Simon: Oh, don't worry, Mum. Everything will be all right when we get home.
Gertrude: Well, what's left for me there? An empty house full of memories? No, I'd rather stay right here in the company of my babies. Thank goodness I have my children to lean upon.
Simon: Oh, don't cry, Mum. I really thought this junket to America would cheer you up.
Niles: Oh, well, it still can. Go away. I mean, get out there and see the country.
Frasier: Yes, that is a splendid idea. This land is rich with snow-covered mountains, sun-kissed beaches, wild, untamed rivers, and a warm, loving people ready to embrace you. Immerse yourself in the spectacle and the grandeur that are these United States, this America.
[An American flag is suddenly draped down across Frasier's entire balcony window]
Niles: How did you do that?
Frasier: [gasps] Cam Winston!

Frasier: Good afternoon again, Cam.
Cam: Listen, Crane, you may have bamboozled the condo board, but we both know you just want more room to swing your fat ass into that BMW.
Frasier: Cam, if there is any benefit to me, it is the cleaner air which we will all now breathe.
Cam: Oh, get off your high horse. You do your share of polluting with that substitute for masculinity you're driving.
Frasier: If mine's a substitute for masculinity, then what is yours?
Cam: Bigger.

Simon: Shouldn't we stop at the supermarket on the way home? I'm very fond of those ham-and-cheese Hot Pockets that you had last year.
Martin: Oh, I keep those stocked. Everything's just like you remember.
Frasier: Well, there has been one small change. The liquor cabinet has a lock.
Simon: Yeah. Well, my new moped had a lock, too. Ha-ha!

Martin: Hey, Fras, I got an idea. Why doesn't Simon stay with us?
Frasier: Oh, oh.
Simon: That's very kind of you, Marty.
Frasier: Yes, well, it is, except it's- Uh, well, I think there'll be more room here at Niles's.
Niles: Oh, yes. Although Frasier's apartment is, uh, closer to a pizza restaurant.
Frasier: Yes, but Niles' is closer to a liquor mart.
Simon: Now, now, now, I don't want you boys fighting over me.
Niles: Dad, how many channels does that satellite of yours get?
Martin: Five hundred.
Simon: We have a winner.

Daphne: Mum, you remember Niles?
Gertrude: Of course. You know, I was quite cross with you when you stole my daughter away from that rich lawyer, but from the looks of this place, you do all right.

Gertrude: Niles, be a dear and get me a pillow for my head. And I wouldn't get too settled in. You'll need to take me home soon so I can take my medicine.
Niles: I thought I suggested you bring that with you.
Gertrude: Daphne, dear, aren't you lucky to be dating a man who's always right?

Frasier: Excuse me, Cam.
Cam: Oh, hello, Frasier. Still driving a sedan?
Frasier: Yes, well, at least mine fits in the allotted space. Unlike this new behemoth you're driving.
Cam: Well, actually it's the Behemoth XL. Well, use care getting out.
Frasier: Come back here. You know very well I can't get out.
Cam: Oh. I'm sorry. Let me see what I can do about that. Oh, tough break. If I move, I'll be over the line on the other side.
Frasier: But you're over the line on this side.
Cam: Actually, if you were standing out here, you would see that I am just on the line, which, as we both know, is in.
Frasier: If I were standing out there we wouldn't be having this conversation.
Cam: I wish I could help. Maybe next time you'll think twice before calling the police when I have a party.
Frasier: What makes you think it was me?
Cam: You're the only one in the building I didn't invite.

Daphne: Isn't there anything you can leave behind?
Niles: I don't see how. I have formal, semi-formal, déshabillé, wet weather, cold weather, cloudy. I mean, if there's something here you find excessive, jump right in.

Roz: So, what else we taking?
Daphne: Good news, Roz. Niles and I are moving in together.
Roz: Oh, hey, that's great news. So I didn't have to strip two bolts and grease up my shirt moving the seat out after all. Nope. And you didn't need to take Niles' ties down either.
Niles: No, no, no, but I will get the ties. You stay here in our apartment.
Daphne: Our apartment. Our living room.
Niles: Yes.
Daphne: Our fireplace.
Niles: Our kitchen. Our bedroom.
Daphne: Our bedroom.
Roz: I'll get the ties.

Frasier: You should've been at the condo board meeting. You missed all the excitement.
Martin: Now, don't tell me. People argued about some dumb building policy and then you all had cookies.
Frasier: Not this time. I gave the greatest speech of my condo-board career. Which led to a vote, which led to the ruling that Cam Winston must now park that SUV monstrosity of his in the sub-basement. Then we had cookies.