Frasier: Welcome to "The Wine Corner." I hope you're as excited about this new program as I am. I offer myself as sherpa, a guide, if you will, to lead you through the labyrinth of vintages and wine lists, chateaus and bodegas, and take you hopefully to a whole new level of sophistication...
[later:]
Frasier: In summary, Linda, the year listed on the bottle is not an expiration date. So that wine from 1997 should be perfectly safe to drink.

Frasier: I wonder what they're doing at the wine club right now.
Martin: Oh, jeez. Are you gonna do this all night?
Frasier: No, no, Dad, you're right, I'm sorry. It's just that I hate to see a once-proud institution making so many foolish mistakes.
Martin: Well, if it makes you feel any better, the club'll probably fail without you. It'll be no fun. All the members'll resign. This time next month, they'll probably have torn the building down.
Frasier: I never know when you're being facetious.
Martin: Yeah, you do.

Frasier: Dad, this isn't necessary.
Niles: Yeah, we-we can talk about this some other time.
Martin: Zip it up, both of you. I just gave up the best meal of my life to come down here, so listen up. Niles, let your brother play.
Niles: Dad, this is not a game. This is a club and Frasier broke the rules!
Frasier: Technically, I-
Martin: Well, then you write a new rule so that Frasier can come back.
Frasier: First, I want an apology-
Martin: I said zip it.
Niles: He did, I heard him.
Martin: Don't get smart. Now, are you gonna let your brother play?
Niles: Dad-
Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play?
Niles: Why-
Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play?
Niles: I-
Martin: Are you gonna let your brother play?
Niles: Fine.
Martin: Am I gonna have any more trouble between you two?
Frasier & Niles: No.
Martin: No, what?
Frasier & Niles: No, sir.
Martin: Good. Now shake hands. That's more like it. Now, if you don't mind, I've got a big plate of Gewurzplatzchen waiting for me at home with my name on it.

Gil: Normally at this time, I'd be doing my segment on food for the calorie-conscious, "All Things Light and Edible." But apparently health is going to take a backseat to the random musings of a radio psychiatrist on wine. So without further ado, I give you "The Wine Corner," with your host, Dr. Frasier Crane.
[Gil takes off his headphones and stomps away]
Frasier: Thank you, Gil, for that gracious introduction.

Gil: And finally, no review of Le Petite Oiseau would be complete without a word about their décor. Hideous. I'll be back after these messages.

Niles: Thank you, thank you, Brother Reynolds, for your inaugural ode, and may I congratulate you on your ingenuity in rhyming "Sauvignon" with "tie one on."
Reynolds: Sir.
Niles: And now, as outgoing Corkmaster it is my privilege to bestow the sash of office upon the newly-elected Corkmaster... which would be me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for your support. It humbles me, and I only hope to live up to the shining example of my predecessor. And of course the example of my opponent, the other brother Crane, who so graciously conceded after that fourth recount.

Niles: Just as the cork protects the wine, as Corkmaster I hope to protect the wine club from the forces of metaphorical oxidation-

Frasier: All right, Roz, now this is a very different kind of show we're going to be doing, so are you clear on the procedure?
Roz: What's so hard? You talk for a while, I screen calls, you answer them, I look interested - Oh, I see the hard part.

Kenny: Hey, there's my Renaissance man.
Frasier: Ah, Kenny.
Kenny: If he can't solve their problems with therapy, solve them with drinking.
Frasier: Yes, well, let's just keep that out of the ads, shall we?
Kenny: Haha, too late.

Roz: Hey, Gil, what is the deal with Lance?
Gil: Oh, smitten already, are we, Roz? Well, he's certainly catnip to the ladies.
Roz: No, that would- Really?
Gil: Well, that's what he claims. Of course, I've never actually seen him with a woman. Well, just between us I've always thought he went the other way.
Roz: Which way would that be?
Lance: [singsong] And we're back!