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30Quotes from ‘The Show Where Lilith Comes Back’

Frasier: The Show Where Lilith Comes Back

116. The Show Where Lilith Comes Back

Aired February 3, 1994

The Cranes play host to Lilith, who says she is in town for a conference but has another reason for visiting Frasier.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: "I'm here for a convention, and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric Pez dispenser."

Quote from Daphne

Daphne: Oh, my Lord. I've never had a throbbing like this!
Frasier: Daphne, um, this is my ex-wife, Dr. Lilith Sternin. Lilith, this is Daphne Moon, my dad's physical therapist.
Lilith: It's nice to meet you.
Daphne: An equal pleasure. [whispering to Frasier] When I shook hands with that woman, I lost all feeling in me arm.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Martin, I'm especially delighted to see you here tonight.
Martin: [holding his cane closer] Oh, yeah?
Lilith: Oh, yes. Knowing as I do the history of your relationship with Frasier, when I heard that he'd taken you in, I immediately flipped to the weather channel to see if hell had indeed frozen over.
Martin: Frasier, how'd you let ever this little peach get away?

Quote from Martin

Martin: In my day, when two people broke up you were mad, you were angry, you hated each other. Whatever happened to the sanctity of divorce?
Frasier: Dad, you never liked Lilith.
Martin: She's weird.
Frasier: She is not weird.
Martin: Oh, she's weird.
Frasier: Well, maybe she's a little strange.
Martin: No, Maris is a little strange. Lilith is weird.
Niles: Gee whiz, Dad, I had no idea you preferred my wife to Frasier's.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: "My darling, how could a love like ours have fallen so far from grace? There must be some part of your
heart that still resounds to the rhythm of my own. I fear that I'll be lost without you. As long as we have love,
love will keep us together." Aside from the shameless pilfering from the Captain and Tenille, I was moved by your entreaty.

Quote from Frasier

Daphne: Oh, my head!
Frasier: Can I get you an aspirin, Daphne?
Daphne: Oh, no, no, I'm afraid those are useless. This is one of me psychic headaches. There's some kind of negative force out there. I only get these when there's a clawing at the cosmic continuum.
Niles: Perhaps if someone rubbed your temples?
Frasier: Niles! I'm sure she wants privacy while she contacts the mother ship.

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Where's Maris?
Niles: She's visiting her sister in Chicago.
Lilith: Oh. I thought perhaps she was sailing up the transplendent river of your love.

Quote from Lilith

Niles: Frasier, I'm going to pop into your bedroom and use the phone. Maris was developing some sniffles, I just want to make sure she's taking in enough liquids.
Lilith: Isn't it enough that she's eternally sipping from the font of your perpetual adoration?

Quote from Niles

Niles: Well, I guess I'll say my goodbyes as well. Goodnight, Frasier. [ignores Lilith]
Frasier: Oh, this is ridiculous. Listen, Lilith, uh, Niles is upset because you snickered at Maris's wedding vows.
Lilith: I simply responded with the genuine spontaneous emotion I was feeling at the moment. [Frasier signals for more] But, if Niles is not mature enough to accept that, if he is so pitifully insecure, if he is in such need of validation, then I guess for some sense of familial harmony, I do apologize.
Niles: Oh, Lilith, thank you! [hugs her tight] Oh, this bad blood between us has gone on far too long. Next time you're in town, we'll have dinner, just you and me.

Quote from Frasier

Hank: "So, Dr. Crane, I just don't know what to do about my weight. I've tried diet after diet, from the "milkshakes three times a day" to that scary bald-headed lady on TV. Nothing seems to work."
Frasier: Hank, listen to me. You've got to look inside yourself. There is a part of you that isn't being fed.
Hank: "Well, it certainly isn't my butt."
Frasier: Yes, well, I'm talking about your inner self. What isn't being fed there? Love, career, simple self-esteem? There are deeper issues at work here.
Hank: "So, so what do I do?"
Frasier: Well, I'd suggest extended therapy. Please stay on the line, and my producer Roz will refer you to the help you need. Roz, who's our next call?
Roz: We have someone on line one who disagrees with your advice to Hank.
Frasier: Ah, really? Hello, you're on the line.
Lilith: "Congratulations, Frasier, you've done it again. You've led another unsuspecting innocent down one of your dark, dead-end Freudian hallways."
Frasier: Lilith?
Lilith: "Overeating is very simply a behavioral problem caused by negative reinforcement. It can be cured quite readily by behavior modification."
Frasier: I see. Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.
Lilith: "What do you mean by 'celebrity?'"
Frasier: Oh, they know you.

