Frasier: All right, just hold it. Nobody's canceling anything. For God's sake, the man just fell down a flight of stairs
today, he could hardly have been hurt worse stumbling in a carpeted hallway.
[The elevator door opens to reveal Rebecca, just as Frasier tries to lift Martin from the ground]
Frasier: Get up, ya big crybaby. No pain, no gain.
Martin: Oh, no, but it hurts!
Frasier: Oh, Dad, boo-hoo! I want you out of here! I don't care if you have to crawl like a bog turtle! ... Oh, Rebecca. I didn't see you standing there. Why don't you just step on over my father, help yourself to some wine?
Rebecca: What kind of a heartless bastard are you?
Frasier: Oh, no, Rebecca, you don't understand. It's not the way it looks. He's very resilient! He's been shot before!

Niles: I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?
Roz: Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom.
Niles: Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

Martin: [o.s] Niles, which wall should I hang my swordfish on?
Niles: None of them! I just had that room frescoed!

Roz: Maybe you two need to take a little break from each other? Have you ever thought about, I don't know, staying with Niles for a while?
Martin: Out of the frying pan into the fire, huh?
Roz: Well, think about it. Niles's place is so huge, and he's at work all the time.
Martin: That's true. And Maris is out of the picture now.
Roz: You know, I just thought of something. For a while there, your daughters-in-law were Maris and Lilith. Whoa, Happy Thanksgiving!

Martin: Boy, the floors around here are so slippery.
Niles: Yes, I, I just had them polished.
Martin: Well, I wish you would have told me, Eddie just slid into a wall and chipped a tooth. Now he whistles when he breathes.
Niles: Well, Dad, I can assure you there will be no slipping in here. Look, a brand new safety rail installed just for you. And, as requested, traction decals.
Martin: [leaning over the tub] Oh, I don't need to worry about falling in... [The rail collapses under the pressure of his hand.]
Niles: Oh, Dad, are you OK?
Martin: Wow, yeah. It's a good thing I wasn't in the shower, I could have cracked my head open.
Niles: Guess I'm not much of a handyman, am I?
Martin: You put this thing up yourself?
Niles: Yes, my contractor was out of town. Don't worry, you can use my bathroom to shower. Just let me know when you do. The plumbing's a bit temperamental and if I were to run the dishwasher, you might be horribly scalded.
Martin: You know, I took an extra long shower yesterday. You know, that oughta hold me.

Martin: Well, I'm not so lazy that I can't get the hell out of here.
Frasier: I haven't finished talking to you, yet.
Martin: Well, I've finished listening.
Frasier: As usual, running away from the problem.
Martin: Not the problem, the yammering. You want to tape over something? Try your mouth.

Roz: [to waitress] Decaf latte to go, please. [to Martin] So, is Frasier here?
Martin: I hope not.
Roz: Uh-oh.
Martin: Oh, he's just been such a pill lately.
Roz: Well, you know, it's tough for people when they're out of work. They just get a little tense and irritable. [The waitress brings Roz a coffee cup] To go! I said to go!

Roz: So Martin, why don't you tell Niles your new idea?
Martin: Well, actually, it was Roz's idea, but I think she might have something, you know? You know, Frasier and I have been kinda butting heads lately...
Niles: Well, Frasier has been very difficult. I don't know how you live with him.
Martin: Well, that was Roz's idea. She suggested that I move in with you for a while.
Niles: ... Did she?
Martin: Yeah. You know, we talked about it when I first got shot, but of course Maris was the problem. So I guess the big question now is: do you still want me?
Niles: Oh, don't be silly. I want you just as much now as I wanted you then.
Martin: Well, I guess this is gonna work out. Thanks, Roz.
Roz: Don't mention it. The look on Niles's face is thanks enough.

Niles: Now, Dad, you're sure it won't bother you to live so far from the park and McGinty's?
Martin: Oh, no. Not at all. There's a bus stop right in front of your place. Eddie and I don't mind taking the bus.
Niles: Eddie? Eddie. You know, I just remembered, Dad, my building doesn't allow dogs.
Martin: Oh, well that's it, then. 'Cause I'm not leaving Eddie.
Niles: Oh. Of all the horrendous luck.
Martin: Oh, well, thanks anyway. I guess I'll just look for a little place. Can't be too small, though, 'cause I gotta have a bedroom for Daphne.
[long pause]
Niles: You know, Dad. About that no dog rule, I could talk to Clarice, the head of our co-op board.
Martin: Oh, really? You think they'd make an exception?
Niles: Well, let's just say she's bent quite a few rules in her day, and if she doesn't want her husband to find out, she'll bend this one.
Martin: Oh, that's great.
Niles: Yes, well, then it's settled. Daphne can move in straight away. ... You and Daphne.

Niles: So, no job yet, eh?
Daphne: No, unfortunately. Still, tragedies happen every day. I mustn't give up hope.