Gil: Frasier, I've come to tempt you.
Frasier: Really?
Gil: I'm reviewing the new pastry chef at Chez Shea. And I quote: "His amaretto eclair is so sinful, it will send you scurrying to your local padre for absolution."
Frasier: Uh, no, thank you, Gil. I'm on a diet.
Gil: Oh, come now! You know you want it.

Frasier: Oh, my God! Well, close the record books. That was just the dullest three hours in the history of the Frasier Crane Show!
Roz: Oh, come on. It wasn't so bad. What about that woman who was so concerned about her appearance she wouldn't leave the house?
Frasier: That was a commercial! I believe Miss Clairol solved the problem.

Frasier: Sorry, Niles. I'm just a bit distracted today. You see, this morning, a- a man from my building approached me with a very intriguing problem. It seems he's been having a recurring dream.
Niles: Oh, please. That little gambit didn't work when we were in knee socks. What was your dream, Frasier?

Frasier: Then the shower turns off and out from the bathroom steps... a man. All right, go ahead, let me have it!
Niles: Are you saying that now, or is that a quote from the dream?

Waitress: You guys okay over here?
Niles: Oh, we're fine.
Frasier: Well, you must be new here. I surely would have remembered such a pretty face as yours.
Niles: You're overcompensating.
Frasier: Right. We're fine. Bye-bye.

Niles: Perhaps you should tackle this from a free-association standpoint.
Frasier: God, must we?
Niles: Well, now, focus on any detail in the motel room. What's the first thing that pops into your mind?
Frasier: Uh, a crescent-shaped lamp.
Niles: Perfect. Crescent-shaped lamp. Run with that. Crescent. Moon. Daphne Moon. French maid. Brass bed. Satin robe.
Frasier: Niles! This is my dream.
Niles: I was just showing you the process.
Frasier: You were three words away from a cigarette.

[Martin and Daphne are standing at the back of the elevator as a woman gets in]
Daphne: Someone followed me again last night.
Martin: Ah, you're just being paranoid.
Daphne: I'm telling you, they're onto me.
Martin: Come on. Nobody could recognize you after all that plastic surgery.
Daphne: That's what Marlena thought.
Martin: Marlena got sloppy. She never should have gone back to Zurich.
Daphne: I just don't want any more bloodshed.
Martin: Relax. You're home free.
Daphne: You don't know the Woodchuck and his ways.

Daphne: Oh, we're terrible!
Martin: We are? You are! "The Woodchuck and his ways"?
Daphne: You know, we really should stop doing this. It's not nice.
Martin: Ah, you're right. We won't do it anymore.
[The elevator door opens. After a man steps inside:]
Daphne: How'd you get the stuff through Customs?
Martin: They never check the wooden leg.

Niles: I'm helping Frasier interpret a dream he's been having. You know, maybe Dad can help.
Frasier: No, no, no. Don't want to bore Dad with the details of this particular dream.
Niles: Dreams can be rooted in childhood experience. Maybe Dad remembers something you've repressed.
Martin: Gee, I don't know. If it's about when you were a kid I've repressed a lot of that myself.

Daphne: Well, actually, I do have a theory of my own about your dream, if you'd like to hear it.
Frasier: What the hell.
Daphne: Well, in your dream, who was in the shower? Gil. What is a shower? Running water. Who needs water? Fish. What do fish have? Gills! Do you see where I'm going?
Frasier: Insane?