Daphne: You know, you needn't stand on ceremony for Dr. Crane's father. He prefers it if you're more informal.
Ferguson: Oh, that's rather difficult for me. I'm accustomed to formality. Besides, I find it's more professional. It helps draw the line between a family and its servant.
Daphne: Are you referring to Niles and me?
Ferguson: Oh, that's none of my business.
Daphne: No, it's all right. We're together. He told me he'd been in love with me for seven years, and I couldn't help but fall head over heels. It's like a fairy tale.
Ferguson: Seven years? He sounds shy.
Daphne: Oh, he is. He was also married for much of the time.
Ferguson: Mm... but now your prince is free.
Daphne: Almost. He married someone else.
Ferguson: I see.
Daphne: No, you don't understand. Once that divorce goes through, we'll be together forever.
Ferguson: Well, I hope it's moving swiftly through the courts.
Daphne: Oh, he hasn't filed yet. But when his wife thinks the time is right, which is soon, he will. Well, not that she's in charge of us... Oh, look, I've given you the wrong impression.

Niles: [to the barista] Macchiatto. ... Make it a doppio.
Frasier: Niles. Niles, please. Whatever's wrong, the answer doesn't lie at the bottom of an espresso cup.

Ferguson: Sherry, Dr. Crane?
Niles: Oh, thank you, Ferguson, but even as we speak I have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot chilling in my apartment. And you know the old caution, "Champagne after sherry makes tummy grow wary."
Ferguson: You have your brother's wit, sir.

Frasier: To think I was skeptical when you said these pillows could be better arranged.
Ferguson: Yes, preparing a suitable sleeping environment is one of the first tasks I learned at my father's knee.
Frasier: Oh, your father also butled?
Ferguson: Oh yes, sir. Even my father's father was a gentleman's gentleman.
Frasier: Oh, that's a good one, Ferguson.
Ferguson: Thank you, sir, it's one of my staples.

Ferguson: Manchester, right?
Daphne: Is it that obvious?
Ferguson: To me it is. My mum's from Manchester. Used to scream her lungs out for United.
Daphne: Is that so? My Uncle Jack once tried to get Bobby Charlton's autograph and Sir Bobby cracked him over the head with a can of lager. Twelve stitches, and he still has the can.

Frasier: Roz, what are you doing out here? I'm sure Mr. Worth isn't interested in gift-wrapping.
Mr. Worth: Nonsense, she's delightful. Now, what kind of deal would you give me if I bought a hundred rolls?
Roz: Oh, I'd take off twenty percent.
Mr. Worth: And what would you take off if I bought five thousand rolls?
Roz: Everything but my bracelets.
Mr. Worth: [laughing] Yes, sir.

Roz: It's hard getting what you want these days, isn't it?
Frasier: Indeed.
Roz: But you can still find convenience and value, if you know where to look-
Frasier: Dear God, what are you selling?
Roz: Wrapping paper. It's a fundraiser for Alice's school.
Frasier: Well, at least it's a worthy cause.
Roz: Yeah.
Frasier: All right, let's have a look. Oh, that one's too garish. I don't like this one, either. Ooh, I'm certainly not crazy about Garfield.
Roz: Oh, give me that. You're getting five rolls of "Peace on Earth" and thanks for your support.

Frasier: What was it this time?
Niles: Well, we attended Colonel Turner's very large, very high-Episcopalian funeral, during the course of which my cell phone rang repeatedly. I was not allowed to answer it. And Mel had set the ringer on "La Cucaracha."
Frasier: Oh Niles, I'm so sorry.
Niles: Oh, it's all right.
Frasier: No, I called you twice.

Frasier: Did you just say butler?
Niles: Oh yes, I know. An honest-to-goodness English butler. The colonel was a bit of an anachronism.
Frasier: Ah, yes. That's amusing, really. I suppose this butler saw to the colonel's every need.
Niles: Oh, yeah. Clipped his cigars, poured his scotch...
Frasier: Laid out his clothes for him, and served him his meals...
[They both reach for their cell phones]
Niles: I saw him first.
Frasier: You've had a gardener and a maid.
Niles: Yes, but never a butler.
Frasier: But it's my turn.
Niles: But it's my dream.
Frasier: Daphne won't have to clean anymore.
Niles: [putting away his cell phone] I tip my cap, sir.

Frasier: Dear God!
Martin: What's wrong?
Frasier: That politicking Alan Murchie has just been elected president of the opera board.
Martin: Yeah, I'll never forget where I was when I heard the news.