Niles: These lawsuits have me so rattled. You know me, Frasier,normally I'm unflappable.
Frasier: Niles, if you flapped any more, we'd have to lower you to half mast on Veterans Day.

Frasier: Oh, Dad, you're going to have to clear out. Daphne and I are meeting with my lawyer.
Martin: I don't know why you have to go with that high-priced lady instead of the guy I recommended.
Frasier: Please. Donny is suing me for emotional distress. Your guy wanted me to limp into court wearing a neck brace and claiming not to speak English.
Martin: Hey, you don't keep an office in the mall for twelve years without knowing a few tricks.

Martin: I don't understand you guys. Instead of you each hiring expensive lawyers, why don't you just settle?
Frasier: Because we didn't do anything wrong, Dad. Daphne merely changed her mind about getting married and although Donny is entitled to his pain, he is not entitled to sue everyone under the sun.
Martin: You guys are nuts. Donny's a pit bull. Why don't you come up with some cash, put it on a stick and shove it into his cage?
Frasier: Oh, yes, thank you, Dad.
Martin: And don't even try to get the stick back. Just run.

Roz: Thanks for letting me tape your CDs.
Martin: Since when do you two have the same taste in music?
Roz: Well, actually, it's for Alice. I read an article that said listening to classical music makes toddlers smarter. Something about making their brain bigger, or wider... I don't know.
Frasier: I believe the word you're looking for is "smartified."
Roz: Oh, yeah? Well guess which word I'm looking for now.

Roz: Hey, you've been spending a lot of time "celebrating" with this lawyer.
Frasier: Oh, yes, yes. Well, actually, we've been out a couple of times. I'm really rather taken with her. She has a very playful side. She took me miniature golfing last night.
Martin: Oh, sure. When she takes you it's playful, when I take you it ends up as a story in the high school literary magazine.
Frasier: Dad, please, "Through the Clown's Mouth Darkly" took second in the all-city fiction contest that year.

Martin: Come on, Fras, Abby isn't the first lawyer to pad a bill.
Frasier: Well, maybe not, but, you know, Abby is not that kind of lawyer.
Martin: Oh, what world are you living in? They're all that kind of lawyer.
Frasier: I admit four thousand dollars does seem rather high for phone consultations. Who the hell's she talking to?
Martin: All her friends, bragging about the new sucker she's got on the hook.

Niles: Oh, I don't believe it. Donny just walked in. I said don't look.
Frasier: No, you did not.
Niles: Can you imagine anything more embarrassing than seeing us here?
Abby: Your menu's on fire.
Niles: Well, yes, that would be embarrassing... Oh!

Daphne: Now we know why he dropped the lawsuit.
Abby: Yes, he's in love.
Daphne: Or on the rebound.
Abby: Well, either way, it's good news for all of you. In fact, let's order another bottle of champagne. And by the way, dinner is on me, or rather, the firm.
Frasier: Oh, no, no. I couldn't let you do that, Abby. I wanted to pay for dinner.
Martin: Don't worry, you are.

Niles: Oh, Frasier, I was just coming up to see you.
Frasier: Oh, hi, Niles. Say, you're looking a little green around the gills.
Niles: Please, don't even mention gills. The Yale Club had its annual luncheon at Vashon Island, all seafood.
Frasier: Ah, didn't agree with you?
Niles: Oh, no, the food was fine. It was the four-foot swells coming back on the ferry that didn't agree with me. I'm afraid I was forced to return my sea bass to the sea.

Computer: You have e-mail.
Abby: I'm not reading them. The office is closed.
Frasier: That's a very good decision. That is partner-level thinking.
Abby: Wait. What am I thinking? You sent me another one of those naughty e-mails, haven't you? Maybe we should act this one out.
Frasier: No, no. Actually, I just forwarded you an ad for reduced mortgage rates.
Abby: Why are you blushing, Frasier?
Frasier: Because they're embarrassingly low.