Niles: Oh, look at the time. I, er, have a session with my multiple personality.
Frasier: Ah.
Niles: Not to worry. If I'm late he can just talk amongst himself.

Frasier: We were just discussing the step system in a new healthcare plans co-payment scheme and- Well, it wouldn't interest you.
Roz: Oh, the hell it wouldn't. You know they're too cheap to pay for a butt-lift? I sit on this thing all day long, that's work-related!

Niles: Frasier!
Frasier: Damn, I didn't think you'd be here...
Niles: Well, I would've gone to my regular haunt, but "The Pig 'N Swig" is closed for remodeling.

Niles: Had sex with her, didn't you?
Frasier: I didn't mean to. It just ... happened! One minute we were negotiating, the next minute our inhibitions were shattered, along with my kneecap and her Macintosh PowerBook.
Niles: This happened in her office?
Frasier: Yes.
Niles: What are you saying? Her couch folds out?
Frasier: We used her desk.
Niles: ... Her desk folds out?!

Roz: I was supposed to have dinner with a successful, handsome doctor. She thinks we're all as happy to work all night as she is.
Frasier: Mmm.
Roz: Well, you're a psychiatrist, Frasier. She's a cold, repressed workaholic who has no sex life whatsoever. Can't you help her?
Frasier: I've tried, Roz.

Martin: Go easy on your brother, Niles, he's had a rough day.
Niles: You're right, dad. Er, Frasier, please accept my apologies. I, I can imagine how trying this must have been for you.
Frasier: Thanks, Niles.
Niles: 'Course, it's been no picnic for those of us who share your name. My Maris took it particularly hard. When I left this morning, she was ordering new stationery with an accent aigu over the "e" in our name. Hereafter, her memos will read, "From the desk of Maris Crané."

Frasier: Hello, Polly. How can I help you?
Polly: "Oh, I'm so glad I got through. I'm sitting here not knowing what to do. I find myself lacking a certain spice."
Frasier: Well Polly, if you want to shake up your routine, why don't you, er, try something new and dangerous? Er, skydiving, belly-dancing, perhaps? That ought to add some spice.
Polly: "What are you talking about? I'm making an apple tart and I'm out of cinnamon!"
Frasier: I see. Listeners, for the fourth time this hour, I am not The Happy Chef. I am The Irritated Psychiatrist, Dr. Frasier Crane. We'll be right back after the news.

Kate: I really think that we should slow things down.
Frasier: [relieved] Oh, I am so glad you said that. I wanted to say the same thing but I was, I was afraid that you'd feel I was rejecting you!
Kate: Oh, how sensitive. And yet, at the same time, how full of yourself.

Roz: Okay, Fabio. I want two things. One, you will never make another crack about my sex life. I don't care if I start dating a lumber camp.
Frasier: Done.
Roz: And two, who's Dirty Girl?

Frasier: I spent the last three hours at the observation deck of the Space Needle, looking down on a city that's looking down on me.