Daphne: Roz told me all about it. It's no big deal. Accidents happen even when you're being careful. I had one myself a few years back.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, really?
Daphne: Yeah. It was one of those real wham-bam numbers. He was drunk and I wasn't paying attention. I called and called, but never got a penny out of him.
Frasier: I had no idea.
Daphne: Oh, it's not so bad. For goodness' sake, back in Manchester, what with all those drunken louts out and about, it must have happened to me at least a dozen times.
Frasier: Really? I had no- Really?

Bulldog: Hey, tell your brother I'm coming to his charity thing tonight. I just found the perfect costume.
Frasier: And as what literary character will you be attending?
Bulldog: Waldo! [Frasier looks at him blankly] From "Where's Waldo?" He's in, like, sixteen books! You call yourself well-read.

Daphne: Well, I think you look particularly lovely tonight. There's a real glow about you.
Roz: Oh no! Oh God, not a glow! I'm sorry, I'm just a little jumpy. I had... kind of an accident, and I just haven't found out what the damage is yet. Actually, I need to check my machine. Do you know where a phone is?
Daphne: Yeah, there's one at the top of the stairs.
Roz: Thank you.
Daphne: Try not to worry. A few years back, I got rear-ended. Is that what happened to you?
Roz: Not exactly.

Niles: Your boorish behavior is simply appalling. I can no longer hold my tongue.
Frasier: Replace "tongue" with "liquor," and I'll believe you. You're drunk, Niles.
Niles: Drunk like a fox! I know about the baby.
Frasier: You do?
Niles: Yes.
Frasier: Who told you?
Niles: I heard it from Daphne's own lips.
Frasier: Daphne. That blabbermouth. I'll wring her neck.
Niles: Listen to yourself. Have you no conscience?
Frasier: Niles, you're getting awfully exercised about this.
Niles: We're talking about a single woman with a baby. What do you intend to do about it?
Frasier: Well, I suppose I could give her a raise.
Niles: That's your idea of responsibility? Give her a raise?
Frasier: Well, what do you want me to do, marry her? Let's look at something here, buddy, she's the one that got pregnant! [noticing Roz next to them] Hello, Roz.
Roz: Beat it, Niles!

Niles: Trick or treat. Or should I say, "pip pip!"
Martin: What's with the outfit?
Niles: This is part of your costume for tonight. I just picked it up for you.
Martin: What? I thought you said you were getting me a Sherlock Holmes outfit. He didn't wear a bowler.
Niles: Well, they were all out of Sherlock Holmes, so I put together something else for you. Don't worry, it's another detective. Tonight, you'll be Lord Peter Wimsey!
Martin: Who the hell's that?
Niles: He's a celebrated bon vivant sleuth from a series of novels by Dorothy L. Sayers.
Martin: Well, I'm not going anywhere where I have to tell people my name's "Wimsey!"

Daphne: Join me in my bedchamber, my lord?
Frasier: [British accent] After you, my juicy wench!
Niles: "My juicy wench?" [on the phone] Oh, no, not you, Maris! Wait, wait! [to Frasier] I hope you're happy, she's run for her water pills.

Frasier: Roz, who do we have on the line?
Roz: On line four we have, uh, Ted, who is feeling a little disconnected.
Frasier: Go ahead, Ted. [Roz presses a button. A dial tone is heard.] Well, I hope Ted appreciates irony.

Roz: On line two we have Bill, who's going through a very difficult transition.
Frasier: Hello, Bill.
Dorothy: "Hello? Is someone there?"
Frasier: Well, I see we're pretty much through our transition, aren't we, Bill?

Frasier: But, Roz, how?
Roz: I don't know how. No one is more careful than I am when it comes to birth control. But then again, even the best protection is only effective ninety-nine out of a hundred times. I can't beat those odds.
Frasier: Yes, I suppose you've been dodging that bullet for a long time now.

Niles: [answering his phone] Niles Crane. Maris! Where are you? Still at the beauty parlor? What? No, calm down. Calm down. Stop crying. It can't be as bad as all that. Exactly how much hair do you have left? Oh. Well, don't panic, we just have to find another character for you to be tonight. Uh, there's an Ionesco play called "The Bald Soprano!" [chuckles] No I'm joking, Maris. What? You've got to come. Maris, for God's sake, you have thirty-seven wigs, just go down to the wig vault and pick one. Maris, this evening means a great deal to me. I need you here with me. Do you care about my feelings at all? [call disconnects] Well, that answers that.