Frasier: As your colleague, I do not deserve to be treated this way.
Julia: Oh, no. We are hardly "colleagues." I deliver the news and you're a... Magic Eight Ball with a Harvard degree.
Frasier: I will not be belittled by a half-educated, money-grubbing parvenu!
Julia: As opposed to some foreign-speaking windbag?
Frasier: That makes you an insecure fraud!
Julia: You are a pompous blowhard!
Frasier: Harridan!
Julia: Know-it-all!
Frasier: Shrew!
Julia: Snob!
Frasier: [lightly grasping her arms] Are you as turned on as I am?
Julia: What? No! Ugh! [casting off his hands] Did you just come on to me?
Frasier: What? No. No. I thought... I thought that you...
Julia: Oh! How could you think I was turned on? What, are you sick?

Gil: Um, I'd like to say something.
Van: Okay, go ahead, Gil.
Gil: From the bottom of my heart, I apologize for my wandering eye over the years. Those whom I mentally undressed - and you know who you are - all I can say, and it's a poor defense, is that I was a product of the thoughtless machismo of my times.
Van: Thank you, Gil.
Gil: But know this, Gil isn't about to stop loving the ladies.
Van: Thank you, Gil. I think they like to be called "women" now.
Gil: Huh. Do they ever!

Roz: Ten seconds.
Julia: Thanks. [taking a sip] Mmm. You call this coffee?
Roz: Most of it.

Frasier: Hello, Seattle. Welcome back. If you've tuned in for mental health advice with an erudite twist, well then, my show will be back up at the top of the hour. And now, for something new, yet germane, as finances can be the cause of that old bugaboo, stress, here now-
Julia: Good afternoon, I'm Julia Wilcox. Today's market swerved like a nervous student driver before finally winding up in a nice, safe neutral. We'll discuss. Plus, are pharmaceutical stocks still worth prescribing? Now this.
Frasier: Excuse me. Uh, I was supposed to introduce you.
Julia: You were cutting into my time.
Frasier: Well, I was giving you an hospitable segue. You see, I thought that since you're new here, I could lend you my equity, if you will. It was just a courtesy-
Julia: Some days on the market, it's black Friday, but today, with the NASDAQ slightly down, and the Dow slightly up, it was more like "plaid Monday."
Frasier: [entering Roz's booth] Next time, I'll get the coffee.

Niles: How's it going?
Frasier: Oh, we're just discussing a new, rather unpleasant colleague of ours. Be thankful that you're self-employed. You don't have to deal with these headaches.
Niles: Oh, not so. I was hoping to come here and complain about my office remodel. I'm annexing the dermatologist's office next door, and in a cheap irony, my skin is breaking out.
Frasier: Your spackle allergy again?
Niles: I'm covered with tiny bumps. It's worse than the summer we added the breakfast nook to the tree house.

Frasier: I'm sorry the two of us got off to a bit of a frosty start, but, uh, I think that in time we will have a very long and rewarding relationship.
Julia: Okay.
Frasier: May I tell you a story? [Julia sighs but doesn't answer] Years ago, I lived in Boston. I was in private practice then and my life was very good. And then my wife left me. I ended up on a ledge, threatening to-to throw myself off if she didn't return to me.
Julia: [to the waiter who brought her coffee] Thank you.
Frasier: Well, this got on the news, of course, and needless to say, after that, patients were a little hard to come by. So... I just wanted you to know that I too have suffered a very public setback.
Julia: Oh, I get it. You're letting me know I'm not alone.
Frasier: Exactly.
Julia: And now we can be friends.
Frasier: Well, if that's how you feel.
Julia: Let's see, how do I feel? Well, it's sort of like on your show when you call people at home to give them advice.
Frasier: Well, actually, I don't call them, they call me.
Julia: Exactly!
Frasier: Well. Good day, then.

Martin: Why would you let Niles bring all his patients to your home?
Daphne: It's only a couple more weeks until his office is finished.
Martin: Well, I sure wouldn't want to have all those crazies over. I mean, what if one of them starts screaming obscenities or running through the house naked.
Daphne: Mum already did that when England lost in the World Cup.

Daphne: How was the Wine Expo?
Frasier: Horrible!
Niles: Frasier ran into a fan.
Martin: Ow, that smarts!
Frasier: Yes, Dad. You have been using that same old joke for the last ten years. So, anyway, I ran into this fan...
Martin: Ouch! Are you okay?

Daphne: You've been complaining about her so much lately. I'm beginning to wonder if there's not something deeper there.
Frasier: I will not even dignify that with a response. ... Except to say that you couldn't be more wrong.

Niles: I don't know, Frasier. She's certainly attractive. And she's intelligent, ambitious, tenacious...
Daphne: Sounds like your perfect woman.
Frasier: She is a cold, insufferable know-it-all.
Daphne: And the list goes on and on.