Roz: Niles! Every time I give you my chair, you wipe it off first. It's just insulting.
Niles: For your information, I was reaching for my cell phone.
Roz: Oh. I'm sorry, Niles. I stepped out of line. See you later, Frasier. [Roz leaves]
Frasier: Bye bye, Roz.
Waiter: [answering the phone] Café Nervosa.
Niles: [on the phone] Yes, this is Dr. Crane at Table Seven. Could you send someone over to dust off my chair?
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake! I'll do it!

Frasier: A martini, then?
Caitlin: I cut out alcohol last year, along with processed sugar, dairy products and meat. Oh, I hope I'm not screwing up your menu. What are you serving?
Frasier: Well, so far, parsley and curvy orange slices.

Niles: You know what, I think I'm putting you on the spot here. Let's just leave it at congratulations on your new "relationship".
Frasier: What are you implying?
Niles: Oh, I think we both know what kind of "relationship" we're talking about.
Frasier: Would you stop saying the word "relationship" that way? "Relationship".
Niles: I'm not condemning you for your little "fling".
Frasier: Oh, for God's sake.
Niles: Just don't try to pass it off as something deeper than it is. The only thing you two have in common is the faint impression of the word "Sealy" on your backsides.

Frasier: Listen, Niles, I would never stay in a relationship if I didn't think there was some real future in it.
Niles: In other words, if you were to realize that the two of you had nothing in common beyond the physical, you'd break it off?
Frasier: Yes, absolutely. In a heartbeat. It's a principle of mine. You know, this topic comes up all the time on my show. What do I always say?
Niles: Um.
Frasier: Surely you must listen occasionally.
Niles: Of course I listen occasionally. It's just I'm usually busy between eleven and one.
Frasier: My show is on from two to five.

Caitlin: When I was little, my father owned a vineyard. I was the only kid on the block who would open a can of Hawaiian punch and let it breathe.
Frasier: And we share that same quirky sense of humor. Would you care for a glass?
Caitlin: No thanks. Actually, I've always hated the taste of wine.
Niles: Finally, something I can use to tell you two apart.

Niles: Frasier, I owe you an apology. You two are perfectly compatible. How long will it be before we're all standing outside a wedding chapel, pelting you both with whole-grain brown rice?

Frasier: Niles, I've already told you, I would never continue in a relationship if I didn't think there was a real future, and I happen to believe that there is in this one. Have you ever heard of "opposites attracting?" Where I am worldly, Caitlin is unspoiled.
Niles: Rather remarkable, given her terror of preservatives.

Caitlin: Oh, Frasier, I just met your dad. Did you know we're both Libras?
Martin: Which explains why I'm so "perky, open-minded, and quick to tears."
Caitlin: And don't forget "Outgoing."
Martin: No, I didn't. [heads for the door] All right, everybody coming?

Frasier: [to Niles] Will you stop smirking. It's going to take more than a harmless dabbling in astrology to dim the charm of this appealing young woman.
Caitlin: [sitting down in Martin's chair] Oh, my God. This is the coolest chair.
Frasier: [to Niles] Just get out.

Frasier: You're absolutely right, Dad. Got to nip this thing in the bud. I'm going to go over there right now. Doing anything else would just make me a hypocrite. You know, just yesterday I dedicated an entire theme show to the importance of self-control.
Martin: You did?
Frasier: Doesn't anybody listen?