Martin: Eddie's vet told me to get a gecko. It's a cricket-predator. You know, like you get lady-bugs to eat aphids, if somebody would let me grow tomatoes on the terrace.
Frasier: Dad, I told you, it's a condo board regulation: no fruiting plants.
Martin: Whatever. Anyway, just give me a half-an-hour and I'll have that pesky cricket out of the kitchen and inside this gecko.
Frasier: I see. So we set a lizard loose to catch the cricket?
Martin: Mmm-hmm.
Frasier: Then what? We get an owl to eat the gecko? Then we get a tiger to eat the owl? What eats the tiger, Dad? Tell me that!
Martin: An alligator, for one, smart guy.

Niles: Oh, Daphne, I have to take the roast out of the oven. I need the recipe for the glaze. Could you get it? It's in my briefcase; in the "Burnt Sienna" colored folder.
Daphne: No problem. [looks to Martin]
Martin: Brown. But don't tell anyone I know that.

Daphne: So, how was your trip, Mr. Crane?
Martin: Oh, the hunting was awful. I didn't bag a damned thing. Duke and I sat there for two days just waiting for something to happen. It's like when Frasier took me to see Nicholas Nickleby. Thank God this time I had a gun!

Frasier: Dad, what have I told you about bivouacking in the entrance way?
Martin: I'm sorry.
Frasier: Well, how was your hunting trip?
Martin: Oh, came home empty-handed.
Frasier: Oh, dear. I guess that means for the next several weeks we'll hear you grouse about the grouse and carp about the carp.
Niles: You've been working on that, haven't you?
Frasier: Well, there was traffic.

Daphne: So.... This woman is in love with you.
Niles: What?
Daphne: Heather Murphy. Says right here she's obsessed with you.
Niles: Oh, oh. Wrong file. You're not supposed to look at that.
Daphne: Yeah, I can see why. And when were you planning on telling me about this?
Niles: Um, never. These are session notes. They're confidential.
Daphne: But she is in love with you?
Niles: First of all, I can't discuss the woman in this file, which, by the way, is clearly umber and not "burnt sienna".

Frasier: I think it's coming from in here.
Niles: What?
Frasier: Dad has brought home a cricket.
Niles: A cricket? Get behind me, Daphne.

Frasier: I tell you, Roz, it was the worst night of my life. Just as I begin to doze off, the damned cricket would start stridulating again. Honestly, have you any idea what it's like to be awaken intermittently throughout an entire night?
Roz: I have a three-year-old. I can't remember the last time I slept through a night.
Frasier: Yes, of course, but this constant chirping and chirping, over and over. Really, you can't imagine it.
Roz: Really? Did the cricket crawl into bed with you? Did the cricket throw up on you?
Frasier: Gee, I wish I had a three-year-old so I could win every argument.

Roz: Okay, so who is she?
Daphne: Who's who?
Roz: Niles's patient?
Daphne: All right. I saw one of his files by mistake. The woman is madly in love with him.
Roz: So who is she?
Daphne: Her name is Heather Murphy.
Roz: Heather, huh? That's trouble. What else do you know?
Daphne: That's it. I only got a quick look at the files.
Roz: So what are you going to do?
Daphne: Nothing. Niles said he can't talk about his patients. So, what choice do I have? I should trust him.
Roz: If I found out some babe was after my guy, I would have to know everything about her. What she looks like, her profession, what she's being treated for.
Daphne: Yeah, I don't think that's relevant.
Roz: What if she's a sex addict?
Daphne: You can be treated for that?
Roz: So they say.

Frasier: I tried closing my door, I can still hear it. [cricket sounds] Dear God, can't you make him shut up?
Martin: That prayer doesn't get answered around here.

Daphne: So what do you know about transference?
Frasier: Oh, more than most.
Daphne: Is it true that patients can actually fall in love with their therapists?
Frasier: Oh, yes. Yes, as a matter of fact it's quite common. You see, in a therapeutic setting a doctor's empathy can be misconstrued as romantic interest, especially when the patient is of a particularly vulnerable nature.
Daphne: But therapists never return those feelings, right?
Frasier: Well, they're not supposed to. But it does happen. Uh, well, I mean, think about it, really, it's- We are human. Transference can be very, very powerful. I remember back in my days of private practice, uh, I did have my share of female adulation.
Roz: Oh my God, were you able to cure them?
Frasier: I'm not a miracle worker, Roz.