Gil: Frasier! I am so sorry. I thought that last call was appalling.
Frasier: Thank you, Gil.
Gil: You poor man! How long you must have dreaded this dark, yet inevitable day. I so wish you could have been allowed to come out in a time and manner of your own choosing, instead of being wrenched from your closet, your voice cracking, your cheeks crimson with shame.
Frasier: Gil, I am not gay.
Gil: Oh, Frasier, you can't play coy once you've been caught traipsing around Bad Billy's in shorts that left little to the imagination.
Frasier: They were not my shorts. I simply borrowed them because my own had split when I bent over-
Gil: Oh, please! We don't need to know everything. I just want to say that your KACL family will be here for you as you take your first brave steps on that yellow brick road to pride and self-acceptance and-
Frasier: Oh, shut up, you big queen! [exits]
Gil: I see kitty has claws.

Niles: Will you look at this crowd? It's like a Who's Who of the creme de la creme of the upper crust!

Roz: I'm so glad you're here, you can meet my new boyfriend. He's the hottest guy I've dated since-
Niles: Frasier!
Roz: Okay, the hottest guy since... [laughing] Frasier.

Frasier: Niles, we're playing squash in twenty minutes. Where are your togs?
Niles: Oh, yes, I had to hide them in my briefcase. I told Daphne I was seeing patients all day. It was the only way I could get out of driving her to this flower show. It's two hours there and back.
Frasier: I see. Well, we could have rescheduled. Did you really have to lie?
Niles: Did I mention we'd be joined by Daphne's mother, who's suffering from some female complaint and can't get it through her head that I'm not a gynecologist?
Frasier: Ah. Well, then you had to save yourself.

Frasier: Yes, we've both got tickets to your premiere, and, oh, we can't wait to see what magic you'll work with "La Boheme."
Alistair: Well, I would be content if my Mimi would just lay off the cheeseburgers. I sat her down yesterday and I said, "You're dying of consumption, dear, not over-consumption."
Frasier: Oh, that's hilarious.
Niles: It's funny because it's bitchy.

Roz: Barry, hi. This is Frasier, and Niles, and Martin.
Martin: Hi. Whoa, strong handshake. You look like you work out a lot.
Roz: He practically lives at the gym.
Barry: Well, it's my church. Oh, this blouse looks amazing on you.
Frasier: Yes, it's very chic, Roz.
Roz: Well, Barry picked it out. He's the women's wear buyer at Bidwell's. He spent a whole day last week going through my closet and throwing out all the stuff I shouldn't wear anymore.
Barry: You should have seen what she was still holding on to. Culottes!
Roz: Stop it.

Frasier: Well, one wonders what's been in Barry's closet a little too long.
Martin: What are you talking about?
Frasier: Oh, come on, he didn't seem gay to you?
Martin: That guy's not gay. You know how you can tell? The muscles.
Niles: Good point, Dad. Second tip-off, no poodle.

Niles: Can't you walk any faster?
Frasier: I'm moving as fast as I can in these ridiculous shorts of yours.
Niles: Well, you wouldn't need them if you hadn't burst out of your own.
Frasier: I did not burst out of them. My laundress simply over-bleached them until they had the tensile strength of a cobweb.

Frasier: Excuse me. Uh, I'm looking for a guy.
Patron: Yeah, I kinda got that from the shorts.
Frasier: It's a particular guy. He's about thirty-five years old...
Eduardo: Frasier?
Frasier: Eduardo! My furniture polisher. [to Eduardo] Don't tell me you put away paste and chamois for life as a barkeep.
Eduardo: I just do this on the side.
Frasier: Oh, well, bet you're surprised to see me in here.
Eduardo: Okay.

Niles: [over the loud music] Frasier, Barry's not here. I just saw him.
Frasier: What?
Niles: Barry's not here. Let's go.
Frasier: He's in the bathroom.
Niles: No, he's not. Can we just go, please?
Frasier: What did you say?
Niles: Daphne's expecting me, let's go!
Frasier: Come again?
Niles: [yelling] Oh, for God's sake... [music stops] I'm begging you, please take me home!
Frasier: Actually, he and I are... [music starts again]