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The Innkeepers

‘The Innkeepers’

Season 2, Episode 23 -  Aired May 16, 1995

After they hear one of Seattle's finest restaurants is closing down, Frasier and Niles decide to buy the place.

Quote from Roz

Niles: Don't touch! The smallest smudge decreases its value.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, guess what thriving Seattle night spot is closing its doors.
Niles: Roz, you're moving.
[Roz takes Niles' rare book and licks the cover]


Quote from Niles

Frasier: Niles, tonight let's go to Orsini's for one glorious farewell dinner.
Niles: Why not? I'll make the reservations. We'll take Dad and Daphne.
Frasier: Great. Will Maris be joining us?
Niles: Oh, sadly no. She had a bad experience there one Christmas Eve. An Italian soccer team was at the next table. Maris announced she was in the mood for a goose and, perhaps inevitably, tragedy ensued.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Now, for those of you who are leaving, please keep us in mind for your next special occasion. We plan many new and exciting innovations in the weeks to come. [A car smashes through the wall. The customers scream.] Starting with our ... our drive-through window.
Otto: Number twenty-three is ready.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: All right, stop it. Get a grip. You're not being asked to do anything that none of us hasn't done before in our own kitchens in our own homes. Now quick, Niles, kill five eels.

Quote from Martin

Martin: Man, those eels are starting to stink.
Niles: Dad, for an hour you've been circling us like a shark. Why don't you just give us your little speech and get on with it?
Martin: Hey, come on, I know you guys. You're gonna punish yourselves enough without me chiming' in.
Frasier: Thanks.
Niles: Appreciate it.
Martin: Hey, I'm your dad. [answering the phone] Hello, Happy Brothers Restaurant. Table for two? Yeah,
no problem. Smoke-damaged or non-smoke-damaged?

Quote from Frasier

Niles: You know, Frasier, Dad has a point. A lot of people have lost a lot of money in this business for one reason: they picked the wrong name.
Frasier: True, Niles, but I've got something very special. I was thinking about this while Dad was talking. "Maison Crane." Oh, God, you're right, it's a little too obvious.
Niles: We want our name to be inviting and welcoming. Oh, oh, what's the word for "lighthearted" in French?
Frasier: There isn't one.

Quote from Daphne

Niles: Frasier, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Frasier: I'm picking out china and sandblasting the wine cave.
Daphne: Owning a restaurant is hard work. If you don't scald yourself or lop off a finger with a cleaver, you spend your whole time gagging at grease fires, killing rats and brawling with labor racketeers. Me auntie had a little tea room.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Well, instead of individual soufflés, bake one large soufflé and dish the portions out at the table. When people hear the name Niles Crane, I want them to think "big soufflé."

Quote from Gil

Roz: Gil, why is Orsini's closing?
Gil: Well, the owner's getting old, he wants to sell. And just between us, I'm afraid Orsini's a bit like wine that's
stayed too long in the cellar. It retains only memories of its former glory.
Frasier: Not comping your check anymore?
Gil: Not for months now.

Quote from Niles

Martin: Wait a minute! Don't tell me you two are seriously considering doing a dumb-ass, idiotic thing like buying this place?
Frasier: With all due respect, Dad, we are not exactly neophytes in this field. We know food, we know wine.
Niles: Lord knows we have style, taste and refinement.
Martin: You see, that's what always gets you guys in trouble. You don't think about the hard work or the long hours. No, to you, owning a restaurant is just wearing fancy clothes, hobnobbing with your friends and turning your enemies away at the door.
Niles: I hadn't even thought about that!

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