Quote from Roz

Frasier: Roz, what exactly does "call screening" mean?
Roz: It means I get to put on the air the calls I want to hear.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, I guess you'll be rushing off to your little convention now, and I suppose we'll just have to catch up on your next trip.
Lilith: Actually, I'm not doing anything for dinner tonight.
Frasier: Really? Well, then you'll want to keep your dial tuned to 780 for Gil Chesterton's "Restaurant Beat."

Quote from Roz

Roz: Why don't you ask her out to dinner, Dr. Crane? [Frasier glares at Roz]
Frasier: What a wonderful idea! And let me tell you why, Seattle. You see, even though our marriage was unsuccessful, Lilith and I are quite capable of conducting ourselves as adults, and even enjoying spending some time together, from time to time. So, Lilith, seven at my place?
[Frasier holds up a piece of paper to Roz, reading "You're Fired"]
[Roz responds with a cardboard folder bearing the words "I'm Union"]

Quote from Niles

Niles: Frasier, I must tell you, I'm here for support, but I will not speak to Lilith.
Frasier: Oh, Niles, this ongoing feud between you and Lilith is ridiculous. Let it go, it was years ago.
Martin: I can't even remember what the fight was about in the first place.
Niles: Well, let me refresh you. At our wedding, while Maris was reciting her vows — which she wrote herself — vows of love from the heart, I distinctly heard snickering. I glanced behind me and there was Lilith, her fingers pressed hard against her lips, her body shaking like a paint mixer.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: Frasier, I like what you've done with your apartment.
Frasier: Thank you.
Lilith: You have beautiful things.
Frasier: The settlement is final, Lilith.

Quote from Martin

Lilith: [to Eddie] Go away.
Frasier: Why does he listen to you, and not to me?
Lilith: By the tone of my voice, he senses I mean business.
Frasier: Oh, I see. You're saying your voice is more commanding than mine is?
Martin: Hell, I took a half a step before I realized she was talking to the dog.

Quote from Martin

Frasier: So, Lilith, how is Frederick?
Lilith: Well, as you know, I've enrolled him in that chess camp in the Berkshires. It's really quite stimulating. For eight hours a day, he sits in a large auditorium, with 300 other children, mastering the Alhausen-GrobOpening.
Martin: Well, he's in the mountains. Shouldn't he be out there in the fresh air?
Lilith: Every day after lunch they go for a nature walk. Unfortunately, Frederick is allergic to seven different varieties of ivy, so he has to wear long sleeves, and long pants, and a bonnet with a net on it.
Frasier: Boy, I sure hope the other campers don't make fun of him.
Martin: Oh, I'm sure they don't. You know how kind kids can be. Hell, all he needs is a birthmark on his forehead, and they'd beat him to death with a shovel.

Quote from Martin

Martin: So, I chased this guy down a dark alley, and when he got to the end he turned and pulled a knife on me. So I gave him a couple of good shots with my nightstick.
Lilith: Fascinating. I have to ask, were you at all aware of any repressed sexual urges while you were pummeling him so mercilessly?
Martin: Yeah, but I didn't put 'em in the report.
Lilith: You're having some fun at my expense, aren't you?
Martin: Not much.

Quote from Daphne

Daphne: It was a pleasure meeting you. By the way, how many days will you be staying in Seattle?
Lilith: Just through the weekend.
Daphne: Well, enjoy your stay. I'll be dead by Saturday night, I know it!

Quote from Lilith

Lilith: Well, don't I feel like the perfect fool?
Frasier: Listen, Lilith-
Lilith: Here I am, humiliated, emotionally drained, and I've used up all my frequent flier miles.
Frasier: Lilith, please!
Lilith: No, Frasier, please, there's nothing else to say. I'd like to leave with at least a shred of dignity.
[As Lilith closes out the front door, her bag is caught behind her. She tries in vain to pull it through before she rings the doorbell. Frasier opens the door]
Lilith: Thank you.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: I wrote this letter just before I came to Seattle hoping for a reconciliation. She only just now found it.
Niles: Didn't the Captain and Tenille sing this?
Frasier: Like they own those five words!

