Daphne: Your son's right. You shouldn't be afraid to shake up your routine a little bit.
Martin: Hey, I don't see you taking any big leaps today.
Daphne: If there was something I wanted to do, I would do it.
Martin: Well, you're always whining about wanting to change your hair.
Daphne: I don't whine!
Martin: "I'm so sick of me hair. Do you think I should get it cut like Princess Di? Ooh, do you think that'd make
me cheeks look too fat? That reminds me of the craziest thing me Grammy Moon used to say!" I'll pay for the damn haircut if you stop yakking and just do it.

Frasier: Roz, it is a wonderful day. You know, I think the entire city of Seattle is convinced it's springtime. I was
walking down the street, I passed a pet store, and in the window I could see two snakes doing a mating dance.
Roz: If you ask me, celebrating a dance that brings more snakes into the world is like toasting a law school graduation.

Frasier: That's it! That's it! I'm not doing the aria.
Roz: What? You're backing out after you made all of us take those stupid leaps?
Frasier: You bet I am! It may be an unwise man who doesn't learn from his own mistakes, but it's an absolute idiot that doesn't learn from other people's!

Frasier: Niles, I don't mind telling you, I'm a little bit concerned about this. Maris claps her hands, you come running?
Niles: Oh, well, don't forget there's a little something for me in this, too. I haven't had sex in six months.
Frasier: Oh, surely you're exaggerating, you've only been separated for three.
Niles: And your point would be?

Frasier: Niles, you and Maris have not sat down and discussed your problems. As a psychiatrist you know that sex will only cloud the issues.
Niles: You don't realize how desperate I am. Ever since our separation, I've been paying women to touch me.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Manicurists, pedicurists ... facialists. Whenever you see a man who's well-groomed, you can bet he's not getting any.

Frasier: Good morning, Niles.
Niles: Good? It's glorious. Heaven-sent! And you know why? Maris called. She wants to get together with me this evening.
Frasier: Oh Niles, that's wonderful news. It's high time you and Maris sat down and talked through your problems.
Niles: She doesn't want to talk. When she says "get together" she means in the "You wear the creme fraiche, I'll lick it off" sense. She's cleared her schedule from seven till seven-thirty. That means foreplay and cuddling!
Martin: You know, Niles, remember when you were a kid and your mother and I wouldn't discuss the Cuban Missile Crisis in front of you because we knew it'd give you bad dreams?
Niles: Yes.
Martin: It's a two-way street.

Martin: Next time it looks like I'm going to follow a piece of your advice, shoot me in the head first!
Frasier: Dad! Why aren't you in Montana?
Martin: Fifteen minutes out, a flock of Canadian geese flew into one of our engines. They were the lucky ones! Next thing you know, we're falling five thousand feet. Smokehouse almonds are flying everywhere. People are
screaming and hugging each other. The guy in the next seat grabbed hold of my hand, and you know what? I didn't pull it away! Then our pilot comes out. Our landing gear's out, we're gonna have to do an emergency belly landing in six feet of foam! So, five hellish minutes later, we're bouncing across the runway. Then the stewardess comes out and says we're gonna have to go down the emergency slide. So down I go, headfirst into this sea of foam. Last thing I remember, this fat lady from across the aisle comes barreling down the chute after me like a polyester avalanche!

Frasier: You really want to sacrifice your self-respect for a roll in the hay?
Niles: Substitute a 16th-century giltwood fainting couch for hay and watch me roll!

Frasier: Niles, you know I'm right.
Niles: You just don't want me to have sex because you're not having any.
Frasier: [shakes a finger at him] I most certainly am too!
Niles: [grabs Frasier's hand] Your lips say yes, but your cuticles speak volumes.

Frasier: So, instead of "Buttons and Bows," I have chosen to sing a very challenging aria from Verdi's Rigoletto. Something I have never attempted outside the shower. I certainly hope my little gamble turns out as well as Roz's has. [He looks back and sees Roz attacking Gary with the flowers] Or even better.