Niles: Dad, I don't think this is a good idea. Where exactly is this stakeout?
Donny: It's at the Alcazar apartments. You know, in Belltown.
Niles: Belltown is sort of a sketchy neighborhood, wouldn't you say?
Martin: Oh, Niles, to you a sketchy neighborhood is when the cheese shop doesn't have valet parking.

Niles: I just see this sort of thing in my practice all the time. People make mistakes, and-and have affairs, and find some way to fix it. It's possible that by taking this picture, you're destroying any chance this man has.
Martin: Niles, the guy's a bum. He's probably always been a bum. Now, if you want to get into a debate about something, maybe you can tell me what those grass clippings were doing in the clam chowder.
Niles: That was lemon grass, and Chef Andre has gotten high kudos for that soup.
Martin: Well, if kudos are those brown chewy things, he can have 'em. I put mine in the ashtray.

Niles: How was Boston?
Frasier: Oh, it was fine. It was great seeing Freddie again. Of course, Lilith was insufferable. She's got a new boyfriend. Some twenty-eight year old named Marcel, he's a contortionist with the Cirque de Soleil.
Niles: She's dating French circus folk?
Frasier: Yes. Well, he's actually perfect for Lilith, he has no apparent spine and she can wrap him around her finger. Of course, Lilith's smug satisfaction was a little hard to bear, though. Especially considering how long it's been since the circus came to my town.

Niles: Look at this neighborhood. I'm not even happy parking my Mercedes here.
Martin: It's not that bad.
Niles: Oh, really? Well then could you explain to me the ominous group of men standing back there in the shadows by my car? They're all wearing the same sort of dark coat. It's some sort of gang.
Martin: Niles, they're Hasidic Jews.
Niles: That's right. Keep walking, keep walking...

Daphne: Dr. Crane.
Niles: Hello, Daphne. Is Dad around? I have that videotape he wanted to see.
Daphne: Actually, he's gone off with Donny. They went to a tractor pull.
Niles: Ohhh...
Daphne: As I understand it, they attach a large weight to a tractor and see how far they can pull it through the mud.
Niles: Ohhh...
Daphne: The answer to your next question is "Beats the hell out of me."

Donny: My surveillance guy just cancelled for tonight, just when I need him for this big money divorce case.
Daphne: Is this the Stanley Redmond thing?
Donny: Yeah, the dumpster rental king. This guy controls half the dumpsters in the Northwest. His wife thinks he's been taking out the wrong kind of trash. You know, if I can prove it, this case is mine.
Niles: That is so depressing. You expect this sort of behavior from a mattress king, but we ask more of our dumpster royalty.

Martin: Oh, come on, Niles, why don't you tell me what's really on your mind?
Niles: All right, Dad, I was worried about you.
Martin: I knew it. Because I'm an old man and I can't take care of myself.
Niles: No. Age has nothing to do with it. I've always worried about you. That's what it's like when your father's a cop. I worried about you when I was five years old. And I didn't stop worrying until the day you retired. And today just brought it all back again.
Martin: Look, I'm sorry. For what it's worth, I know what you mean. My dad was a cop, too.
Niles: I know.

Martin: No, no, hey wait a little bit. Stick around. How'd you like a little clam chowder?
Niles: I'd love some.
Martin: [opening thermos] Okay. This is clam chowder!
Niles: Well, what'd you expect?
Martin: Irish whiskey. Your mother always filled it with coffee and Irish whiskey. We just called it clam chowder in front of you kids.
Niles: Is that why you got so mad that day I crumbled oyster crackers in your thermos?

Martin: Niles, will you quit kidding around? This isn't a game, it's a job. I just want to spot the guy, get a picture and get out of here. So why don't we just sit here and be quiet for a while.
Niles: You know, Dad, are you sure you want to be doing this?
Martin: I thought you said you weren't worried about me.
Niles: No, no, I'm not worried about your safety, I just mean are you doing the right thing? Meddling in this guy's marriage. You know, speaking as a psychiatrist...
Martin: Oh boy, open up a window.

Niles: You pretend to be such a cynic. I think you agree with me. You have too much of a conscience not to.
Martin: Oh, bappity, bappity, bap. Oh, there they are.
Niles: You're still gonna take this picture?
Martin: Ho-ho, you're damned right I am.
Niles: Even though right now that man may be planning to break it off with his girlfriend tonight? Planning to, to rededicate himself to his marriage? The terrible guilt spurring him on to ever-greater depths of commitment, and-and- and years from now he may be sitting with his wife, by the fire, holding her hand, reflecting on all their wonderful years together, especially their sunset years. And you could destroy all that with one click of a camera.
[The camera clicks rapidly]
Martin: Sorry, Niles, what were you saying?
Niles: You took a picture of that tree and you know it.