Quote from Niles

Frasier: Niles, I have a life here that suits me, and yet I can't help wondering if there is still some chance for reconciliation, if it's worth exploring the feelings that- that I'm feeling. Do you think I should see her again
tonight?
Niles: Frasier, like most patients who come to a therapist, you already know the answer to the question you're posing. You just want me to agree with your decision and support you whether I share your opinion or not.
Frasier: Yes, but I don't have an opinion in this case.
Niles: I'm sure you do.
Frasier: But I don't.
Niles: Well, then I can't help you.
Frasier: All right, all right. I think in my soul, I'm leaning toward taking the next step and, uh, seeing if there's
anything ... there.
Niles: That is what you should do.
Frasier: Why?
Niles: You know why.
Frasier: Damn it, Niles!
Niles: Frasier, you know why.
Frasier: All right. We have a long history together, we-we have a son that we both adore. There were some good times, and when they were good... whoo-ah!
Niles: Well, it seems our minds are pretty well made up, aren't they?
Frasier: Yes, they are. Thank you, Niles. I don't know what I'd do without you.
Niles: Yes, you do.
Frasier: Drop it!

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: I must be early, I see you haven't had a chance to put up your hair yet.
Lilith: Oh, I thought I'd leave it down tonight.
Frasier: Really?
Lilith: Yes, after several hours of careful deliberation, and weighing all the consequences, I decided to be playful. I'm glad you invited me to dinner.

Quote from Frasier

Lilith: I was insane to divorce you!
Frasier: Oh God, you're in my thoughts every waking hour!
Lilith: You're the only man I've ever loved!
Frasier: So are you!

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: Well, boy, it's funny how life takes it's little turns, isn't it? Yesterday morning when I woke up, I never imagined I'd be waking up here this morning.
Lilith: Indeed.
Frasier: And I mean, it's not that we were overly impulsive or anything, or that what we did was wrong, I just-
Lilith: This is a mistake.
Frasier: Oh, thank God you said that! Oh, it's not that last night wasn't very enjoyable, but who are we kidding? You've gotten on with your life, I've gotten on with mine. I've got a new career, I've reestablished relationships with my family, I've got a whole new set of friends. For the first time in years, I'm happy. I mean, for us to even consider getting back together, it's just the stupidest thing two people could do.
Lilith: I meant the eggs. I ordered poached, not fried.
Frasier: Well, you didn't let me finish, you see. After I played Devil's advocate, I-
Lilith: Oh, Frasier, don't insult me. That's how you really feel, isn't it?

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: Oh, Lilith, are you crying? God, I'm sorry. Once again, I've led you down an emotional primrose path. Lilith, I never meant to hurt you. I don't blame you if you're mad at me.
Lilith: I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I've just been so lonely over the last year, and when I found your letter, it was like a life preserver. I'm raising a child alone. I'm scared. I always thought of myself as a strong and independent person, but the truth is, I'm afraid. I guess that's why I convinced myself that I was still in love with you.
Frasier: You mean you're not?
Lilith: No, I'm not.
Frasier: Well, that's good. So then what happened last night was only because you were lonely, and I was-
Lilith: We all know what you were, Frasier.

Quote from Lilith

Frasier: And, you know, I can't help telling you this. Even though we're not in love anymore, you were always the most exciting lover I ever had. I think in your heart of hearts that you'd say the same about me.
Lilith: They screwed up the toast, too, I ordered rye.
Frasier: Lilith?

Quote from Niles

Frasier: All right, now, now, there she is. All right, now — now listen, it's just one evening out of your life. Will you at least try to be civil?
Niles: All right, but I refuse to be warm.

Quote from Frasier

Niles: It appears you have come to some sort of a crossroads.
Frasier: Oh, that's a nice tidy little way of saying I'm in hell.

Quote from Frasier

Frasier: You want to bag dinner?
Lilith: There's a bed and an honor bar, what more do we need?
Frasier: Come to me, my white-hot flame!

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