Frasier: Oh, come on in, Niles. Bebe's just bringing me up to speed on her depressing news about my contract negotiations.
Bebe: Don't worry, dear, I just need to find a way to throw a scare into 'em.
Niles: Have you tried turning into a bat?
Bebe: I would, love, but most grown men don't share your fear of tiny creatures.

Matt: I don't think so, Bebe.
Bebe: Why not? All he needs is someone to suck up to him, laugh at his jokes, pretend to listen to his stories. I'm his agent. For God's sakes, that's what I do.

Bebe: Hold on, I can be likable. I can also be very unlikable. Maybe if you explained the difference to poor confused Bebe. For instance, what you were doing in the dressing room with the wardrobe girl an hour ago, would your wife find that likable or unlikable?
Matt: Could you put some make-up on this woman now?

Niles: Well, I can't say I'm surprised.
Frasier: What is that supposed to mean?
Niles: Only that something like this was inevitable. It's the final step in your descent from legitimate psychiatrist to dancing bear.
Frasier: Niles, we are talking about doing a sophisticated television show for one week in order to improve my contract negotiations.
Niles: This has nothing to do with your contract negotiations. You have been an applause junkie ever since you first set foot on a grammar school stage.
Frasier: I was drawn to the theatre because of its discipline and collaborative spirit!
Niles: Oh please. In your sixth grade production of "Oklahoma!", you took so many curtain calls, Mrs. Van Raphorst had to lasso you and pull you from the stage!
Frasier: That woman never understood me or the role of Farmer Number Three.

Niles: I can't believe you're even considering this. The show is nothing more than a melange of bad jokes and mind-numbing banter.
Frasier: Yes, well, it doesn't have to be, Niles, don't you see? I mean, if I could choose the guests myself-
Bebe: You can.
Frasier: And control the content-
Bebe: You could.
Frasier: Well, then, I'd accept.
Bebe: We did. ... I mean, we will. In fact, why don't I call them right now with the exciting news.

Bebe: [taking out a cigarette] May I?
Frasier: On the balcony, if you don't mind.
Bebe: Mind? I don't want a single puff tearing up the baby blues of TV's newest sensation. By this time next week...
Niles: You heard him. If you're gonna blow smoke, do it on the balcony.

Bebe: Don't worry, Matt, she'll be here.
Matt: We won't even have time to put her through make-up.
Bebe: A natural beauty like Roz? Oh, please, darling, pinch her cheeks, stand back and watch her glow.

Bebe: Listen to them. They want you.
Frasier: They do want me, don't they?
Bebe: Tell me to tear up the contract, Frasier.
Frasier: Maybe it is time for a change.
Niles: Get away from him, you she-thing!

Frasier: Hello, I thought you were spending the afternoon with Dad.
Daphne: He's in the loo. Why don't you join us?
Frasier: All right, thank you. Hey, did you happen to catch the show today? I was on fire. First caller was an agoraphobic, boom. Knocked it right out of the park. Then, two troubled marriages and a compulsive over-eater. Boom, boom, boom! I was a regular mental health dispensing machine.
Daphne: I did two loads of laundry and cut a piece of gum out of Eddie's hair.
Frasier: Now, Daphne, don't get down on yourself. The work you do at home is very important. In fact, I don't know what Dad and I are going to do once you're married.
Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane. That makes me feel better.
Frasier: Boom! Boy, there is no off-switch on this thing.
Daphne: Sadly, that's true.

Bebe: I did get one offer that I thought might give us some leverage. It's a TV job.
Frasier: Television?
Bebe: Unfortunately it's all wrong for you. They want you and Roz to host A.M. Seattle next week.
Niles: That vapid morning chat show?
Bebe: Exactly what I told them. Frasier Crane is a doctor! He heals the masses, he doesn't pander to them. He's
not going to do some silly morning kaffeeklatch, no matter how fabulously popular it is.
Frasier: Well, that's quite right, Bebe. That sort of show, it's beneath me.
Bebe: Exactly.
Frasier: It's undignified.
Bebe: Horribly.
Frasier: Still...
Bebe: I'm listening.