Frasier: Roz, you must have something?
Roz: Well, you are a little full of yourself.
Frasier: Great. Okay, pompous.
Roz: And you do tend to ramble on with the callers.
Frasier: A tad loquacious.
Martin: Pretentious.
Frasier: Dad, I already wrote that down.
Martin: Underline it.

Frasier: Well, I don't know about love. We've only been seeing each other for a month.
Niles: But you could see yourself falling in love with her?
Frasier: Possibly.
Niles: Some time down the line?
Frasier: Yes, yes, perhaps.
Niles: Well, no wonder you're heartbroken. You've just lost the only woman you could even possibly sometime down the line perhaps fall in love with. I'm surprised the country music people haven't jumped all over this one.

Customer: Half caff latte, please.
Waiter #1: Half caff latte!
Waiter #2: Half caff latte!
Waiter #3: Half caff latte!
Niles: I rather like this new system, it's lively.
Waiter #1: Well, it's more efficient. What can I get for you?
Niles: I'll have a double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte.
Waiter #1: Double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte!
Waiter #2: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Waiter #3: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Niles: Excuse me, I think there was a problem in the chain of command. The middle person reversed part of it. She said, "A double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte".
Waiter #1: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Waiter #2: Double, short, non-fat, low-foam latte!
Waiter #3: Double, short, non-fat, no-foam latte!
Niles: No, no, no. You did it again, that's not what I want.
Waiter #1: Well, you can tell her yourself.
Niles: All right, I'll have a double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte.
Waiter #2: Double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte.
Waiter #3: Double, short, low-fat, no-foam latte. Nutmeg?
Waiter #2: Nutmeg?
Waiter #1: Nutmeg?
Niles: No thanks. It inflames my stomach lining.
Waiter #1: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waiter #2: Inflames his stomach lining!
Waiter #3: Inflames his stomach lining!
Niles: Stop that!

Daphne: Good Lord!
Martin: What?
Daphne: Look at this headline.
Martin: "Martin Crane Dead". Whoa! Bet you don't need much coffee after that. Gee, fifty eight, poor guy, hardly
had a life.
Daphne: Handsome fellow, though.
Martin: Yeah. Multi-millionaire, decorated war hero, wrote a spy novel. "Survived by his wife, Florence, a former Miss. Washington and two sons, Joe, a Marine Corps colonel, and the professional baseball player, Mickey Crane". Nothing like starting the day off jealous of a dead guy.

Frasier: Oh, well, in Aspen they all wear them indoors. Oh, God, the funniest thing happened in the lodge last night. Jack Nicholson and Tom Brokaw discovered they were wearing exactly the same jacket. So they staged a mock fight. Suddenly, Donna Karen flew between them pretending to referee, I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my toddy on someone named Puff Daddy.
Waitress: Can I get anything else for you here?
Niles: Just a dustpan and broom to sweep up some of these names.

Frasier: Oh, by the way, Niles. Do we have plans for tonight?
Niles: Yes, why?
Frasier: Well, I'm afraid I have to cancel. It's my one month anniversary with Sam, I'd like to take her to L' Escalier for dinner.
Niles: I understand, of course. One month is quite a milestone. Thanks for the reminder. I need to change my water filter.

Frasier: You know, it's funny, I think it was a real turning point for us... Well, for me. You see, I was so relaxed. At the beginning of relationships usually I-I'm very tentative. I just have this dark fear that I'm about to be cut loose.
Sam: Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, I know, I know. I'm just being so insecure, it's nice to know that I'm on solid ground.
Sam: Um, Frasier...
Frasier: I'm standing on quicksand, aren't I?

Martin: Now, you know, Fras, I know you're always looking for an explanation for everything but sometimes there isn't one.
Frasier: Well, I know, Dad. It's gonna just drive me crazy. You know, until I know why it ended, I'll just assume it was any number of things about me. My self confidence will be shattered.
Martin: Well, you've got two choices here. You can spend days trying to figure it out until it drives you nuts or you can do the smart thing, make a clean break, never talk to her again, and get on with your life.
Frasier: You're right, Dad, that's exactly what I should do. Thank you.
Martin: No problem.
Frasier: You know, sometimes you're very insightful.
Martin: Well, I've been around the block a few times. ... So, when are you going to go talk to her?
Frasier: Right after my waffles.

Frasier: Come on in, Roz. You know, I was wondering...
Roz: No! I don't know why Sam broke up with you, okay? Just like I didn't know two hours ago. Just like Gil and Bulldog and Miss. Judy from the Arts & Crafts hour didn't know.
Frasier: Well, it never hurts to ask. Miss. Judy had some real insights before she had to make her Popsicle stick run.

Frasier: Okay. Dad thinks I am over analytical. That's great. We've got the ball rolling. Okay, who's next? Niles?
Niles: I'm sorry, I'm not entirely sure how useful this exercise is.
Frasier: Niles, I don't care how you feel about it, you're going to participate.
Niles: Pushy.
Frasier: Well, yes, if that's what it takes to- Oh, thank you.