Frasier: "Though summer at the lake seems but a vapid, vacuous experience, it is a necessary tonic for my troubled youth..." Niles, how old were you when you wrote this?
Niles: Almost nine. Which explains the redundancy, "vapid" and "vacuous." By ten, my writing had gotten considerably tighter.
Frasier: Among other things.

[As Daphne helps Martin flex his leg]
Daphne: Working down at the docks has always been a tradition for us Moons. Me father worked on the docks, and me grandfather before him. All my brothers do. Well, except for me brother Billy. He came home one day, and announced he hated the smell of fish and was going to teach ballroom dancing. And he did. And he does. He's me mum's favorite. Dad mostly flicks the crust off his kidney pie at him.
Martin: How much longer do I have to do this?
Daphne: Be patient. You don't want to go through life dragging your leg behind you like a dead tree branch.
Martin: I'm talking about listening to your family's history.
Daphne: Now, I know you don't mean that. Why would a man of your intelligence say a thing like that when you're in the position you're in and I'm in the position I'm in?

Frasier: Look Dad, I don't blame you for being defensive, but I had a right to know. For your information, this sort of thing happens to a lot of people. If it's any consolation, I know exactly how you feel. I never told you this but, Lilith did the same thing to me.
Martin: Lilith had an affair?
Frasier: The most painful and humiliating experience of my entire life. Well, I'm sure you felt the same way.
Martin: Well, I hadn't thought about it for quite some time, but thanks for reminding me. [laughing] Lilith?
Frasier: I found her attractive. I mean, is it so inconceivable that another man might find her attractive as well?Martin: I guess. So who was the bozo in your case?
Frasier: Oh, God. A Frenchman who lived in a self-contained underground eco-pod.
Martin: Well, that still sounds better than a urologist with a bad comb-over.

Martin: Look, son, do me a favor. Don't hate your mother for this. I wasn't the easiest person to live with back then, and she had plenty of reason to do what she did. Luckily we were able to put it behind us. But I'll tell you, there were times when it really tore me up. I loved your mother.
Frasier: So did I.
Martin: I'm sorry. That's why I said I was the one who had the affair. I was just trying to protect her. Hey, me you already had problems with.
Frasier: Well, Dad, I appreciate what you did, but I still think you should have told me.
Martin: Listen. When Frederick grows up, will you tell him what Lilith did to you?
[Frasier is silent]
Martin: Okay.

Frasier: Well, it's no use crying over spilt milk. Now we've got a free evening. This sound like the perfect opportunity for a couple of guys on the loose to, uh, hit a sports bar, have a couple of brewskis, maybe take in a game or two.
Niles: Right. What shall we do?

Frasier: Dinner?
Niles: Perfect. No place fancy, I'm sure neither of us wants a heavy meal with lots of wine and expensive desserts.
Frasier: Oh, it's your turn to pay, isn't it?
Niles: You know me so well.

Niles: Are you sure it's all right to park in that lot across the street? The sign says it was just for customers of those stores. I don't want to get a ticket.
Frasier: No, it's fine, Niles.
Niles: I mean, I could get just nip back to Crabtree & Evelyn and buy a bar of lavender soap, just to be safe.
Frasier: Oh Niles, Niles. Sit down. Lavender soap. For God's sake, you're a man, you'd look ridiculous.
Waitress: Can I get you a drink?
Frasier: Fuzzy Navel, blended nice and frothy, please.

Niles: Oh, I don't like this one bit.
Frasier: Why, what are they doing now?
Niles: Oh nothing, I just realized if Dad's eating here this can't be a very good restaurant.

Frasier: Why, what are they doing?
Niles: Well, they're leaning in and talking to each other. He's smiling at her. She's ... just collapsed in tears. She's sobbing uncontrollably.
Frasier: Oh, yeah. That's a Crane first date all right.

Niles: According to this, there was a three-week period where Mom and Dad had screaming matches every night, after we went to bed.
Frasier: I don't recall that.
Niles: Oh, that's right. That was the same period where you insisted on wearing the wax earplugs and the slumber mask.
Frasier: Well, I had to, what with you underneath the covers with a flashlight looking at the National Geographic.
Niles: I was looking at the maps.
Frasier: That's what makes it so scary.