[Niles is in the bathroom. Frasier talks to him through the door.]
Frasier: Niles, just remember to keep breathing. And trust me, this is not the end. Your life is not over. [silence] Niles. Niles!
[A loud bang is heard from inside the bathroom.]
Frasier: Oh, my God.
[Frasier reluctantly opens the bathroom door. He looks in and sees the door splattered with white foam. Niles emerges covered in the stuff.]
Daphne: Dr. Crane, are you all right?
Niles: I'm fine. Just a little hot. And foamy.
Martin: You know what must have happened? My Hot & Foamy must have exploded.
Daphne: He was a detective, you know!

Frasier: I must say, Niles, that is a striking tie you're wearing.
Niles: Thank you. It was a gift from Maris. She had it made for me to commemorate the end of that dreadful winter she had her obesity scare.
Frasier: Oh, yes. I remember her struggle to lose that holiday pound.
Niles: After she'd restored her figure, she had Yoshi set fire to a hippopotamus topiary she felt had taunted her. Then, as a visual reminder never to let herself go again, she had this tie made for me out of the legs of her fat pants.

Frasier: Niles? Niles, this painting here in the living room. Have you always had this?
Niles: The one of Maris and me in the garden? Yes, we had it commissioned on our third anniversary.
Frasier: No, no, it must be a different painting. This is Maris next to a really big tree.
Niles: No, there's no tree in that painting, it's... Oh, my God. She's had me completely painted out. I don't think I can take much more of this.
Frasier: In that case, I wouldn't look too closely at the face of that skunk in the flowerbed.

Frasier: Now, now, Niles. It's only natural for you to feel a little bit shaky, but believe me, you made the right decision.
Niles: How do I know that?
Frasier: [picking up the journal] Let's just check what prompted us to it. Here: "Niles is incapable of asserting himself, especially in front of females."
Niles: Keep going. This is helping.
Frasier: "As I write this he lies, staring out the window, licking himself."
Niles: What?
Frasier: "He's become so subservient lately that when he's finished grooming himself he often begins licking Frasier."
Niles: I have no memory of that.
Frasier: "April 14th. The day I've dreaded for weeks: Frasier died this morning. I never would have guessed that my heart could ache so over the death of my beloved lab rat. My only consolation is the knowledge that I will soon give birth to my first child."
Niles: Frasier... do you know what this means?
Frasier: Our mother named us after rodents.
Niles: No. It means I have ended my marriage to the woman I love based on the case history of a spineless rat. Oh, my God!

Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Oh, my God. Maris has seen the papers. It's too late to take it back.
Frasier: Your reasoning was still sound.
Niles: My reasoning? My reasoning was based on my mother's obsession with vermin! [throws the journal down]

Roz: Well, I think hugging is very healthy. I read somewhere that if you have physical contact on a regular basis, it can actually extend your life.
Frasier: Well, in that case you should outlive Styrofoam.

Frasier: You know, I would think wearing a tie that Maris gave you might make you feel a little bit melancholy.
Niles: On the contrary. I have every reason to believe Maris and I may be on the road to reconciliation.
Frasier: Really?
Niles: We met for lunch today. I told her I couldn't stand being in separation limbo anymore, and unless she wanted the marriage to end we simply had to get into counseling.
Frasier: And she agreed?
Niles: Her exact words were, "I'll think about it." But I saw a twinkle in her eye I have not seen since the neighbor children discovered our new electric fence.

Martin: Hey, this is my stuff.
Daphne: It's a box of junk.
Martin: It's not junk.
Daphne: Oh, rubbish. It's a bunch of useless gadgets you haven't used in years. Like this remote control to God knows what, useless. Just like this, whatever it is.
Martin: That's the SteamMaster 2000! Like on TV, "Live life wrinkle free" It even comes with an attachment that cooks Chinese vegetables.

Niles: What are we going to do?
Frasier: Well, I guess we're just going to have to wait until Lady Baskerville comes back from the spa.

Niles: Just listen. One of our old dogs used to be spooked by thunderstorms. The vet told us half of one of Maris's green pills would allow him to sleep safely right through the storm. You get the meat, I'll get the pills.
Frasier: Right. Wait! What if Maris is out of pills? [Niles starts laughing] Oh, I see.
Niles: Thank you, Frasier, I needed that.