‘Dial M for Martin’
Season 6, Episode 3 - Aired October 8, 1998
With Frasier spending more time at home now he's out of work, he and Martin get on each other's nerves. Roz suggests Martin move in with Niles for a while, an idea he fully supports when he realizes Daphne will be coming along, too.
Quote from Frasier
Frasier: All right, just hold it. Nobody's canceling anything. For God's sake, the man just fell down a flight of stairs
today, he could hardly have been hurt worse stumbling in a carpeted hallway.
[The elevator door opens to reveal Rebecca, just as Frasier tries to lift Martin from the ground]
Frasier: Get up, ya big crybaby. No pain, no gain.
Martin: Oh, no, but it hurts!
Frasier: Oh, Dad, boo-hoo! I want you out of here! I don't care if you have to crawl like a bog turtle! ... Oh, Rebecca. I didn't see you standing there. Why don't you just step on over my father, help yourself to some wine?
Rebecca: What kind of a heartless bastard are you?
Frasier: Oh, no, Rebecca, you don't understand. It's not the way it looks. He's very resilient! He's been shot before!
Quote from Niles
Niles: I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?
Roz: Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom.
Niles: Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.
Quote from Niles
Martin: [o.s] Niles, which wall should I hang my swordfish on?
Niles: None of them! I just had that room frescoed!
Quote from Roz
Roz: Maybe you two need to take a little break from each other? Have you ever thought about, I don't know, staying with Niles for a while?
Martin: Out of the frying pan into the fire, huh?
Roz: Well, think about it. Niles's place is so huge, and he's at work all the time.
Martin: That's true. And Maris is out of the picture now.
Roz: You know, I just thought of something. For a while there, your daughters-in-law were Maris and Lilith. Whoa, Happy Thanksgiving!
Quote from Martin
Martin: Boy, the floors around here are so slippery.
Niles: Yes, I, I just had them polished.
Martin: Well, I wish you would have told me, Eddie just slid into a wall and chipped a tooth. Now he whistles when he breathes.
Niles: Well, Dad, I can assure you there will be no slipping in here. Look, a brand new safety rail installed just for you. And, as requested, traction decals.
Martin: [leaning over the tub] Oh, I don't need to worry about falling in... [The rail collapses under the pressure of his hand.]
Niles: Oh, Dad, are you OK?
Martin: Wow, yeah. It's a good thing I wasn't in the shower, I could have cracked my head open.
Niles: Guess I'm not much of a handyman, am I?
Martin: You put this thing up yourself?
Niles: Yes, my contractor was out of town. Don't worry, you can use my bathroom to shower. Just let me know when you do. The plumbing's a bit temperamental and if I were to run the dishwasher, you might be horribly scalded.
Martin: You know, I took an extra long shower yesterday. You know, that oughta hold me.
Quote from Martin
Martin: Well, I'm not so lazy that I can't get the hell out of here.
Frasier: I haven't finished talking to you, yet.
Martin: Well, I've finished listening.
Frasier: As usual, running away from the problem.
Martin: Not the problem, the yammering. You want to tape over something? Try your mouth.
Quote from Roz
Roz: [to waitress] Decaf latte to go, please. [to Martin] So, is Frasier here?
Martin: I hope not.
Roz: Uh-oh.
Martin: Oh, he's just been such a pill lately.
Roz: Well, you know, it's tough for people when they're out of work. They just get a little tense and irritable. [The waitress brings Roz a coffee cup] To go! I said to go!
Quote from Roz
Roz: So Martin, why don't you tell Niles your new idea?
Martin: Well, actually, it was Roz's idea, but I think she might have something, you know? You know, Frasier and I have been kinda butting heads lately...
Niles: Well, Frasier has been very difficult. I don't know how you live with him.
Martin: Well, that was Roz's idea. She suggested that I move in with you for a while.
Niles: ... Did she?
Martin: Yeah. You know, we talked about it when I first got shot, but of course Maris was the problem. So I guess the big question now is: do you still want me?
Niles: Oh, don't be silly. I want you just as much now as I wanted you then.
Martin: Well, I guess this is gonna work out. Thanks, Roz.
Roz: Don't mention it. The look on Niles's face is thanks enough.
Quote from Niles
Niles: Now, Dad, you're sure it won't bother you to live so far from the park and McGinty's?
Martin: Oh, no. Not at all. There's a bus stop right in front of your place. Eddie and I don't mind taking the bus.
Niles: Eddie? Eddie. You know, I just remembered, Dad, my building doesn't allow dogs.
Martin: Oh, well that's it, then. 'Cause I'm not leaving Eddie.
Niles: Oh. Of all the horrendous luck.
Martin: Oh, well, thanks anyway. I guess I'll just look for a little place. Can't be too small, though, 'cause I gotta have a bedroom for Daphne.
[long pause]
Niles: You know, Dad. About that no dog rule, I could talk to Clarice, the head of our co-op board.
Martin: Oh, really? You think they'd make an exception?
Niles: Well, let's just say she's bent quite a few rules in her day, and if she doesn't want her husband to find out, she'll bend this one.
Martin: Oh, that's great.
Niles: Yes, well, then it's settled. Daphne can move in straight away. ... You and Daphne.
Quote from Daphne
Niles: So, no job yet, eh?
Daphne: No, unfortunately. Still, tragedies happen every day. I mustn't give up hope.