Frasier: You know, frankly, I don't have time for this nonsense. What I did or did not do on my vacation is none of your concern. Don't you have better things to do than to speculate about my sex life?
Bulldog: Oh, "Frasier Crane's sex life." Hey, there's a word for that. It's an Oxy... Oxy...
Roz: ...moron!
Bulldog: Hey, wow, easy. I'll get it.

Frasier: Oh, look. Look. Two wine glasses.
Daphne: Oh, yes. One for you, one for her. That proves it all right!
Frasier: I am not crazy! I am dating a supermodel zoologist, who I stole away from a professional football player, and she is off to the Galapagos islands to artificially inseminate iguanas! Is that so hard to believe?

Daphne: I think you two are just being awful, I've never known Dr. Crane to tell a lie.
Niles: Actually, this is not without precedent. When he was ten, he forged letters from Leonard Bernstein and told everyone they were pen pals.
Martin: Oh, yeah.
Niles: He'd come bounding up the stairs, "Got another one from Lenny"! We were all agog until Mr. Bernstein wrote that his Broadway debut was "Candide" when everyone knows that it was "On The Town." That's when we knew it was a fake!
Martin: The sloppy kid lettering was also a clue.

Joanne: So, why are you going to Acapulco?
Frasier: Actually, it's rather an amusing story. You see, I came down to the airport on sort of a blind date with a cello player. Of course, she didn't know it was a blind date. Actually, it was all in my head. But, when I bumped into you and you said you were going to Acapulco, I thought why not tag along.
Joanne: So, the only reason you're on this plane is because of me?
Frasier: Call it Kismet.
Joanne: [to a cabin assistant] Can I switch seats?

Felicity: I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I have to say, I'd be flattered if someone got on a plane to be with me.
Frasier: Really?
Felicity: Yeah. I mean what can be more romantic than that?
Frasier: You know, it's a little awkward trying to talk like this. Is that seat taken?
Felicity: No, come sit here, please.
[Frasier goes to the row behind, scooches past a man sitting in the aisle seat, and sits in the middle seat next to Felicity]
Frasier: At last. I'm Frasier Crane.
Felicity: Felicity Stafford.
Frasier: Pleasure.
Felicity: And this is my husband, David. [Felicity points to the man in the aisle seat.]
Frasier: Genuine pleasure. ... Oh, darn! I forgot to order my kosher meal. So sorry. It was lovely meeting you both.

Frasier: I know what you're thinking.
Kelly: Hmm?
Frasier: Last night, walking along the beach when we kicked off our shoes and looked up at the amazing blanket of stars...
Kelly: Actually, I was remembering when that iguana ran across my foot and you jumped into my arms.
Frasier: Yes, that too. You're really quite strong.
Kelly: I am a supermodel.

Kelly: I'd appreciate it if just for now you didn't tell anyone about you and me.
Frasier: What happened between us will never leave this room. [they kiss] And if there's a God in heaven, neither will we.

Roz: How was Mexico?
Frasier: Fine, relaxing.
Roz: Oh, I'm sorry.
Frasier: Sorry?
Roz: Yeah, well, considering what a slump your sex life has been in lately, I know you were looking for a little of, well, you know, action. You know, south of the border.
Frasier: Roz, just because the last time you went to Mexico you were hit on more than a pinata, doesn't mean that was the purpose of my visit as well.
Roz: Oh, yeah, right. You wanted to hear that Acapulco Philharmonic.

Martin: Well, you heard the same message we did. He wanted to do something spur of the moment, so he jumped on a plane.
Niles: That doesn't concern you? That's not exactly like him, to board a plane without reservations and luggage, slumber mask.
Martin: Oh, he probably just went down there to try to meet some women.
Niles: I've seen this with my patients. They get so distressed over a series of failures, especially romantic ones, that they act out in bizarre ways.
[Frasier enters from the bathroom. He's wearing a bathrobe, has a towel wrapped around his head, and is nursing a cognac.]
Frasier: Ah. Is there anything more refreshing after a long flight than a hot soak in eucalyptus salts and a snifter of warmed "Poire William"
Niles: Nothing yet, but keep your ears open.

Frasier: You know, frankly, I'm sick and tired of everyone's pity. The fact is I did meet a woman down there. A perfectly fabulous woman. We had an utterly romantic weekend.
Martin: Well, why didn't you just tell us that from the start?
Frasier: Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss it.
Niles: Oh, yes, that pesky Club Med oath of silence.