Martin: Hey, Fras, how was your dinner?
Frasier: Not since Quasimodo strolled the streets of medieval Paris have so many people uttered the phrase, "That poor man."

Niles: I met someone once flying home from college. I got bumped into first class, found myself sitting there next to a positively ravishing woman. She was a bit older and I was trying desperately to be suave, so when she leaned over and suggested we join the Mile High Club, rather than admit I was unfamiliar with the term, I whispered back, "I really don't travel enough to make that worthwhile." God, that was twenty years ago. Nope, still can't laugh about it.

Laura: I was always an odd kid. All my girlfriends had posters of David Cassidy. I had Pablo Casals.
Frasier: I had Sigmund Freud.
Laura: But did you kiss him every night before you went to bed?
Frasier: Well, I- I was tempted to, but he just would've read too much into it.

Martin: Oh, yeah, you can't beat meeting somebody in a romantic way. That's the way it was with me and your mom.
Niles: You met Mother over the chalk outline of a murder victim.
Martin: So? It was romantic to us. Ever wonder why on our anniversary she'd make those gingerbread cookies with the legs kind of bent and the head kind of crooked?
Niles: We thought they were dancing.

Martin: I have something that'll cheer you up. I brought you some of Sherry's mock apple pie. It's called "mock" cause they uses crackers instead of apples.
Frasier: Good. Nothing spoils an apple pie like apples.

Frasier: Well, the reservation won't go to waste. I can always take Niles.
Roz: Niles? Again? You know, your entire social life consists of going out with your brother. Don't you think you're getting into kind of a rut? You're still young. You need to go out and get drunk, wake up in some stranger's bed and not even remember how you got there.
Frasier: In other words, exchange my rut for yours.

Daphne: Oh, Doctor Crane!
Niles: Daphne.
Daphne: Thank God you're here. My zip's stuck.
Niles: Oh. Good thing I got here when I did.
Daphne: Don't be afraid to grab hold and give it all you've got.
Niles: Okay.
Daphne: Sometimes pulling it down a bit helps.
Niles: Okay. ... Oh, dear. I've zipped my tie into your dress. It won't come loose.
Daphne: Oh, let me see! [Daphne turns around, but risks choking Niles in the process] Oh, I'm sorry. It is stuck, isn't it? Well, maybe some liquid soap from the powder room will loosen it up.
[As Niles follows Daphne into the bathroom, Frasier enters the apartment]
Frasier: Niles, there's something on your tie.
Daphne: Dr. Crane was helping me with my dress, and now he's caught.
Frasier: Yes, he is.

Daphne: What a relief. I was just about to step right out of this dress and embarrass poor Dr. Crane to death.
Niles: Well, we all have to die of something.

Frasier: Oh, Niles, I managed to score some reservations tonight at San Gennaro. You up for a little Italian?
Niles: Actually, I'm going out with Maris, so I guess you could say I'm up for a little Episcopalian

Frasier: I just can't picture Maris in Dad's '82 Impala.
Niles: Neither could she, at first. I'll never forget the look of wonder on her face at touching vinyl for the first time.
Frasier: Ah.
Niles: She said it made her feel cheap and dirty. And she liked it. I was her first bad boy.
Frasier: Yes, I remember the way you used to carry your inhaler around rolled up in the sleeve of your t-shirt.