Bob 'Bulldog' Briscoe Quotes Page 1 of 12

Quote from Selling Out

Frasier: What is this with my name on it, Roz?
Roz: That's the contract for the Hunan Palace gig. That's how much they were going to pay you. I guess I need them to change the name on here to "Bulldog".
Frasier: They pay you that much just to read some copy?
Roz: Yes. Of course, Bulldog usually adds his own special touch.
Bulldog: [Gong] [in a stereotypical Chinese accent] You will come, chop chop to Hunan Palace, where Peking duck is always extra crispy. [rustles paper, duck whistle]
Roz: We're gonna get sued this time for sure.

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Quote from Frasier's Imaginary Friend

Frasier: You know, frankly, I don't have time for this nonsense. What I did or did not do on my vacation is none of your concern. Don't you have better things to do than to speculate about my sex life?
Bulldog: Oh, "Frasier Crane's sex life." Hey, there's a word for that. It's an Oxy... Oxy...
Roz: ...moron!
Bulldog: Hey, wow, easy. I'll get it.

Quote from Space Quest

Bulldog: Hey, where the hell's my Cosell tape? Somebody stole my Cosell tape! This stinks. This is total BS! This- Oh, here it is.

Quote from Halloween

Bulldog: Hey, tell your brother I'm coming to his charity thing tonight. I just found the perfect costume.
Frasier: And as what literary character will you be attending?
Bulldog: Waldo! [Frasier looks at him blankly] From "Where's Waldo?" He's in, like, sixteen books! You call yourself well-read.

Quote from Leapin' Lizards

Frasier: [answering the telephone] Hello?
Bulldog: [posh voice] Hello, this is Dr. Julius Irving. I'm calling for Dr. Niles Crane. His receptionist said he might be there.
Frasier: I'm sorry, I am expecting him if you'd like to leave a message.
Bulldog: No, no, nothing important. Some of the boys here at the club have a little bet going about "The Mikado."
Frasier: Well, perhaps I can help. I'm Niles's brother, Dr. Frasier Crane, and as luck would have it I was in an all-male version of "The Mikado" at Oxford. People still ask to see my Yum-Yum.
Bulldog: I don't suppose you happen to remember the words to "Three Little Maids"?
Frasier: Well, let me see. Well, of course my falsetto isn't what it used to be but, um... [singing in falsetto:] "Three little maids from school are we, prim as a school girl well may be, filled to the brim with girlish glee, three little maids from school!"
[Martin enters with his radio, laughing]
Frasier: Dad, would you please be quiet? I'm trying to settle a bet here.
Martin: You sure are! Some caller bet Bulldog he couldn't make you sing over the air. [laughs]
Bulldog: Sayonara, Doc!

Quote from Ham Radio

Frasier: Please introduce me to your guests.
Roz: This is the silk merchant, Mr. Wang.
Bulldog: [laughs]
Frasier: Stop the watch. What's your problem?
Bulldog: Wang? You've gotta give me another name, I'll crack up every time I hear that.
Frasier: All right, all right. How about Wing? All right, that's a great old Chinese name. Everybody change Wang to Wing in your scripts.
Daphne: Sound of people changing Wangs to Wings.

Quote from Oops

Bulldog: My girlfriend threw me out. She said the only reason she was with me was because I was on the radio. Can you believe that? Eight years we've been together. I loved that woman. Even when I was tomcatting around, I loved that woman. God, that job was my life, and now I've been blackballed in this business, and all because of my stupid temper. [picks up a piece of African art] What is this, anyway?
Frasier: Oh, that's an exceedingly rare fertility symbol from a small nomadic tribe in Ghana.
Bulldog: I guess when they were passing out equipment, this guy was in the back of the line.

Quote from Can't Buy Me Love

Bulldog: 4 for 17 on Sunday, he calls himself a quarterback? I've passed kidney stones with more accuracy.

Quote from Can't Buy Me Love

Bulldog: Well, look who's just crawled into the doghouse, it's Dr. Frasier Crane! And you know what we always do when we get a house call from the doctor.
Tape: [An Italian accent] Droppa your pants and bend over, I take-a your temperature.
Frasier: Hello, Bulldog.
Bulldog: So, doc? Who's your pick for the Giants-Saints game this weekend?
Frasier: The Giants.
Bulldog: You're kidding!
Frasier: The Saints?
Bulldog: You're kidding!
Frasier: Somebody has to win.
Bulldog: Yeah. They would if the Giants and Saints were playing this weekend! [plays a tape of donkey noises]
Frasier: Yes, that was very funny indeed. I wished you'd played it on my show. It deserves to be heard by a much larger audience. Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

Quote from Slow Tango in South Seattle

Frasier: Roz, Roz, you haven't told anyone about this, have you? They'll have a field day with me.
Roz: Frasier, give me credit for a little discretion, would you?
Bulldog: Hey, piano boy! Way to pound those ivories!
Frasier: Bulldog, Bulldog. Listen, it is imperative that this not be commonly known.
Bulldog: Hey, doc, it's no big deal. [Bulldog hits the vending machine with his head] Anything for you? I've still got some feeling on the other side of my head. Look, I had a similar experience when I was sixteen, with an older woman who introduced me to the mysteries of love. Of course, she was a hooker. [Roz looks shocked] Hey, it was a birthday present from my dad, okay? You wanna know the ironic thing, doc? All I wanted was a bike!

Quote from Roz in the Doghouse

Bulldog: Well, I kinda feel responsible for you being on the disabled list. So I brought you some deli.
Frasier: Nothing says I'm sorry like fatty meats.
Bulldog: You got your pastrami, coleslaw- Okay, where's the french fries? I ordered french fries! This stinks! This is total B.S.! That apron boy is gonna- Oh, here they are.

Quote from Retirement is Murder

Niles: Hello, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, oh, Bulldog, have you met my brother Niles? Niles, this is Bulldog Briscoe.
Niles: Oh, oh, oh. Just the man I want to talk to. As a sports expert I'm sure you can tell me why none of the local media carry the Ivy League squash standings.
Bulldog: [laughing] Whoa! Another one just like you. Some gypsy put a curse on your family? Well, I gotta run.
See you later, Miles.
Niles: It's, it's Niles.
Bulldog: Like it matters.

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