Frasier Quote #5
Niles: Of course, I can't take care of him.
Frasier: Oh, yes, of course. Of course. Why?
Niles: Because Dad doesn't get along with Maris.
Frasier: Who does?
Niles: I thought you liked my Maris.
Frasier: I do. I like her from a distance. You know, the way you like the sun. Maris is like the sun, except without the warmth.
Features in the collection: The Maris Crane Files.
Daphne: You know, when I was younger I dreamed of being a ballerina myself.
Niles: So did Maris. But the poor thing could never get her weight up enough.
Niles: Let's get some lights on. [claps]
Frasier: Good Lord, what the hell is that?
Niles: Maris had it made after she lost power in a storm. Battery operated, works on a clapper so you can find it in the dark. Only problem was, the poor thing, try as she might, could never clap hard enough to activate it.
Quote from Martin
Delivery Man: Where do you want it?
Martin: Where's the TV?
Niles: It's in that credenza.
Martin: Point it at that.
Delivery Man: What about this chair?
Niles: The chair? Here, let me get it out of your way.
Frasier: Niles. Niles, be careful with that! That's a Wassily! Oh. Dad, as dear as I'm sure this piece is to you, I just don't think it goes with anything here.
Martin: I know. It's eclectic.
Quote from Roz
Roz: Ever heard of Lupe Velez?
Roz: Lupe Velez. The movie star in the '30s. Well, her career hit the skids so she decided she'd make one final stab at immortality. She figured if she couldn't be remembered for her movies, she'd be remembered for the way she died. And all Lupe wanted was to be remembered. So, she plans this lavish suicide. Flowers, candles, silk sheet, white satin gown, full hair and make-up, the works. She takes the overdose of pills, lays on the bed and imagines how beautiful she's going to look on tomorrow's front page. Unfortunately, the pills don't set well with the enchilada combo plate she sadly chose as her last meal. She stumbles to the bathroom, trips and goes head-first into the toilet. And that's how they found her.
Frasier: Is there a reason you're telling me this story?
Roz: Yes. Even though things may not happen like we planned, they can work out anyway.
Frasier: Remind me again how it worked for Lupe, last seen with her head in the toilet.
Roz: All she wanted was to be remembered. Will you ever forget that story?
Quote from She's the Boss
Frasier: What the hell was that? Was that a gunshot?
Niles: Morning, Frasier. Just getting up?
Frasier: "Just getting up?" Are you out of your mind? A gun just went off in here!
Martin: Niles bought a starter's pistol.
Niles: And there's no need to get snippy. Accidents happen, you know.
Frasier: Oh, I'm sorry. Was I snippy? I didn't realize it was too much to ask that there not be gunplay in my living room!
Quote from Murder Most Maris
Niles: Oh, well, I'm- I'm stunned of course. The idea that Maris actually killed someone.
Frasier: Well, we've all seen her murder many a lively dinner party.
Martin: That's terrible.
Frasier: Oh, come on, I'm joking. And haven't I earned the right to my gallows humor? After all, are you forgetting that just this afternoon I was punched in the face by a man now dead?