Trending ‘Frasier’ Quotes

Quote from Frasier in Daphne Hates Sherry

Frasier: Please, would you two spare me the single entendre this morning? I'm trying to avoid getting sick.
Sherry: Well there's nothing like one of mama's big biscuits if you're fighting something off.
Frasier: Yes, I'm sure with good aim it could bring down an elk.

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Quote from Daphne in The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl

Frasier: Oh, all right, somebody else! So, you have a, a mad tryst with this young man, and then the next day he says that he thinks things are going too fast; he'd like to slow down. What would you say?
Daphne: I suppose I'd say, "Thanks for being honest. You're probably right, we were moving too fast." [suddenly bitter] "Not that it was too fast for you last night. Oh, no, we were right on schedule then, weren't we? But, now you've had your fun - though not too much, apparently — and you want to be my friend. Well you can just sod off, Trevor Mulgrew!" You know, I think I might have some buttons for this shirt.

Quote from Daphne in The Apparent Trap

Martin: Could you just once cook a traditional Thanksgiving meal? I mean, look at this cranberry sauce. It's supposed to keep the shape of the can, quiver a little bit. What are all these little chunks in there?
Daphne: Those are cranberries.

Quote from Frasier in The Kid

Frasier: Roz, I'm going to tell you something I didn't find out until I became a father. You don't just love your children. You fall in love with them. It's that same rush, that same overwhelming desire to see them, to hold them, and bore other people to tears with every detail about them.
Roz: Oh, my God. I'm gonna have a baby. Someone is gonna call out for "Mom" and it's gonna be me. I'm really scared. What if I can't do this by myself?
Frasier: But, Roz, you're not all by yourself. I'm here.
Roz: Oh, thank you, Frasier. [hugs him]
Frasier: And I'll be available for you in whatever way you wish, from taking you out to dinner tonight, to that moment in the delivery room when you say, "Welcome to the world little Jimmy," or "little Sally," or dare I hope "little Frasier?"
Roz: Oh my God, I think I'm gonna be sick.
Frasier: I guess I got a little carried away there.
Roz: No, I mean I'm gonna hurl!

Quote from Martin in The Apparent Trap

Martin: Wait, wait, wait. What are you doing?
Daphne: I'm mashing the potatoes.
Martin: By hand? You're supposed to whip potatoes, that way every bite tastes the same.
Daphne: Isn't that a bit bland?
Martin: Hello? Welcome to potatoes!

Quote from Niles in Call Me Irresponsible

Niles: What does your stomach have to say about this?
Frasier: My stomach?
Niles: You know what I'm talking about. Ever since you were a child, if you even approached a breach of ethics you'd get queasy. Actually, you'd get physically sick.
Frasier: Well, at least when it came to ethics I didn't get spontaneous nosebleeds.
Niles: Remember the time we lifted that dollar bill from mom's change purse? We left quite a gruesome trail back to the tree house that day.
Frasier: Ah, but you see, Niles, you've proved my point. I'm not the least bit queasy, I'm fine. My head, my heart, my gastrointestinal system, they're all shouting the same thing. It's okay! [looks around] Niles? Niles, this is a new car?
Niles: Yes, actually it is. Patient of mine got me a huge break on a lease. [puts his finger to his nose] Frasier, do you have a handkerchief?

Quote from Niles in Goodnight, Seattle

Martin: What are you doing here?
Niles: Escaping. I woke this morning to find Daphne's brothers playing a game called "I Can Reach It From Here." Give you a hint, the "it" was a toilet. And there were no winners.

Quote from Niles in RDWRER

Frasier: You know, besides, I'm actually enjoying this little trip through the heartland. I feel a bit out of touch with the common man, it's nice to reconnect.
Niles: Well, while you're reconnecting. Why don't you let me drive?
[Frasier and Martin share a look]
Frasier: I would, Niles. It's just that, em... I need you to navigate.
Martin: Yeah, you're the most important member of our crew, good buddy.
Frasier: The man with the map.
Niles: Stop patronizing me. I want to drive.
Martin: Oh, you're not good with big cars, Niles. Remember when I tried to teach you to drive my Le Sabre? You kept panicking and pulling on the emergency brake.
Niles: Well, it's a good thing I did. Those mailboxes weren't even slowing me down.

Quote from Frasier in Death and the Dog

Frasier: "I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat and snicker."
Niles: T.S. Eliot.
Frasier: Dead.
Niles: "Must not all things at the last be swallowed up in death?"
Frasier: Plato.
Niles: Even deader.

