Frasier: Niles. Niles, what happened? Was that Maris I saw running out of here?
Niles: Yes. She saw Mimi pawing me and assumed the worst. I've got to go speak to her. How upset did she look?
Roz: Oh, I couldn't see anything past the outfit. Who wears a black dress and veil on a cruise?
Frasier: Roz, the woman has virtually no pigmentation. Three minutes in the sun, she'd sear like an ahi tuna!

Roz: I don't see her. Maybe she went back out. Oh, wait. I see her coat on a hat rack.
Frasier: Look closer. Is the hat rack moving?
Roz: Oh, my God.

Frasier: I thought you were preparing an anniversary dinner for Maris.
Niles: Uh, not this year. Maris has chosen to fly off to a clinic in the Alps for an experimental rejuvenation treatment. Only one man performs the procedure and she wants to see him before he's extradited.

Frasier: Oh, hello, Daphne. You're looking very comfortable for afternoon.
Daphne: I just love days like this. Nothing to do, nowhere to go, though I have a nagging suspicion I've forgotten something.
Frasier: Like getting dressed?
Daphne: Oh, I could just watch the rain all day. Of course, when I was a little girl, I hated the rain. Stuck inside, couldn't go out and play. But my mum would always says, "Enjoy it while you can, there'll be no water in hell." Of course, that was her answer for everything. "Eat your veggies, there'll be no Brussels sprouts in hell. Have a lie-down, there'll be no naps in hell."
Frasier: Daphne, I am a therapist, if you'd like to talk about this sometime.
Daphne: About what?

Frasier: You know, Dad, maybe I should-
Martin: Ah, ah. Stop right there, I know what you're going to say. You want to call Maris and talk her into spending her anniversary with Niles.
Frasier: I didn't realize I'd gotten as predictable as all that.
Martin: Well, you have, and if you ask me-
Frasier: Stop right there. I know exactly what you're going to say. You're going to say I should mind my own business and keep my big bazoo shut.
Martin: I was gonna say "fat yap," but you're in the ballpark.

Roz: Hey, some ship, huh? How's your stateroom?
Frasier: I'd hardly call it a "stateroom." Wouldn't even call it a room, but I don't know the nautical term for "broom closet with sconces." How's yours?
Roz: [closes her door behind her] The same. Worse, even. I'm sure you have a better view from your porthole than I do.
Frasier: You have a porthole?
Roz: What's the difference? A cabin's just a place to shower and change your clothes.
Frasier: You have a shower? All I have is a nozzle and a floor drain, it took me an hour before I put those two things together.

Martin: Now the buffets come at a pretty good clip, so you got to pace yourself. Watch out for your fillers: your breads, your rolls, your chips and dip. You've only got so much room, don't be a hero.

Roz: Look, Frasier, it's not that bad. I mean, at least you got top billing.
Frasier: Well, of course I got top billing. I'm the only one up there I've ever heard of.
Roz: Come on, what about him?
Frasier: "Latin Singing Sensation Carlos 'the Barracuda' Del Gato?"
Roz: Yeah. Don't you remember him from the 70's? He invented that big dance craze, the Barracuda.
Niles: Believe it or not, Maris was a big fan of his.
Frasier: No!
Niles: Yes, that was the one dance she could do. The Hustle was too strenuous, she had no booty to shake. But her fetching little under-bite was just perfect for the Barracuda.

Roz: Look, there he is, the Barracuda.
Frasier: How thrilling. A fellow headliner on the U.S.S. Has-Been.

Niles: I spent hours looking for her, then I remembered her fondness for the Barracuda. I ran down to the lounge, and found that Latin cheese ball crooning his ghastly song directly to her. I started to approach, then a waiter came over, and by the time I got the champagne out of my eyes, she'd disappeared into the crowd. I waited for her after the show. She never came out. Neither did Del Gato.
Frasier: Niles, what are you implying?
Niles: You know Maris's taste for revenge. If she thinks I'm having an affair with Mimi, then she's going to try and
punish me in kind.
Roz: Wow. Do you really think she's planning to "do the Barracuda?"