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Daphne Returns

‘Daphne Returns’

Season 8, Episode 19 -  Aired May 1, 2001

When Daphne returns from the spa, Niles is upset to learn that Daphne's therapist suggested that the cause of her over-eating was the impossibility of living up to his image of her.

Quote from Martin

Martin: Roz, you know, if you really want to do a kid's book, you ought to write one about Eddie. I'd buy one about Eddie.
Roz: Thanks, but I already have an idea. Besides, if I were gonna use a dog, I'd probably use about my own.
Martin: Well, you wanna make your dog happy, or do you wanna sell books? Now I was thinking, Eddie joins the circus and he has all this clown makeup on and everything and juggles and stuff. And then you could do one where he invents this flying machine and has all these wacky adventures.
Roz: That's kinda cute. He could join a flock of geese or he could become the world's first dog traffic reporter.
Martin: Eddie would never do that. You really don't get Eddie, do you?


Quote from Roz

Frasier: I didn't mean to disturb your reading.
Roz: Actually, I'm doing a little research. I have a meeting with a publisher tomorrow. I'm thinking of writing my own children's book.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: Yeah, it's a story my mom made up for me when I was a little kid. I tell it to Alice all the time now, and I thought it would be such a kick if I could get it published.
Frasier: Good for you, Roz. You know, I dabbled in juvenile fiction myself. Yes, Niles and I when we were boys wrote a series of stories together in which we were the heroes. Along the lines of a "Hardy Boys" or a "Nancy Drew".
Roz: "The Nancy Boys"?

Quote from Daphne

Daphne: Are you saying you don't think I'm psychic?
Niles: Not if you thought I loved your cooking!
Daphne: Well, I'm sorry it's not that hoity-toity crap you eat.
Niles: What does that mean? You, you think I'm pretentious?
Daphne: Ha, you'd eat a worm if I gave it a French name!

Quote from Niles

Frasier: It was called "The Crane Boys Mysteries." They were two plucky lads who used their keen psychological insights to solve crimes brought home by their detective father.
Roz: How many of these did you write?
Frasier: Thirty-four. Yes, there was "The Mystery of the One-Eared Monkey", "On Your Mark, Get Set, Die!", and there was the one where our father was kidnapped and the only clue was a dented Ballantine can.
Niles: "The Suspicious Six Pack".

Quote from Daphne

Niles: I am so sorry. I love you so much. I didn't mean any of those things.
Daphne: Yes, you did. And I did, too. You're a pretentious snob with your wine and your opera.
Niles: Well, you never give opera a chance! You're too judgmental.
Daphne: And you're a clean freak.
Niles: Well...I hate your unicorn collection.
Daphne: And I hate that your closet is bigger than mine.

Quote from Daphne

Frasier: Niles, what the hell is wrong with you?
Niles: Oh, Frasier, you would not believe the hack psychobabble this woman has filled Daphne's head with.
Martin: Well, even if that's true, that's no reason to act like an ass. So you just shape up and treat Daphne with respect.
[The sound of the pig squealing is heard again, before a smashing sound. Daphne can be seen jumping up and down in the kitchen]
Daphne: Apparently that pig of yours can dish it out but he can't take it.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Speaking of Daphne, I was hoping you could spare her this Friday. I'm planning on taking her for a weekend getaway, where I think we may be taking our relationship to the next level.
Frasier: Oh, my God, Niles. You're going to propose?
Niles: No, not that level, the level before that.
Frasier: You're going to ask her to move in with you?
Niles: One more level before that.
Frasier: Well, you're already dating...
Niles: No, that's two levels.
[Niles makes a hand gesture to indicate one level below]
Frasier: Oh, for heaven's sake, just tell me!

Quote from Frasier

Niles: Well, you know. We're going to... consummate our relationship.
Frasier: What? Well, uh... Gosh, it's none of my business, I just thought you'd already reached that level.
Niles: What made you think that?
Frasier: Oh, I don't know. I guess everybody just assumed...
Niles: Who's everybody?
Frasier: Nobody. But Niles, you have been on overnight trips together, haven't you?
Niles: Yes. But they were all perfectly chaste. Daphne wanted to wait until the time was right. And well, we've both just been missing each other these past few weeks, I think the time is upon us.
Frasier: Oh, I'm so happy for you, Niles.
Niles: Thank you.
Frasier: Gosh, nobody's gonna believe you two haven't slept together.
Niles: Who's nobody?
Frasier: Nobody.

Quote from Niles

Daphne: That's very romantic, but I'm not sure I can fit into it. Not yet, anyway.
Niles: Oh, nonsense. You're as svelte as you ever were.
Daphne: You're sweet. And it was cute when I came out of the spa and you pretended you couldn't see me.
Niles: Who said that? Who's in my car?

Quote from Niles

Roz: So Daphne, tell us about the spa.
Daphne: Well, it was lots of hard work. We had hikes every morning and sessions with a personal trainer.
Niles: And a wonderful therapist. [to Frasier] You're going to love this.
Daphne: Yes, there was a professional therapist on staff.
Niles: Named "Gloria."
Daphne: Who helped me dig down to the root of my problems.
Niles: Gloria's very handy with a shovel.

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