Frasier: Oh, Dad. Niles just reminded me of something I'd completely forgotten. When the appraiser mentioned that the bear was from Russia...
Martin: Oh, yeah. Well, it probably got passed down through your great-great grandmother. She was from Russia.
Frasier: A-ha. He said something about the Romanov family?
Martin: Oh, yeah, that, huh? Are you sure you want to hear about this?
Niles: Yes, Dad.
Martin: Well, I guess you would have found out anyway after I died... We're royalty. But I didn't want you to grow up spoiled, so I abdicated and took a job in Seattle on the police force. It was kind of hard giving up that royal way of life, but I think maybe it's the swans that I miss most.

Martin: Oh, that's great. We can go anywhere. You know, the first place I want to go is Elmo, Nebraska. We got a whole mess of cousins down there. [exits]
Frasier: Well, we're out fifteen thousand each.
Niles: And we have to take long trips in a Winnebago.

Martin: Hey guys, I thought I'd find you here. You know, you just missed seeing yourselves on The Antiques Roadshow. And you know, the phone's been ringing off the hook, everybody wants to buy that bear clock.
Frasier: You're not thinking of selling it, are you?
Martin: You're damn right I am. Some guy just offered me twenty-six thousand for it. I'm gonna buy me a big, honking fishing boat. A Wave Pounder 450 with a fun deck. Good for fishin', cruisin', or just plain tubin'!
Niles: Did you hear that Frasier? We can go tubin'.

Daphne: Wow. I don't see the three of you watching the same show very often. What's going on? Pavarotti jumping the Grand Canyon?

Roz: What is that all about?
Frasier: Oh, our Cousin Dodie's wedding was last week. Oh, excuse me, Cousin Dodie's "weddin'!" A western theme. On the response card, it asked for our chili preference: mild or kick ass. Anyway, Niles and I told her that we had a conference to attend at the Therapist's Guild.
Roz: There is no Therapist's Guild, is there?
Frasier: No. Dad found us out.
Roz: Wait. Didn't you have a Therapist Guild conference on Alice's last birthday?
Frasier: The point is, it struck a nerve with Dad.

Frasier & Niles: Dad.
Frasier: I thought you were going night fishing with Duke? [Martin is still giving them the silent treatment] Oh, for God's sakes, you can't keep this up forever, Dad. Well, all right, fine. I hope you don't mind, but Niles and I are planning on watching a television show.
Martin: Oh, really? Well, I'm surprised you don't have a conference to go to.
Frasier: Dad, we said we were sorry about Dodie's wedding.
Niles: Yes, and we did send her a baby gift.

Martin: Well, Duke cancelled out on me. You can have the TV in an hour. I just want to watch my game show.
Frasier: Oh, Dad, please, not a game show.
Martin: Hey, I happen to like it, all right? People bring in all their junk from the attics and these experts tell them what it's worth.
Frasier: Are you talking about The Antiques Roadshow?
Martin: Yeah.
Frasier: Well, that's the program Niles and I are going to watch.
Niles: I'll just check outside and see if the world has ended.

Niles: Can you believe he used the word "craftsman," and he meant the architectural style, and not the rotary sander?
Frasier: You know, that's uncanny.
Niles: Well, you heard him.
Frasier: No, not that. You just said "rotary sander."

Martin: We oughta go, that'd be great.
Frasier: Well sure, Dad.
Niles: That does sound like fun.
Martin: Yeah, you know, I'm going to go have a little root around in my closet. I bet I can find a nice little objet d'art they'd be interested in. [exits]
Niles: It's as if that panhandler I gave money to was a genie granting all my wishes.

Martin: This bear clock's been in the family for generations. I can't wait to see how much it's worth. Do you think they'll put a dollar figure on it?
Frasier: Sounds about right.