Martin: You guys are really gonna do this?
Frasier: Mmm-hmm.
Martin: Monkey around with engines, get calluses and grease under your nails?
Frasier: Yes. Actually, I'm looking forward to it, Dad.
Martin: Well, good for you, Frasier. I'm impressed.
Frasier: As the enigma we call Shakespeare once wrote, "I am a true laborer. I earn that I eat, get that I wear. Owe no man hate, envy no man's happiness."
Martin: You just couldn't let me enjoy it, could you?

Frasier: Oh, would you take off those stupid goggles?
Niles: Well, I'm sorry, it's for safety.
Frasier: Nobody else wore them.
Niles: No one else wore them in gym class either, but then Tommy Fritz scratched his cornea, and then they were mandatory.

Randy: Watch me.
Frasier: So you... twist, and then pull. You see, I was twisting and pulling simultaneously, as per your instructions: "twist and pull."
Niles: In the future, the phrase "twist, then pull" might help.

Frasier: Oh, Chelsea, you are in for a rare treat tonight. Your first opera, and Ben Heppner is singing the role of Tristan.
Chelsea: Oh, this is gonna be a whole new experience for me.
Daphne: Why, you've never been bored before?

Frasier: Now, now, ladies, Niles and I are no strangers to the automobile. Niles, let's have a look. I'll pop the hood.
Niles: That won't void the warranty, will it?
Frasier: That's very funny, Niles. No cause for alarm, ladies. Here we go.
[Frasier presses a button and the trunk pops open]

Frasier: No, no, we are serious, Dad. Niles and I felt completely helpless last night when my car broke down.
Niles: And I vowed never to be humiliated that way again.
Frasier: You know, I'm more than a little convinced that's why Chelsea turned me down for a second date.
Daphne: I'm sure that had nothing to do with it. If I had to guess, I'd say it was all that blubbering at the opera that killed your chances.
Frasier: But it was Ben Heppner singing Tristan!
Niles: You'd have to be stone not to weep at his tragic end!
Martin: Hey, hey! [covering his ears] Haven't seen it yet.

Randy: All right, everybody. My name is Randy, and if you'll take your seats we'll get started.
Niles: We're already seated, Randy.

Randy: Welcome to Basic Car Repair & Maintenance. This is gonna be a real simple, low-stress class for people who don't know much about cars. [a woman raises her hand] Yeah?
Shirley: What if you don't know anything about cars - I mean, absolutely nothing?
Randy: Well, then-
Frasier: Randy, if I may? [turns and addresses the room] On behalf of the class, I would like to say that I-I feel that we're all a bit anxious. But with Randy as our driver, and desire as our gasoline, we will complete this journey together. To paraphrase a famous little engine, "I think we can."
[A man at the back of the class stands up, grabs his coat and leaves]

Randy: Anyway, let's, uh, start with the basics. A car burns gasoline to create small, carefully-timed explosions, whose energy is converted by the engine into forward motion. I'll show you how that happens.
[As Randy explains to the class:]
Frasier: So, the engine is just like the timpani, the way it drives the orchestra forward.
Niles: The conductor drives the orchestra, not the timpani.
Frasier: Niles, the conductor guides the orchestra. He's more like the steering wheel. The actual driving forward, the driving forward is actually executed by the percussion section.
Niles: Seems like someone needs to take a class in orchestra rather than automobiles.
Randy: ...which links the crankshaft to the camshaft, so that the valves are in sync with the pistons.
Shirley: Oh.
Randy: Now, as you can imagine, tolerance is very important in every component...
Niles: What's a camshaft?
Frasier: I don't know, you were talking.

Frasier: Give me that wrench. Give me that wrench.
Niles: I'm telling you, I'm telling you, they are too tight.
Frasier: Here, I'll just try to loosen it up.
Randy: Whoa, whoa. Remember, uh, spark plugs come out with a simple twist and pull. Twist and pull. Give it a try. [Frasier tries again] Okay, uh, that's called stripping it.
Niles: Good job, Frasier. Here, let me strip one.
Randy: No, no, stripping it means breaking it.