Roger: "Well, I had a really good year, so I decided, hey, why not reward myself? So I bought what I really wanted, a 48ft cabin cruiser. Want to know how much it cost me? I'll tell you how much it cost me, 300 grand. Not to mention the $20,000 for the custom teak decking. Now, here's my problem: My wife wants to call this incredible vessel 'Lullubelle', after her mother. 'Lullubelle!' So, I say no, we call it 'The Intrepid'. So, what do you think it should be called, 'Lullubelle' or 'The Intrepid'?"
Frasier: Roger. At Cornell University, they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the "tunneling electron microscope." Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons, you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.

Martin: Look. Why don't you just go down there. If you like the food, do the commercial. If you don't, don't.
Frasier: I suppose that's the logical approach. Why don't the three of us go tonight? I'll make a call. I better make the reservations under a different name. I don't want any special treatment, you know. I just want to be treated like I'm just an average working Joe. [on the phone] Good evening. Yes, yes. We'd like a reservation for three this evening at 8:00. Oh, nothing till 10:00? Oh. Well, then, uh- This is Dr. Frasier Crane, from the radio and- Yes, I thought you might. Thank you. [hangs up] We're in at 9:45.

Frasier: What is this with my name on it, Roz?
Roz: That's the contract for the Hunan Palace gig. That's how much they were going to pay you. I guess I need them to change the name on here to "Bulldog".
Frasier: They pay you that much just to read some copy?
Roz: Yes. Of course, Bulldog usually adds his own special touch.
Bulldog: [Gong] [in a stereotypical Chinese accent] You will come, chop chop to Hunan Palace, where Peking duck is always extra crispy. [rustles paper, duck whistle]
Roz: We're gonna get sued this time for sure.

Niles: Let's face it, Frasier, you talk about wanting to safeguard your professional dignity, but the first time you went on the air, you got out of medicine and into showbiz. You're no different from that movie star who let everybody look up her skirt in that film, and then did nothing but complain that nobody took her seriously as an actress.
Frasier: Well, that has nothing to do with this!
Niles: Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video and, I don't mind telling you, we pushed our beds together that night! And that was no mean feat. Her room, as you know, is across the hall.

Bebe: Ah, I've got to go. Flying to Palo Alto, my daughter's at Stanford. [starts to leave] Ah, wait. You don't have kids, do you?
Frasier: Well yes, I have a five year-old son.
Bebe: Lucky you, you won't have to worry about it for years. [starts to leave again]
Frasier: Worry about what?
Bebe: [returns] Tuition, innocent. Oh, wait, I see. You're going to send him to a state college.
Frasier: Well no, no. I plan to send him to my alma mater, Harvard.
Bebe: Ouch! Kiss it and make it better.

Frasier: It's not that I'm not flattered, Miss Glaser, but um- You see, I'm not really a radio personality per se.
Bebe: Oh come on, Dr. Crane, I've heard those spots you've done for that Chinese restaurant, you make me want to stuff my face full of egg rolls and ... I don't know what.
Frasier: Thank you. Uh, but I- You see, I dine at the Hunan Palace frequently, and, uh, that's the only reason I did those commercials.
Bebe: The last thing I would ever want you to do is to advertise something you don't believe in. I am an agent, not a pimp.

Bebe: Dr. Crane? What a privilege this is.
Frasier: Excuse me?
Bebe: Bebe Glaser. I'm Bulldog Briscoe's agent.
Frasier: Ah. Ah, well. Pleasure meeting you.
Bebe: Listen. I'm not usually this forward, but I'm going to come right out and say it. I've done some research and I know you're not represented by anyone, how would you feel about signing on with me as a client? If your answer is no, it won't hurt my feelings.
Frasier: Well, I really don't think so.
Bebe: [emotionally] Why?

Frasier: Well, I don't mean to offend-
Bebe: Are you kidding? You're terrific, you can't offend me. Let me just leave you with my card.
Frasier: Well, I really don't think that's necessary.
Bebe: [snatches her card back] Give me back my card. I will not let you call me. It is too refreshing to meet someone who isn't seduced by the almighty dollar. I would refuse your call.

Bebe: Have you seen Business Week's projection for college costs in the year 2010? [a small, high pitched squeal] Oh! I've got to go, that plane is not going to wait for little Bebe. [walks off again]
Frasier: Well, you know, maybe we should talk, sometime.
Bebe: Let's talk now. [returns] I think I can die peacefully without seeing the first half of the Stanford-Cal game. [they walk off arm in arm]
Frasier: You see, it's not that I object to doing commercials, it's just that I would have to try a product first before I could endorse it.
Bebe: Dr. Crane, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Frasier: Bebe, I don't want to get a reputation for being difficult, but I- I'm just not comfortable with this line.
Bebe: Frasier? Frasier, Frasier. How long have we been together?
Frasier: Six days.