Martin: What happened?
Frasier: Well, it started off well enough. First they seated us at a superb table, much better than the one next to us, at which, unfortunately, they sat Daphne and Donny.
Martin: Oh, jeez.
Frasier: They were being very affectionate, of course,whispering, laughing, holding hands.
Niles: This in a place where people were trying to eat.
Frasier: Well, in an attempt to make things better, I suggested that Niles and I switch seats so that he could face the other table. Of course, only moments later they seated Maris there with her new boyfriend. Also being affectionate.
Niles: Grooming each other like spider monkeys. She was deliberately taunting me, playing the same coquettish games we used to play in restaurants, batting her eyes and coyly hiding behind her breadstick.

Martin: Hey, boys, how was dinner?
Niles: Oh, let's just say when I picked my lobster out of the tank I had no idea that he was in for a better evening than I was.

Niles: And then to top it all, the Pouille Foussé we ordered was a grave disappointment.
Frasier: Yes, well I urged him to send it back, but no, he didn't want to create a scene in front of Daphne.
Niles: Not that she would have even noticed, the way Donny was feeding her forkfuls of risotto, as if she had lost her arms instead of her mind. What is she doing with him?!
Martin: Well, some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed.
Niles: Well, at the Shangri-La, the highlight of my day is getting out of bed, so I can slam it back up into the wall.

Niles: Oh, I'm home. Oh, I can already feel the last four months dropping away.
Frasier: Yes, soon Africa will be just a memory.

Daphne: It was good of you to go to all this trouble for your brother, Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Oh, well, in a way I felt responsible.
Niles: Oh, really? I don't why. Just because you sublet my apartment to Bojangles the Loon?

Carol: You must tell us all about your African tour, Dr. Crane.
Alfred: Yes, did the local people actually enjoy your lectures?
Niles: Well yes, quite a bit. Except of course for the pygmies. Most of it went right over their heads.

Niles: Oh, the rest of the board, pleased to see you.
Mrs. Latimer: Dr. Crane, while you were on the subcontinent did you happen to spot any rare African water fowl?
Niles: Just one, but it was already spotted.

Daphne: Oh God, look at that. She must have swallowed my earring. That's what killed her.
Niles: Oh, that means we don't have to destroy the hors d'oeuvres. Frasier, Frasier, stop! Are there any left?
Frasier: Yes, we're in luck. This intrepid little crab puff has survived. Now all I need is a very sharp knife and sixteen toothpicks.

Mrs. Latimer: By the way, where is that adorable bird of yours?
Niles: Um, she's resting. Travel really takes it out of her.
Mrs. Latimer: You didn't take her with you to Africa, surely?
Niles: Well, she has family there.

Alfred: They already told you. Your father killed Mrs. Latimer. Mrs. Hawkins saw him.
Frasier: Mrs. Hawkins thought she saw him.
Mrs. Latimer: No, Martin did kill me. He's got a lot to learn about playing gently.
Frasier: Mrs. Latimer, we have already broken the "no-eating while dead" rule but we'll stand fast on the "quiet" one. [puts a crab puff in her mouth]