Frasier: The doctor says it's all just a matter of aging. Well, no reason to let it ruin our festive lunch.
Martin: Yeah, boy, you don't forget that trip to the doctor, do you? That day he says, "There's nothing I can do for ya, you're just getting old, sport."
Frasier: In my case it was "slugger" but that was the gist.
Martin: Yeah, well, you know what I realize? When people reach our stage of life...
Frasier: Dad, please, with all due respect. When it comes to life's journeys, you and I don't share a stage. We're not even in the same theatre.

Niles: So, how was lunch? What was the big surprise?
Martin: Don't ask! The less said, the better.
Daphne: They put his picture on the wall and he thinks his forehead looks a touch too big.
Frasier: A touch?! I look like a fugitive from Easter Island.

Martin: Fras, will you let it go, it's a perfectly nice picture.
Frasier: Oh, so nothing about it jumped out at you as, oh, I don't know, encephalitic!
Martin: So they gave you a big forehead. Who cares? It makes you look smart.
Frasier: It makes me look like I discovered fire.

Niles: How long is this going to take?
Frasier: Now, Niles, I was fortunate enough that the artist is actually here tonight. I'm certainly not going to rush him. Now, you know, you better finish your lasagna, you don't want to offend Stefano.
Niles: Offend him? So far tonight I have had the prosciutto di Parma, the pesto Genovese and the Venetian Sea Bass. One more bite, and we'll conclude our little tour of Italy with my impression of Pompeii!

Niles: Frasier, you always think you look bad in pictures.
Frasier: Niles, this is not some photo I can throw away. This is a picture of me in a famous restaurant. My God, I dreamed my entire life of being on that wall.
Niles: And now you are. Are you really so vain that that's not honor enough?
Frasier: Vanity has nothing to do with it. It's about misrepresentation. And you know, if I were you, I would be careful about bandying about the word vain, Mr. $250 Haircut.
Niles: I have problem follicles.

Frasier: Gosh, it's so obvious, isn't it? You know, when a person is confronted with some deeply troubling issue that they're not ready to face yet, they usually avoid the problem by obsessing about something else, something completely trivial.
Daphne: [entering the apartment] Got it!
Martin: Got what?
Daphne: Dr. Crane's oat bran.
Martin: God, you left for that eight hours ago.
Daphne: Well, it wasn't easy. They were out of it at the regular market, so I went to another one but then they were out of it. So, I looked into it and it turns out they don't sell it in Washington anymore. Well, for some reason I just couldn't let it go, so I went for a little drive. [to Martin] You know, it wouldn't kill you to do something like that once in a while, get off that big round duff of yours. Anyway, a hop, skip and a jump later, here it is, fresh from Portland. Well, I'm off to bed. Good night.

Frasier: Let the moment build. Besides, Niles hasn't arrived yet.
Martin: Oh, I'd be surprised if he came. He's terrified of this place.
Frasier: Still? My God, it's been thirty years.
Roz: What happened?
Martin: Oh, Hester and I brought the boys here when they were kids and Niles was running around, he bumped into the desert trolley and Stefano got hot and yelled at him and Niles got terrified and he, well...
Frasier: He vomited.
Martin: Right. All over Stefano's shoes. Then he ran out, hid behind the car and he hasn't been back in here since.
Roz: Poor little weenie.

Frasier: Before we unveil this picture, permit me to paint one of my own. A picture of a young Frasier Crane, wide-eyed, gazing at the walls of Stefano's and wondering, "Who's that?" Well, little did I suspect that one day my picture would be on the wall and perhaps now other children will come in, gaze at it and wonder, "Who's that?"
Martin: I bet that's going to happen a lot.

Daphne: Oh, don't you look nice.
Martin: Yeah, Frasier wanted me dressed up for this mystery lunch of his.
Daphne: Ha hasn't told you what the occasion is either?
Martin: No, but I'm sure it's something very important. I'm sure he wants to unveil his new antique Elizabethan egg timer.
Daphne: Yeah, or debut his pre-Columbian spoon rest.

Daphne: I know you're sensitive about your big forehead, but we all have stuff like that. With me it's my eyes. I've always fancied sparkling blue ones instead of dull old brown.
Niles: Your eyes? Your eyes are not dull.
Daphne: Thank you, Dr. Crane. That's very nice.
Niles: Well, they're warm and... full of life.
Daphne: You have beautiful eyes, too. ... Oh, goodness, I can't be lollygagging around here. I have to... to get Dr. Crane his oat bran.
Frasier: Oat bran? Now?
Daphne: You'll need it for the morning. You've got to have something to sop up all that nasty cholesterol gumming up your heart. If not, I'm liable to come home and find you face down on the floor with the dog gnawing off your foot. And I'm not making that up either, that happened. Cheerio.
Martin: I wished she moved that fast when I'm out of beer.