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Frasier Loves Roz

‘Frasier Loves Roz’

Season 3, Episode 22 -  Aired May 7, 1996

Frasier is conflicted when Niles confides in him about a womanising patient, who just happens to be Roz's new boyfriend. As Frasier tries to warn Roz while keeping Niles' confidence, she gets the idea that Frasier is in love with her.

Quote from Niles

Niles: What's the point of going to Switzerland without spending a day on the slopes? So I ducked out of the conference and who should I run into, but Maris? She'd just flown in for her yearly goat placenta treatments.
Frasier: Good Lord, is it placenta treatment time again already?
Niles: We had a set-to on the slopes. She ran, I tried to follow her tracks in the snow, but alas, she made none.


Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Go ahead, Tom. I'm listening.
Tom: "Hi, Dr. Crane. Uh, it's about my girlfriend. My problem is, I don't know if I love her for herself or because things are so great between us physically."
Frasier: Well, how long have you two been together?
Tom: "Six years."
Frasier: And the sex is still that good?
Tom: "Oh man, Dr. Crane, every morning, night, three times a day on weekends. But I'm not sure we have much else in common."
Frasier: Well, common interests are of course the foundation of- Three times, you say?
Tom: "Is that abnormal?"
Frasier: Well, uh, no, no, it's not abnormal. It's not fair, but it's not abnormal. Um, but you know, perhaps you share more things than you think you do actually. I'll tell you what, try this: why don't you pick up a catalog from a local university, go through it with her and see if there are any courses you'd like to take together?
Tom: "That's a good idea. Thanks, Doc. Have a great weekend."
Frasier: Well, I'd wish you the same but it hardly seems necessary.

Quote from Frasier

Roz: Niles called from the airport; he wants you to call him back. He sounded frantic!
Frasier: I'll call him from the car. Yes, he's flying to a conference in Switzerland. I promised to talk him through it.
Roz: Surely he's flown before?
Frasier: Well, not coach.

Quote from Roz

Frasier: Roz, is this the dress you're wearing to the wedding?
Roz: I have to, I'm a bridesmaid.
Frasier: Is there a reason it has to be so, so...?
Roz: Hideous? It's supposed to be, so that way, the bride, by comparison, will glow. Next to this baby, she'll light up like a bug zapper. You know, of all my friends in Wisconsin, this girl was the last one I thought would beat me to the altar.
Frasier: Not the Dairy State's comeliest chunk of cheddar?
Roz: Let's just say she works in her father's ice cream parlor and she eats her mistakes. The groom's family makes cones.
Frasier: Oh, well, we don't need Freud for that, do we?

Quote from Frasier

Roz: The whole thing is just so depressing. Lately everyone I know is settling down, getting married, having children. What am I doing wrong?
Frasier: Well, do you want me to answer as a friend or a therapist?
Roz: As a friend.
Frasier: See a therapist.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Oh, now serving one hundred and fifty-one.
Frasier: Good God. He's here to see Roz?
Niles: Yes, well, no doubt they met when Sealy Posturepedic named them Man and Woman of the Year.

Quote from Martin

Frasier: All you have to do is just sit here and talk about your life.
Martin: Life's got nothing to do with it. This is about me dying and you having something to look at after I'm dead. The whole thing gives me the creeps.
Frasier: I can't believe you're refusing to record your history, the story that only you, Martin Crane, can tell, because it gives you the creeps.
Martin: Okay, then, I'll tell you the real truth. My Indian heritage forbids it. I'm afraid your magic box will rob me of my spirit.

Quote from Daphne

Roz: Frasier is the one who told me to find myself a new boyfriend. Someone who is settled, someone more nurturing, someone with substance over flash.
Daphne: They could put that on Dr. Crane's tombstone.

Quote from Frasier

Bulldog: Yo, Doc. When are you going to return my video camera? I got a hot date tonight and I want to record certain events for posterity, if you know what I mean.
Frasier: Uh, tomorrow, Bulldog. Well, maybe tonight you could just have a police sketch artist crouch on your balcony.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: [to himself] Me and my stupid advice. [Noticing the "On-Air" light] Will be with you for the next three hours, Seattle!

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