Niles: Why do you have to make everything so difficult?
Frasier: Excuse me, Niles, but I’ve got news for you. Copernicus called, and you are not the center of the universe!

Roz: Well, what is the big deal? Why don’t you let him have Christmas?
Frasier: Because it’s just so unfair.
Roz: What’s not fair?
Frasier: Oh, you wouldn’t understand.
Roz: Well, come on, Frasier, talk to me. Use your words.
Frasier: It’s just so egregious.
Roz: Smaller words.

Niles: Frasier, you've had Christmas for the past nine years.
Frasier: Yes, but we agreed when you hosted Thanksgiving that we would have Christmas here in its traditional setting.
Niles: Well, maybe it's time to start a new tradition.
Frasier: But I've had new stockings loomed for everyone. Now, there, you see! You made me spoil the surprise. And did no one hear me say that I have ordered an Hungarian goose?
Niles: Which you are more than welcome to bring over to our place.
Frasier: It's not my date, it's dinner!

Frasier: You are trying to bribe Dad to have Christmas at your place.
Niles: Oh, and what about you buying him the dancing Santa? A surprising gift considering you threw his last one off the balcony.
Martin: You did what? That Santa never did anything to hurt you. All he ever did was dance and try to make people happy.
Frasier: Yes, yes. All right, Dad.
Martin: Why’d you do it?
Frasier: All right!

Frasier: Roz, if you needed extra cash, you should’ve come to me. I’ve got of plenty of odd jobs around the house.
Roz: It’s not about money. I’m volunteering.
Frasier: Oh, oh, well, good for you. Yes.
Roz: Yeah, visiting Santa Claus at the department store was one of my favorite memories as a kid.
Frasier: Hmm. I always found him terrifying and inquisitorial.

Martin: Why don’t you just use the punch bowl?
Frasier: Well, because then it wouldn’t be wassail, it would be punch.
Martin: What’s the difference?
Daphne: Me dad used to say that punch makes you want to kiss the donkey in the manger scene, and wassail makes you want to check it into the inn.

Niles: We were hoping to borrow your wassail bowl.
Frasier: Oh, I’m sorry, Niles. I’ve already loaned it to Lawrence Emerson and his madrigal caroling group.
Niles: Well, you can kiss that bowl good-bye. Frasier, the Yuletones are the bad boys of Renaissance Christmas music. Have you ever seen a church common room after one of their performances?

Frasier: Honestly, Niles. I’m really quite affronted by this.
Daphne: If it means this much to him, why don’t just let him keep it?
Niles: No! No. There is no reason why just this once we can’t host Christmas at the Montana. Frasier’s just being a churl!
Frasier: You’re the churl!
Martin: You’re both a couple of churls!

Frasier: Actually, this is another dancing Santa for Dad. His other one got damaged.
Roz: I thought you threw that thing off the balcony.
Frasier: Yes, which damaged it.

Martin: I hope you two are happy. You’ve ruined Christmas!