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Something About Dr. Mary

‘Something About Dr. Mary’

Season 7, Episode 16 -  Aired February 17, 2000

When Roz takes a week off work, Frasier finds a temporary producer who quickly makes her mark on his show. Frasier fears he might appear racist if he tells Dr. Mary to limit her contributions to the show.

Quote from Frasier

Martin: Oh, Fras, how did the show go?
Frasier: It was very educational. Today, Mary taught us how to manipulate our husbands... by withholding sex. And she taught us how to lie to our children about the past.
Martin: Boy, that Dr. Mary sure goes on and on.
Frasier: For the last time, she is not a doctor. No matter how many times she refers to herself as one. "A cat can have kittens in the oven but that don't make 'em biscuits!" ... Dear God, now I'm quoting Grandpa Willie.

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Quote from Frasier

Roz: Why did I ever decide to redecorate my bathroom? They give you about a thousand decisions to make. After a while, you can't even tell the colors apart.
Frasier: Oh, Roz, perhaps my discerning decorative eye can be of some assistance, let me see here.
[Frasier arranges the color cards on the table]
Frasier: This one's Ecru, that's Eggshell and this, of course, is Navajo White.
Roz: Very good, Frasier. Now, let's see how you do on the color side.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Just exactly how would that go? Why don't you play me and I'll be Mary.
Niles: All right. Uh, Mary?
Frasier: Frasier.
Niles: I've been meaning to speak to you. You know, people listen to the show for my expertise.
Frasier: Oh, so my opinion's not worth anything?
Niles: Well, I'm the one with the medical degree. Now, I want you to contribute, but only up to a point.
Frasier: So, you want me to stay in my place, massa!
Niles: She's not going to say "massa"...
Frasier: [adopting the gestures associated with the stereotype of a sassy African-American woman] What, am I getting too uppity for you? You sherry-swelling, opera-loving, Armani-wearing elitist. You have no idea how difficult it is for a black woman in a white man's world!
Niles: Frasier...
Frasier: I don't think so!

Quote from Frasier

Niles: My first roommate at Yale was black.
Frasier: Huntington Treadwell III! He's hardly representative of the African-American experience, Niles.
Niles: His father was a pioneer in Selma and Montgomery.
Frasier: Yes, I believe he built golf courses all over the South.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: And we're back. All right, Mary, who's our first caller?
Mary: Maria! Uh, she's thirty-six years old... married five years... and her husband's been staying late at the office so he can meet with his secretary.
Frasier: That's the way to do it! Oh. I mean- I'm sorry, Maria. I'm listening.
Maria: "Hi, Dr. Crane. Anyway, he's having an affair and it's not his first. This has been going on since we were newlyweds. How do I get him to change?"
Frasier: Well, Maria. You of course know it's impossible to force anyone to change. But you can work to change yourself. Usually, women that tolerate this sort of behavior from their husbands are suffering from low self-esteem issues. You may need some counseling to resolve those issues. Let me ask you a couple of questions...
Mary: May I say something?
Frasier: Yes.
Mary: Maria, Dr. Crane is right. You must make a change. And the first thing you change is the lock on your front door.
Frasier: What?
Mary: Oh, listen, there's plenty of time for counselors, but at six o'clock locksmiths start charging extra, so you get on it, girlfriend. You know, my Grandpa Willie used to say, "Nothing stops a man from playing the field faster than a night out on the lawn." Okay? Okay!
Frasier: Oh, thank you, Grandpa Willie!

Quote from Roz

Frasier: You know, Roz, I do hope you don't spend your entire vacation redecorating. You know, you should get out, you know, have some fun. Maybe take a cruise? You don't want to stay in your apartment cooped up with a bunch of sweaty workmen. [Roz looks at Frasier] Bon Voyage.
Roz: Thank you.

Quote from Martin

Niles: Oh, speaking of golf, dad, I've become quite the sportsman myself. [hands him certificate] What do you think of that?
Martin: Oh, it's very nice, son. But calligraphy really isn't a sport. More of a craft.

Quote from Frasier

Niles: Listen, Frasier. I know you're trying to be sensitive, but you're not showing this woman any respect if you're not as honest with her as you would be with someone else.
Martin: Right, this is your show. When she gets her own show she can say whatever she wants.
Frasier: Wait a minute. You know what, Dad, you may be onto something there. Gosh, I don't know why I didn't think of that myself. You know what, I'm just going to call Kenny and tell him to give her her own show. They're looking for a replacement for "Let's Go Camping With Dan & Jenny."
Martin: What happened to them?
Frasier: They don't know.

Quote from Martin

Niles: Everything comfy, Daphne? There you are. This quiche should hold you 'til dinner.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, you really don't need to fill in for me, it's just a sprained wrist. I'm perfectly capable of cooking dinner.
Martin: The hell you are.

Quote from Frasier

Roz: And don't worry, Chuck Ranberg said he'd take over for the week.
Frasier: Absolutely not, Roz. The man's speech impediment will make me giggle all week long.
Roz: Show a little compassion!
Frasier: Oh, come on, you try dealing with a call screener who says, "Dr. Cwane, we have a kweptomaniac on wine fwee."

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