Frasier: Oh, Niles. I hope you had the presence of mind to bring presents of mine.
Niles: I haven't heard that line since last year. But then again, Christmas is the season for chestnuts.

Martin: Oh, that's it. I know I should have stocked my old Ballantines as soon as they stopped making it. Now, I can't find a single can. Christmas is ruined.
Daphne: Christmas is about more than beer, Mr. Crane.
Niles: Yeah. And this year's extra special because Daphne and I are together.
Martin: Well, that's true. No more Mel, no Maris, no Lilith... maybe I won't need beer this Christmas.

Santa: Do you think that Dr. Mary could help Santa to cheer up his elves?
Mary: Why don't you give them some candy?
Santa: That's a great idea.
Frasier: No, that's a terrible idea. Your elves are probably suffering from seasonal-affective disorder. Now, loading them up with sweets will only aggravate the problem!
Santa: Kids love candy.
Frasier: Elves are not kids, they're tiny men.

Frasier: Well, we've got just about a minute before we go to the news. I understand we have Tom from Freemont on line one. Go ahead, Tom.
Tom: "I don't want to be squeezed into a minute, I will go on after the news."
Frasier: Well, why don't you tell me your problem now and then I can give you my reply when we come back.
Tom: "No, I'll wait."
Frasier: Very well. Roz, who else do we have?
Roz: We have Brian on a car phone.
Frasier: Ah. Go ahead, Brian, I'm listening.
Brian: "For what? Thirty seconds? I'll wait, too."

Frasier: Giddy up, giddy up, let's go to the Seattle Christmas Parade this Saturday. Broadcast live on Channel 6 TV and hosted by Kelly Kirkland of Channel 6's Kelly and Cal Show. You know, I must say that Kelly Kirkland is a real treasure. She's sincere and charming and... well, just about as likable as sunshine. We'll be right back.
Roz: [entering Frasier's booth] Are you okay?
Frasier: Well, of course, why?
Roz: Oh, I was afraid with all that sucking up you might have burst a lung.

Roz: "Warm Bread for the Soul" by Dr. Mary.
Frasier: I see you're still identifying yourself as a doctor.
Mary: But now it's true. You read the inside cover.
Frasier: Oh? Dr. Mary has healed thousands of Seattle radio listeners and is a summa cum laude graduate of the School of Hard Knocks.
Mary: Yes.
Frasier: Mary, I hate to quibble about things like accreditation and such...
Kenny: [entering] Whoa, it's like the American Medical Association in here.

Kenny: So, isn't this great? Dr. Mary's coming back to KACL.
Roz: Oh, hey, congratulations.
Frasier: Oh, yes, congratulations, indeed. I... I must have missed that memo.
Kenny: Yes, she was doing so great in the ratings we had to steal her back. Now, I thought your doctors took an oath not to hurt anybody. You were killing us.

Niles: What is it with you and this parade?
Frasier: Oh, Niles, don't you remember when we were kids? We'd sit on the couch and cradle our cocoas and stay up late to watch our holiday hosts, Bob Vernon and Sergeant Michelle, the...
Both: ...traffic lady!
Niles: Oh, I haven't thought about them in years.
Frasier: You know, to me, that was always the official beginning of Christmas. And now this is my chance to usher in the season for a whole new generation.
Niles: I loved Sergeant Michelle. To this day, every time I cross against the light, I feel like I'm letting her down.

Niles: All right, what is that fetid smell?
Frasier: Oh, oh, that's the food. I'm preparing dishes that have been featured on Kelly's show. [oven timer pings] Oh, Lord, that'll be my hobo casserole.
Niles: Hobo. That's the smell.

Daphne: So, where are we going for dinner tonight?
Niles: Well, er, it's your pick. All though, word on the street has it that Chez Du Mont has the most delectable Hudson Valley foie gras.
Daphne: Niles, you're spoiling me. All this rich food's gonna start catching up with my figure.
Niles: Oh, not you my little hummingbird, never.
Daphne: You're as sweet as a chocolate soufflé. Let's get some of those, tonight.