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My Fair Frasier

‘My Fair Frasier’

Season 5, Episode 7 - Aired November 25, 1997

When a woman comes to Frasier's aid as he tries to return a gift at a department store, he ends up starting a relationship with a high-profile lawyer.

Quote from Martin

Sam: It's all right. I've been called back to work. It would be a shame to let a good meal go to waste.
Niles: [sniffs] Ah, Frasier's morel mushroom and tarragon sauce.
Sam: Wow. How did you know that?
Frasier: Niles has always been able to identify a sauce from a great distance.
Martin: His mother and I were so proud.

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Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Hello. I'd like to return this purse.
Sales Associate: I'm terribly sorry, but this was a sale item and we have a no-return policy. You wife didn't like it?
Frasier: Well, I'm not married at the moment.
Sales Associate: Girlfriend?
Frasier: No, no, no, no girlfriend either. In fact I don't have time to go into all my other non-existent relationships. It was a gift for a friend.
Sales Associate: Ah, well. Perhaps your friend would like to make it work with some matching shoes. We have up to size thirteen.
Frasier: This really was a gift and I would thank you when you say the word "friend" not to italicize it.

Quote from Daphne

Daphne: What a shame, and after you cooked that lovely meal.
Frasier: Yes, and let me tell you something, crown roast does not prepare itself. You know, it's funny, as much as I care for this woman, there's something about this relationship that leaves me vaguely unsettled.
Niles: I might venture a theory at which you're sure to hoot. What may be making you uncomfortable is that for the first time you find yourself in a more submissive role.
Frasier: Oh, what on God's earth are you talking about?
Daphne: I think what he means is, you're the girl!

Quote from Martin

Martin: You know, Frasier, if you ask me, you should nip this thing in the bud before it gets out of hand. I don't think we have to look beyond our own family to find an example of someone who let a woman run the show from the beginning and has been paying for it ever since.
Niles: Poor Uncle Frank.

Quote from Frasier

Niles: Well, think about it. How did you two first meet? She came to your rescue.Who initiated the first sexual encounter? She did.
Martin: She did?! For God's sake, who's wearing the pants in this relationship?
Niles: My point exactly, Dad.
Frasier: Oh, fine, look, as much fun it must be to spin out this little theory, it's entirely without foundation. [open chimes] Dear God, there's my rosemary bread!

Quote from Roz

Frasier: A little token of thanks after you cut those new promos, Dr. Frank on KTLK practically vanished from the radio. I know I'm not very good at picking up gifts for people usually, but when I saw this in the window, I knew it was perfect for you. [As Roz looks at the small black purse, she starts crying] Still, maybe I should have gone with the shawl.
Roz: [crying] No, it's not the purse. Although I do hate it. I don't even know why I'm crying.
Frasier: [hugs her] Oh, Roz, it's the pregnancy. A soup of hormones churns through your body and naturally your emotions are rising and falling at the slightest provocation.
Roz: That's idiotic!

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: All right, is there something else going on?
Roz: Last night was a disaster.
Frasier: Oh, right, your date.
Roz: You see, everything was going fine until he tried to order me a drink, but then I told him I was pregnant.
Frasier: You didn't tell him you were pregnant before the date?
Roz: Well, that's not the easiest thing in the world to tell someone. Besides, I was hoping my radiant glow would do the talking for me.
Frasier: Your glow. [laughs] Oh, please, Roz, do you really think that... anyone could miss your glow?

Quote from Frasier

Daphne: Look, if it's any consolation, I know what you're going through. Women have been putting up with it for generations. Men say they'll call and they don't, or you get a few nice dinners and then the eventual booty call.
Frasier: I did not get a booty call. ... What's a booty call?
Daphne: It's a late night call inviting you to meet but with the true goal of just having sex.
Frasier: Oh, God, I did get a booty call.

Quote from Niles

Frasier: A-hoy there mateys. How was the boat show?
Daphne: Oh, it was wonderful.
Martin: Yeah, they had this one great exhibit, where you climb into this boat, you put on a life jacket and they simulate what it's like to be caught out at sea in a hurricane.
[An unkempt, shaken Niles enters the apartment unsteadily.]
Frasier: Good Lord, Niles, why did you ever agree to go on a ride like that?
Niles: I didn't. I dined at the snack bar.

Quote from Martin

Niles: I can certainly see how she'd be intimidated by your fame.
Frasier: Jeez, you know, I thought her name sounded familiar. I must have read it in the newspaper.
Martin: Congratulations, Fras, you're playing in the big leagues now. Kevin Costner, Stephanopolous... you.

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