Frasier: All right, then. Come on, callers, don't be shy. There's still time to talk with the good doctor. Five open lines.Who's this, then, Roz? On line one, uh, whom do we have? I understand we have... Susan, who recently moved here from... Texas.
Frasier: Go ahead, Susan, I'm listening.
Roz: [in a Texan accent] Hi, Dr. Crane. I'm new in town, from Texas, and uh, I just left my husband.
Frasier: I see, and why did you do that?
Roz: Well, uh... [losing the accent] Oh, I know. He was abusive!
Frasier: That couldn't have been easy for you.
Roz: [resuming Texas accent] Well, my girlfriend helped me. We just got in our convertible and drove through the desert, and we stopped at this honky-tonk. I started dancing with this cowboy--long story short, he roughed me up, and my friend killed him--but then we met the cutest cowboy, but he stole all our money, so we robbed a gas station and blew up a tanker truck-
Frasier: Yes, I'm afraid we're out of time. I will finish with you off the air, Susan.

Frasier: Well, thank you, Thelma. Or is it Louise?
Roz: Don't snap at me because you didn't get any phone calls today. I told you not to put me on the spot again.
Frasier: I'm sorry, Roz, but I was desperate. You know, I really think you were closer with that character yesterday. The young teen who moved into the town that had banned dancing. Now that, that had the tang of reality.
Roz: That was Footloose, you idiot.

Martin: Hey, I thought you were working tonight.
Ronee: I got the night off, and I am kidnapping you for the weekend.
Martin: Where we going?
Ronee: My boss gave me his house in the mountains. It's very romantic. There's this little family of deer that comes right up to the window, so you might want to bring your...
Martin: My camera? I will.
Ronee: I was going to say gun, but suit yourself.

Ronee: Oh, you are going to love it. There's this amazing view of the lake. You can see every star in the sky.
Martin: Wow! Is there a VCR there? Because I just bought a couple of great old Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire movies.
Ronee: Well, why didn't you just rent them?
Martin: I did, last August.

Martin: That was really nice of your boss to give you the cabin. What made him do it?
Ronee: I put out.
Martin: That's my girl!

Frasier: I hate people.
Martin: What's the matter with you?
Frasier: In a perfect ending to a perfect day, the driver next to me swerved to avoid hitting a squirrel, running me into a pothole and drenching me in coffee. I hate squirrels, too.
Martin: Well, maybe it was for the best. The coffee might have made you irritable.

Martin: Well, uh, now are you sure, Fras? 'Cause, you know, uh, come to think of it, there are lots of squirrels up there.
Frasier: Well, I-I don't mind them in their own milieu. Oh, gosh, I'm so looking forward to taking in some mountain air with the two of you. And isn't this fortuitous? I've just had my Tyrolean hat re-feathered.

Niles: Two of my patients cancelled, and Daphne and I spent the afternoon arguing over which diaper pail we would buy for the nursery. Then, driving home, I successfully avoided hitting a squirrel, only to be nearly run off the road by some horn-happy maniac.
Frasier: That was me, you simp. You nearly killed me.
Niles: You nearly killed me! And what was that crude multi-part gesture you unleashed on me?
Frasier: I had hot coffee all over my hand.

Martin: Ronee and I are taking a walk down to the lake. Anybody interested?
Frasier: Oh, no thanks, Pa. I'm fixin' to have me some vittles.
Ronee: Is he going to talk hillbilly all weekend?
Martin: Ah, you should have heard him the weekend of the Renaissance Faire.

Niles: Well, clearly it troubled you. It might help you to discuss it. You know how I enjoy interpreting dreams.
Frasier: Mmm. Well, all right, uh... [clears throat] it took place in this very kitchen, and... I was married to Daphne and we were expecting a baby, and, uh, you were dead, and I killed you.
Niles: Well, I can see how that might disturb you.
Frasier: Indeed.
Niles: A man of your intellect having such an obvious dream.
Frasier: I beg your pardon?
Niles: Oh, come on. You're lonely, and you envy what I have. I was just hoping for something more complex, you know, a stairway leading nowhere or Mom giving you a physical.
Frasier: Well, there were many other perplexing details that I left out. For instance, uh, well, there was um... a wheat thresher and some sausage patties. And Eddie was dead, too.
Niles: Ah, well, there's a real head-scratcher.
Frasier: Well, thank you for your exhaustive analysis, Dr. Crane. Perhaps you should relocate your offices to a drive-thru so your patients could speak into a clown's nose.