Quote from Frasier in A Lilith Thanksgiving

Dr. Campbell: Ah, Dr. Sternin and Dr. Crane. Forgive me if I don't give you a big hello hug, but as you can see, I'm wearing this greasy apron. On top of which, I'm beginning to loathe the sight of both of you.
Lilith: All the more reason for us to be brief.
Dr. Campbell: Yes, I'm sure you'll be on your way, just as soon as you've found the cufflink given to you by Haile Selassie.
Lilith: No false pretense this time. We know that with so many qualified applicants and only one position open, that your decision must be very difficult.
Frasier: Yes. And so, in the spirit of the holidays, like Indians to your pilgrims' table, we bring this little bit of garnish, as it were, in the hopes that our relationship may flower.
Dr. Campbell: I'll have you know that, in twenty-two years, I have never accepted a bribe. I have to tell you, I find this utterly offensive. [He looks at the check] In every possible way. And now, if you don't mind, I have guests on the way. And a turkey so under-cooked, a skilled veterinarian could still save him.
Frasier: But, Dr. Campbell...
Dr. Campbell: Unless the rest of that sentence is "I have a fully cooked turkey in the breast pocket of that blazer," I'm afraid our conversation is at an end.

Quote from Martin in Shrink Rap

Martin: You know the best thing about getting old? Your hair may turn grey, your joints may stiffen, you may even have to walk with a cane. But people still ask you to help them move.

Quote from Lilith in Adventures in Paradise (Part 2)

[Madeline opens the door. Lilith is standing there]
Madeline: Oh God!
Lilith: It's nice to see you too. Is Frasier here?
Madeline: Don't you live in Boston?!
Lilith: I'm here on a layover. And judging by Frasier's trademark mangoes on a stick, so are you. If you'd like, I can come back in ten minutes.

Quote from Frasier in Adventures in Paradise (Part 1)

Frasier: Oh, my. Who is this fresh angel? Madeline Marshall, #47.
Roz: Ooh, manufactures her own line of sportswear!
Frasier: God, she's a stunning woman. "Single, patron of the arts, MBA at Stanford"- Well, if you have to go to school on the West Coast.

Quote from Roz in Our Father Whose Art Ain't Heaven

Roz: Frasier, have I ever told you about my ceramic hippo collection?
Frasier: Oh yes, many times.
Roz: The hell I have. Shut up and listen. One Christmas my Grandma sent me a ceramic hippo.
Frasier: Roz, a hippo cannot possibly be as repellent as a rabid matador killing an epileptic bull.
Roz: Was the bull wearing a pork-pie hat and fishing off a dock?
Frasier: Continue.
Roz: Okay. I made the mistake of telling her how much I loved it. Well, that just opened the floodgates. I got ice-skating hippos and hula-hooping hippos. Thank God for that earthquake.
Frasier: Oh, you mean they broke?
Roz: Well, I assume they did when they hit the bottom of the garbage chute. But I blamed it on the earthquake, and the point is, you need to talk to your father now and be honest with him or you're gonna be stuck with that thing until the next natural disaster.

Quote from Martin in The Adventures of Bad Boy and Dirty Girl

Frasier: So who's moving out anyway?
Daphne: Deirdre Sauvage, the one who writes the romance novels.
Martin: Yeah, the lost Gabor sister's finally outta here.

Quote from Frasier in Frasier's Curse

Niles: I thought you were staying home?
Frasier: Yes, well, not any more. I ran into Percy Williams down at the grocery store. He mistook me for a street person. If I don't get down there and defend myself, he'll be passing around that rumor along with the Swedish meatballs.

Quote from Frasier in Shutout in Seattle

Frasier: Nice job there, Roz. Could you please try to find some callers that have real psychological problems?
Roz: Your dad's on Line 2.
Frasier: I meant during the show.

Quote from Niles in The Matchmaker

Niles: There we go. Triple espresso and my mocha latte. Do those chocolate shavings look different to you?
Frasier: No.
Niles: Well, they do to me. I think they've switched to an inferior domestic brand. [takes a sip] Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. Waxy.

Quote from Frasier in The Unkindest Cut of All

Frasier: What were you thinking, letting him run free in the park? Haven't you ever seen the way he tries to romance my towel warmer?

Quote from Frasier in The Two Hundredth Episode

Frasier: Listen, Tom, you know I must confess I'm a bit concerned. Um. I'm delighted to have you as a fan, I really am. But the whole purpose of my show is to help people live better lives, and I'm afraid that I've hurt yours. I just... There should be more to life than... There should be more.
Tom: Yes, but as you always say, "Life is most fulfilling when spent in the pursuit of one's passions."
Frasier: Yes, but as I've also said, "Weave the tapestry of your life with many diverse threads."
Tom: Ah, yes, but you added, "Make sure to weave the pattern that pleases you most."
Niles: "Weave the tapestry with diverse threads"?
Tom: Yes, Frasier said all of these things, and many others. He is a genius. Would you like some guacamole?