Frasier: And so it seems I have dated every woman in Seattle. The well is dry. The cupboard is bare. There are no more fish in the sea. Meanwhile, my dad is engaged, my brother is expecting his first child, while I am left to spin aimlessly on the dating hamster wheel.
Charlotte: You like your metaphors, don't you?

Frasier: So does your old boss toast you every year when he celebrates his anniversary?
Charlotte: Actually, he's a she now, and my friend's kind of bitter. But I got the hang of it after that. Well, until I lost the business and came here and moved in with my crazy-ass mother.
Frasier: For what it's worth, it will get easier living with her.
Charlotte: [laughs] Is that your professional opinion?
Frasier: Actually, it's a personal one. My dad lives with me.
Charlotte: No.
Frasier: Mmm. 11 years.
Charlotte: Yikes.
Frasier: Yeah, yeah. It does take a while to adjust to each other before you're perfectly in sync.
Charlotte: How long did that take?
Frasier: I'll let you know.

Daphne: I've seen enough.
Harvest: Wait, wait. You'll see how Cindy pushes through the pain.
Daphne: I'm not pushing through anything. I'm having my baby the way God intended: in a hospital, numb from the waist down. Now, take your incense and your woo-woo stick and get out. [closes door] And you, stop acting pregnant. You're a man, for God's sakes.

Frasier: And what do you do?
Creationism Date: I'm a science teacher.
Frasier: Ah, serendipity. I'm a science man, myself. I suppose that's why Charlotte got the two of us together. Well then, what's your field?
Creationism Date: Well, my field is biology, but my specialty is creationism.
Frasier: Oh, well, I find that... Excuse me?
Creationism Date: You know, they're only in first grade, so they don't understand everything. But Brother William, he's our leader, he likes us to get them started young before they get their minds warped by all that fossil nonsense.
Frasier: Well, you know, I-I realize that Darwin had his detractors, but to call it nonsense seems a bit cavalier, don't you think?
Creationism Date: Oh, dear. You're one of those. You think we're descended from apes?
Frasier: Well, not recently, no.
Creationism Date: Do I look like an ape to you? Do I have hairy palms and a big hairy back?
Frasier: Would you like a drink?

Frasier: Charlotte, where's my date?
Charlotte: I am so sorry. She just called. She had to cancel.
Frasier: That does it.
Charlotte: No, we'll find another evening.
Frasier: No, Charlotte, we will not. You have sent me on enough miserable dates, thank you. Before you fix me up with a doll-collecting war criminal or a hashish-smoking burger flipper, I want out! And I want my money back.

Roz: Anybody need anything? I'm getting more coffee.
Daphne: Oh, no thanks, we brought fennel tea and some healthy snacks to nibble on.
Frasier: Oh, peanut butter and carrots. Looks like somebody has pregnancy cravings.
Niles: Yes, I just can't help myself. [reaches for some]
Frasier: Oh dear, Niles. Couvade Syndrome?
Niles: We just call it love.

Cindy: We were so excited when you guys asked us out. You're like the A-list couple in Lamaze class.
Niles: Oh, well, that's good to hear. We were afraid we were in the "C-section."

Brad: Hey, what are you guys doing with your placenta?
Cindy: Ours will nourish the roots of a special tree we plant in our yard.
Niles: Well, we live in an apartment. Although that ficus in the study is looking a tad droopy.

Charlotte: Hi. Welcome to Charlotte's Web, a matchmaking service. Come in.
Frasier: Well, I'm- I'm sorry, isn't this...? Oh, I see what happened. I must have been so engrossed in my paper I went right past my floor.
Charlotte: Of course. It can be a little embarrassing to admit you need help in the romance department, please come in.
Frasier: No, this was a mistake.
Charlotte: I understand. Come in.
Frasier: Trust me, you are comically incorrect. I do not need a matchmaker.
Charlotte: So you're married?
Frasier: No.
Charlotte: Dating someone?
Frasier: I date plenty. In fact, I often need the proverbial stick one uses to beat women off... with. I... I believe my point is made.

Charlotte: Why don't you just take my card?
Frasier: I don't need your card.
Charlotte: In case you change your mind.
Frasier: I won't change my mind.
Charlotte: For a friend.
Frasier: I have no friends. ...who are in need of your services. You see, I am a bit of a local celebrity, so I have no trouble getting dates.