Niles: All these years, it's been our secret shame.
Frasier: Yes, and it hasn't been easy concealing it, either. People are always saying in conversation "It's just like riding a bike." I can smile, and nod. But I only understand it in theory.

Roz: I'm on my way to meet Alice and her sitter. Alice wants to practice riding her bicycle for Saturday.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: Mmm-hmm, she loves it. I mean, she had that bike one day before she made me take her training wheels off.
Frasier: Tell me, does she ever find that she feels as though her feet are frozen to the pedals? Stuck in a confused, arrhythmic battle between forward and reverse, until finally, with no locomotive momentum whatsoever, she keels over like a felled tree?
Roz: I don't think so.
Frasier: Well good, good. Because... that's a real thing that happens to some kids.

Niles: I don't have time for that. Daphne wants to go biking tomorrow afternoon.
Frasier: Well, then you're just going to have to tell her that you don't know how to ride.
Niles: I can't. It's too late. If I was going to do that, I should have done it at the bike store. But no! You, you said we could teach ourselves! You said no one would be the wiser!
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: "Two bouncy tires and a taut chain" you said!
Frasier: Niles...
Niles: And now look! My spokes are bent, my pants are stuck, and there's blood on the headlight, and blood everywhere!
Frasier: Niles, that wasn't your fault. That jogger should have been wearing a reflective vest.

Frasier: Uh, Dad, we're leaving now. We're going over to the flower show and after that we're going to a sporting goods store to buy a couple of bikes.
Martin: Nice try, Fras, but I'm too mad to laugh.

Niles: We tried to teach ourselves last night.
Frasier: Oh, can you imagine a sadder tableaux: two grown men trying to gain mastery over a child's toy and failing miserably.
Niles: Even more pathetic, a grown man faking the theft of his and his wife's bicycles. I disgust myself. I'm so sorry, Daphne.
Daphne: Niles, you've no need to apologize. Lots of people don't know how to ride.
Niles: Really?
Gertrude: No.

Gertrude: Oh, you're here to see Marty?
Cora: Actually, I think not.
Gertrude: Look, no. This isn't what it looks like. I'm here to apologize. But since he's not talking to me, I guess I can say me piece to you. Now, first of all, don't be scared. I'm not a secret agent and I don't have a license to kill. Back when I said all that to you, I wasn't really in me right mind, anyway. I mean, I'd just separated from me husband and well, maybe I hoped Marty would be some kind of knight in shining armor. But we were never a couple, though.
Cora: It was a pretty rotten thing you did.
Gertrude: Yes, I know, dear. Just awful. But in me defense, I've done much worse. And besides, between you and the girl at the bookstore, I liked you better.

Frasier: [on air] Oh, but Roz is reminding me that next Saturday is the first annual KACL AIDS Bike-A-Thon. It's bound to be an afternoon of family, fun, and lots of surprises, so dust off your velocipedes and I'll see you there.
Kenny: [entering the booth] Great pitch, Doc. So, uh, what are the surprises?
Frasier: Well, first and foremost, I am not going.
Roz: But you just told them you'd see them there.
Frasier: Yes, Roz, I'm merely getting the rubes into the tent. I will gladly give my money, but spending the afternoon riding bicycles with a bunch of hooligans is not my idea of fun.
Kenny: It's just kids and families.
Frasier: Yes, well so was the KACL family picnic at the zoo, until those urchins jostled me into the orangutan grove. Let me tell you, orangutans are not the playful gentlemen of the trees the nature shows claim.

Martin: Cora. Hi.
Cora: Marty.
Martin: Visiting your son?
Cora: Yes.
Martin: Cora, I'm sorry, but I gotta ask you. What happened? I thought we had a pretty nice thing, but then you stopped returning my calls.
Cora: Why don't you ask your other girlfriend?
Martin: What other girlfriend?
Cora: That bizarre English lady who told me to leave you alone. Because she was in the British Secret Service and had a license to kill.

Frasier: Niles, we can't stall much longer. I mean, one seems as good as the next. Is there anything else we need?
Niles: Hmm, let me see. Oh, yes, I know. We need to know how to ride them!
Frasier: Shh. We will learn.
Niles: Oh, as easy as that? Look at these machines, Frasier. These are bicycles. There is nothing between you and the ground but the ground itself.
Frasier: Yes. And if a child of four can ride one, then so can we.
Niles: That's what we said when we were six.

Daphne: I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Niles: What is it?
Daphne: Someone stole our new bikes.
Niles: My God, are you sure? [to waiter] Can I get a refill? [back to Daphne] That's terrible.
Frasier: You know, that's curious. Niles, didn't that salesman say nothing could break those titanium locks?
Niles: You're right. I must not have locked them properly. Foolish Niles!