Frasier: You know, Lilith actually told me the other day that Frederick has taken to lying. Yes, he told all of his friends that Lilith is an alien.
Martin: Seems as good an explanation as any.
Frasier: He also told them that she wears her hair in a bun to hide the third eye in the back of her head.
Roz: How did Lilith find out?
Frasier: Well, apparently she was driving him and two of his friends over to a Junior Mensa meeting, she looked in the rear-view mirror and saw that they were making faces at the other cars. Never have the words "I can see you!" caused so much screaming and wetting of pants.

Frasier: [showing a guest out] Glad you came back with us. I hope you had a good time. Well, I can't tell you how much fun this has been. Listen, now that you know the way don't be a stranger. OK. Good night! [after closing the door] Who the hell was that?
Niles: He's not from the station?
Roz: I never saw him before.
Daphne: He was table-hopping like crazy during the awards.
Martin: That's 'cause he was our waiter.
Frasier: Well, that's the last time I say, "everybody back to my place!"

Niles: An argument can certainly be made that a lie is good when it spares someone unnecessary pain. I'm reminded of Maris's brief flirtation with active wear when I assured her, "You look fine, darling. Spandex is supposed to blouse."

Daphne: I did my fair share of fibbing too. I once told my school chums I was born with a tiny embryonic twin attached to me hip. Of course they were horrified and it didn't help my social life at all. Oh, but for a while there it was nice having a sister.
[Niles takes Daphne's glass of wine away]

Frasier: Well, I guess that brings an end to our little debate. Apparently there are no good lies.
Bulldog: Hey, hey, it's getting kinda heavy in here. We gotta liven this place up, huh? Hey, I know. Party games, huh? All right Doc, I'm going to need a blindfold, some whipped cream and a glass coffee table. What? Nobody here went to camp?
Roz: Forget it, Bulldog. These guys are no fun. [Roz grabs Bulldog's butt as she walks by] You know what? I know a great after-hours place where we can go get a few drinks.
Bulldog: [following Roz to the front door] Now you're talking. Hey, if things go well I know an after after-hours place. I got the keys.
Roz: Mmm. You get the elevator. I'll get my coat.
Bulldog: You're on.
[After Bulldog walks out, Roz closes the door and locks it.]
Roz: No good lies, my ass.

Frasier: I doubt most people are as tuned to these things as you and I are. I'm sure they won't even notice.
Waitress: [to Frasier] Here you are, double espresso. [to Niles] I took a chance and brought you the same thing.

Niles: You're not going down to the jail?
Frasier: Yes, I am. I invite you to join me.
Niles: Oh, yes, that's a good idea, Frasier. The Crane boys going to a prison in matching outfits.

John Rajeski: How is Niles, anyway?
Frasier: Ah, uh, ah... He's abroad now.
John Rajeski: Really? Whoa, that must have hurt.
Frasier: No, no, I mean- Yes, I suppose it did.

Niles: I hope you remembered to tell him I was an expatriate.
Frasier: I told him you were an ex-something.

Frasier: You know, I just feel so guilty. I have done this man a terrible injustice.
Daphne: You know, Dr. Crane, I've always believed life has a way of balancing itself out. Yes, you may have treated this man unfairly, but think of all the people you've helped on your show. Just yesterday you reconciled that couple on the brink of divorce. And today you helped Molly from Tacoma overcome her addiction to Swedes.
Frasier: That was "sweets", not Swedes.
Daphne: I thought it was strange when you told her to limit herself to one or two after meals.