Previous Episode Next Episode 
Fool Me Once, Shame on You. Fool Me Twice...

‘Fool Me Once, Shame on You. Fool Me Twice...’

Season 2, Episode 14 -  Aired February 7, 1995

Frasier refuses to give up faith in humanity when his briefcase is stolen.

Quote from Daphne

Daphne: This whole thing reminds me of when I first moved to London. I was very mistrusting of people back then. I was convinced the way to stay out of harm's way was to walk straight with me eyes cast down, never meeting anyone's glance. But finally, I decided that was no way to live. So one day, I just lifted up me chin and took it all in. Well, the change was amazing. There were sights I'd never seen, sounds I'd never heard. A tiny old man came up to me with a note in his hand. He needed help. I realized this was no city full of thieves and muggers. There were people here who needed me. I took his note, read it, and to this day, I can remember just what I said to that man. "That's not how you spell fellatio."


Quote from Roz

Niles: So, that's a nice jacket.
Roz: Thank you.
Niles: Offbeat.
Roz: And what is that supposed to mean, "offbeat"?
Niles: Well...
Roz: No, wait, I think I know exactly what it means. Offbeat as in cheap. Well, excuse me for not being rich enough to shop at the International House of Tight-Ass like you and Maris the heiress! That is what you meant, right?
Niles: Yes, but I had no idea you'd pick up on it.
Roz: Then you were insulting me.
Niles: Yes, but you got in a couple of good shots yourself.
Roz: I did, didn't I? I'm so glad we did this.
[Frasier returning to see Niles and Roz shake hands]
Frasier: You know, sometimes I am such a good therapist, I scare myself.

Quote from Niles

Frasier: So, Roz, you gonna join us?
Roz: No, I think I'll just go sit over here.
Niles: Roz? Are you trying to avoid me?
Roz: Well, can you blame me? I mean, it took you nearly a year just to learn my name and every time we sit together, you have some kind of snide remark to make.
Niles: Name one.
Roz: Well, last week you told me my bedroom was easier to get into than a community college.
Niles: I was hoping that would be the one you'd name.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Please, why don't we sit here by the window so we can see him when he comes?
Niles: Oh, your good Samaritan?
Frasier: Yes. You know, I have to tell you Niles, I'm feeling rather good about this whole thing. Granted, I did lose my wallet and my favorite suit. But, still, mostly everything else was intact. My date book, my spare set of car keys, my fountain pen. But, best of all, what has remained intact is my sense that people are basically trustworthy.
Niles: Frasier, the person who has your car keys asked you to meet him here, knowing you'd bring your car?
Frasier: Now, now. Before you launch into one of your little paranoid riffs, my car happens to be ... [looks out the window] ... moving down the street! Oh, my God! Stop! Stop that well-dressed man!

Quote from Niles

Niles: Allow me. [Holds the door open for a woman who breezes through without acknowledgement.] You're welcome. [to Frasier] When did everyone become so boorish? Honestly, sometimes I think I'm the only person left in the world with any sense of refinement. Ooh! Ooh! Smell my hands!
Frasier: Thank you, no.
Niles: I'm just so proud. I had to stop for gas, and I pumped it myself! It's part of a new kick I'm on.
Frasier: Which is what?
Niles: I'm learning to be handy. I've decided I depend too much on other people, so I'm doing it myself. Ooh, feel that. Tell me that's not the start of a first-rate callus.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: [to Martin] I'm sorry, but that's just a little cynical for me. I don't want to go through life thinking the worst of people. I prefer to think of them as basically good and decent. [into phone] Yes, I am here, but you know, I'm sorry, I'm in the middle of a speech right now, so you'll have to hold! [places the phone on hold] Truth is, I enjoy my life that way. If the price I have to pay is to replace a few credit cards from time to time, well then, so be it.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, I can't tell you how much fun it's been chatting with you all today, nasty old Gertrude aside. But, I'd like to close the show with a personal message. This goes out to the person who stole my briefcase yesterday. And, as it turns out, also stole my dry cleaning this morning with the claim ticket that was inside it. You need help, and I am here to provide it. Oh, also, the double-breasted navy blue suit was meant to be worn with French cuffs and medium heel wing tips. You may be sick, but there's no reason why you shouldn't be stylish. Until tomorrow, this is Dr. Frasier Crane.

Quote from Frasier

Phil: Damn it! How did you find me?
Frasier: Well, a certain Denise called the station today. She had to cancel your little rendezvous.
Phil: Great. And I put on my best suit.
Frasier: No, you put on my best suit.

Quote from Frasier

Heather: [pointing at Frasier] There he is. He's the man who's been impersonating Frasier Crane.
Officer: All right, let's go.
Frasier: Oh, what are you talking about? I am Frasier Crane!
Officer: Do you have identification?
Frasier: Well, no, no. But it's the truth. [to Phil] Tell them.
Phil: Thank God you got here when you did, officer! I detained him as long as I could!
Frasier: What?!
Officer: Move it.
Frasier: But he's lying! He's the imposter! Don't you people recognize me?! Oh, for goodness sake! This is madness! I can't believe this is happening! People of the world, listen to me! Trust no one, especially that lazy bastard!

Quote from Martin

Martin: Somebody stole your briefcase, huh?
Frasier: Yes, all right, Dad, go ahead. Tell me how stupid I was to get taken advantage of that way. It's certainly better than listening to "Jumping Jack Flash" arranged for piano and flute.
Martin: I don't think you were stupid. These guys are pros. They just need a second, like that, and they're out the door.
Frasier: Well, that's rather refreshing. I was expecting you to call me every name from a naive dupe to a-
Martin: Bone-headed rube?
Frasier: But you're not.
Martin: No, I'm not. The important thing is you learned a lesson. You got to keep your guard up. This world would be a happier place if everybody would remember two little words: People stink.

Page 2