Gertrude Moon Quotes Page 1 of 8

Quote from Mother Load (Part 2)

Daphne: I know you're upset, Mum, but it's not like you and Dad had a perfect marriage.
Gertrude: That's because there's no such thing. You young modern people think marriage is some sort of promenade through paradise, when it's more like a march through Hell with a man strapped to your back and a litter of nasty babies swinging from your teats!


Quote from Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Daphne: This is Donny.
Donny: Hi.
Gertrude: [to Donny] Well, come here, let's have a good look at you. [To Frasier] We were starting to think our Daphne would never find herself a young man. [Looks at Donny] And I see she hasn't. But, beggars can't be choosers.

Quote from A New Position for Roz

Frasier: Oh. Mrs. Moon, we'd like to get two double lattes to go, please.
Gertrude: For an extra dollar, I can add a nip of brandy.
Frasier: Is that on the menu?
Gertrude: [pulling a flask out of her apron] It's on the secret menu.

Quote from A New Position for Roz

Gertrude: Your phone's ringing.
Roz: Oh, it's not mine, it's Frasier's. [looking at the phone] Ew! It's Julia.
Gertrude: Who's that?
Roz: This witch who's trying to get her hooks into Frasier. [shouting towards the phone] I hate her.
Gertrude: I'll fix her.
Roz: Wait, wait. What are you doing?
Gertrude: [waving Roz off, answering the phone in a refined, sultry voice] Hello. [pause] Oh, I'm sorry, Frasier's in no position to talk, if you, uh, get my meaning. Who's this, then? Hold on. [holding the phone out] Sweetheart? Do you want to talk to a Julia? [giggling] Oh, Frasier, put me down! [normal voice] Sorry, he's not here after all. Bye, now. [hangs up] There. Problem solved.
Roz: You know, you probably ruined their entire evening. [mimicking Gertrude's refined accent] How can I thank you?

Quote from The Ring Cycle

Daphne: Where's Alice?
Roz: Oh, upset stomach. On the way home yesterday she snacked on the leftover petals in her basket. So, I'm sorry, but I won't be able to join you for dinner.
Niles: We understand.
Gertrude: Explain it to me then. What sort of child eats roses? 'Tisn't normal.
Roz: You could have stopped her you know.
Gertrude: Not the way she was noshing them up, I couldn't. Like a wood chipper, she was.
Roz: All right.
Gertrude: The incredible beaver baby.

Quote from The Guilt Trippers

Niles: Now, remember, when you arrive, a car will be waiting to take you to the Nani Emaka Hehila Ai House.
Gertrude: I don't know why we can't go somewhere where they speak English.
Daphne: They do speak English in Hawaii, Mum.
Martin: How come you can fly to Hawaii, but you can't fly to England?
Gertrude: How come you can drive your car, but you can't do your own laundry?
Martin: Have a good trip.

Quote from Don't Go Breaking My Heart (Part 3)

Daphne: I know he's trying to ease back into things, but it's been weeks since the doctor said he was okay.
Gertrude: Well, isn't it obvious? The poor thing's probably not feeling very attractive. I mean, he's all skinny and pale, and now he has that scar, too.

Quote from A New Position for Roz

Julia: Excuse me. Can I get some service over here?
Gertrude: Keep your knickers on. [to Daphne & Niles] Don't move. We're not done hashing this through. [Gertrude walks behind the counter to serve Julia]
Gertrude: [singsong, in her refined accent from earlier:] Hello.
Julia: [suspiciously] Hello.
Gertrude: [singsong] Hello!
Julia: Say that again.
Gertrude: [singsong] Hello?
Julia: Now say, "Frasier's in no position to talk, if you get my meaning."
Gertrude: Now, that was all Roz's idea. I had no choice. I'm not a well woman.

Quote from Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Daphne: Mum, this is...
Gertrude: Oh, I know who he is, love. [To Frasier] I want to thank you, Donny, for rescuing my daughter from that horrible Dr. Crane.
Frasier: Well, actually...
Gertrude: Every time I call her, I'm not on the phone five minutes, before that tyrant is ordering her to hang up. [To bartender] Cup of tea, please. Thought my daughter might get me one, but she didn't. Oh, God, this seat's worse than that Winnebago. Though not half as uncomfortable as that sardine-tin of a room you arranged for me. [Frasier delivers a cup of tea] Oh, God, can't bear the smell of that, take it away. Reminds me of the salmon they served on that aeroplane. Oh, if it doesn't have me hurling me guts out, it'll be by God's own intervention. Now, give your new mom a kiss, Donny.
Daphne: Actually, Mum, this isn't Donny.

Quote from Something Borrowed, Something Blue

Gertrude: Well, I'm gonna see if your father's stomach is feeling any better. He keeps saying it's tension. What he's got to be tense about, I'll never know.
Daphne: I was worried she'd be in one of her dark moods.

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