz: Okay. St. Bartholomew's Hospital wants you to emcee their annual benefit.
Frasier: Pass.
Roz: What, you're turning down a hospital?
Frasier: Yes. [without even looking at Roz] Don't look at me that way.
Roz: Hey, I'm with you, I hate the way those whiny sick people are always nagging you for things. "I want a magazine." "I want a kidney!"
Frasier: Roz, I have as much sympathy for sick people as you do, which is why I said yes when they asked me to appear last year. I bought an Armani tuxedo, spent a week working on my speech, postponed a trip to go see Frederick; then on the morning of the dinner they called me and told me they didn't need me because their first choice had become available, the irrepressible Kathie Lee Gifford!
Roz: God, way to hold a grudge!
Frasier: This is not about spite. This is about dignity. Dignity is a rare and fragile thing. Any other requests?
Roz: Yeah, the Miss Teenage Seattle pageant wants you to be a judge.
Frasier: Oh, I'll do that.
Roz: That's real dignified.
Frasier: A scholarship is involved!

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Don't tell me, was that a complaint about this rain business?
Roz: Yes and thanks to you I've been on the phone all morning.
Frasier: Oh, well, forgive me. From now on I'll stick to subjects like suicide and birth control, stay away from the
controversial stuff like weather!

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Alas, we're out of time. I'd like to just say, as I've been saying for the last three hours, it was not my intent to cause anyone offense but since it seems obvious that I have, I would like to say this: I apologize.
I do not find Seattle a depressing place to live. It would take more than clouds to obscure the beauty of her landscape and more than drizzle to dampen the warmth and good fellowship that makes Seattle the only place in this bad old world that I care to call home. Till Monday, then, this is Dr. Frasier Crane, signing off.
[Frasier presses a button. His demeanor changes]
Frasier: Good grief! Have you ever in your life have I heard from such a bunch of whiny, provincial crybabies. I swear to God, this entire city has lost it's tiny, rain-addled mind!
Roz: Uh, Dr. Crane, we're still on the air.
Frasier: Thank you, Roz. [presses the button firmly]

Quote from Niles

Daphne: Dr. Crane, are you sure you don't want me to try my hand there?
Niles: No, no, Daphne, this is no job for you. You might crack a nail or snag a cuticle. There, are we getting anything?
Martin: Does annoyed count?
Daphne: Oh, hush. If you hadn't bashed it with your cane because your precious Seahawks lost, we wouldn't need a new set now, would we? Isn't there a manual?
Niles: Yes, but unfortunately Stephen Hawking is not here to explain it to us.

Quote from Daphne

Martin: Don't answer that, Daphne.
Daphne: I can't abide the sound of a ringing phone.
Martin: It's just going to be another crank complaining about Frasier. They've been calling here all day.
Frasier: Oh, no, they've got my home number now?!
Daphne: Yes, but, just because the phone rings doesn't mean we have to answer it. Even though it could be Frederick calling to say he loves you or Grammy Moon calling to say her hip's gone out again. Still, we can't be swayed by a little ringing bell. Just because it's going ring ... ring ... ring. Or in the case of a British telephone; Ring-ring ... ring-ring ... ring-ring ... ring-ring ... ring-ring.
Frasier: Oh, just answer it, for God's sake.
Daphne: Thank you.

Quote from Niles

Daphne: Crane residence. Oh, no, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone, may I take a message? Oh, nice language that! I hope you don't eat with that mouth!
Niles: Daphne, Daphne, excuse me. [takes the phone] Now see here, how dare you speak to a lady that way.
Yes, well, that's no excuse, ma'am! Well, only a coward makes threats over the phone, I dare you to come here and say that to my face. [laughs] Never you mind where I live! [hangs up]

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