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You Scratch My Book...

‘You Scratch My Book...’

Season 2, Episode 15 -  Aired February 14, 1995

After casting scorn on the writer of pop psychology books, Frasier has a change of heart when he meets the attractive author in the flesh.

Quote from Niles

Niles: I would gladly go, but I've got my compulsive spending seminar, and I'm hoping to unload the rest of these raffle tickets.


Quote from Niles

Frasier: You know, Niles, I've been thinking maybe I should get on that gravy train myself. Tell Wendell I'm in for ten thousand.
Daphne: Good lord, ten thousand dollars, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Yes, well, just think of the dinner I'll be able to buy when Niles brings me my profits.
Martin: Well, what the hell, put me down for a couple of hundred. This guy's some kind of genie.
Niles: Yes, he's a real treasure, isn't he? I only hope those chest pains he was complaining about this morning turn out to be indigestion.

Quote from Martin

Niles: What are you all dressed for. Hot date?
Frasier: As a matter of fact, yes.
Niles: With whom?
Martin: Dr. Honey Snow.
Frasier: Did it not occur to you that I might not want Niles to know who I'm dating?
Martin: Sure it did. Right before I said it.

Quote from Frasier

Martin: What's this?
Frasier: Oh must be one of those inspirational tapes that Daphne's always listening to. [Daphne comes in from her room.] Oh, my God, "Here, Have a Rainbow", by Dr. Honey Snow. Daphne, how can you listen to this stuff? It's absolute dribble.
Daphne: Well, for someone who writes dribble, she's awfully popular.
Frasier: Oh, really, fancy that. She tells everyone that they're perfectly wonderful and that nothing wrong is ever their fault. What do you know, they like it.
Daphne: There's a lot more to it than that. You should try reading one of her books.
Frasier: Yes, well I have. Believe me, after one page, I was yearning for the worldly cynicism of Barney the Dinosaur.

Quote from Niles

Niles: Oh, ye gods, who's been plumbing the shallows of Dr. Honey Snow?
Daphne: I have.
Niles: Insightful, isn't she?

Quote from Niles

Martin: What's the big deal?
Frasier: I have my reputation to think of.
Niles: What's the big deal?

Quote from Roz

Roz: Can you believe people go for this junk?
Frasier: It's unbelievable. Here, get her autograph for me, will you? She's sitting right behind those people over there. Just go get it signed and then we'll get out of here, go have a nice lunch at Le Cigare Volant.
Roz: Me? Why don't you do it?
Frasier: I have my reputation to think of!
Roz: Oh, what's the big deal?

Quote from Niles

Frasier: And, last but not least, my brother Niles.
Dr. Honey Snow: Oh, Dr. Niles Crane. I read a wonderful article you wrote in the Journal of Psychiatric Medicine. Let's see, "Gestalt Therapy, Probing the Subconscious".
Niles: Yes. And I believe I read your quiz in Cosmo, "Is Your Guy a Stud or a Dud?"

Quote from Niles

Frasier: Well there's no two ways about it, then. I'm writing that foreword.
Dr. Honey Snow: Oh, that's great.
Daphne: Just think. By next fall, there'll be half a million copies in print with your name right on the cover.
Niles: I've got my Christmas shopping done.

Quote from Niles

Frasier: Well, Niles, that broker of yours, he's a marvel.
Niles: Yes, he's doing wonderful things for me.
Frasier: Yes, I'd say so. I've been so impressed with his winning streak lately that I asked Daphne what her latest pick was, I invested a few hundred myself.
Niles: Really? Well, congratulations.
Frasier: Thank you. But there's just one thing, though, it's very hard to figure out. Although I invested in the very same stock that Daphne did, mine declined and hers went up. How do you explain that?
Niles: Obviously, one of us is lying, Frasier. ... What are you up to?

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