Frasier: Oh, Niles. You realize that this is illegal? Did you actually drive yourself here?
Niles: I'm a little too toasted for that, Frasier. No, the minute I knew I was getting baked tonight, I called a cab. And I printed my name and address on a card in my pocket in case I'm still too crispy to speak to the cab driver taking me home.
Frasier: I judge by all this rich terminology that you've done some research?
Niles: Yes, I know all the symptoms I can expect to experience. I'm especially looking forward to something called the "munchies" stage. It's where one enjoys bizarre food combinations. I'm thinking of pairing this Chilean sea bass with an aggressive Zinfandel!

Frasier: Dad, when you were at the café today, you didn't eat a brownie that Roz brought for Niles, did you?
Martin: Yeah, but I replaced it.
Frasier: For God's sake. That was a pot brownie. You're stoned off your ass!
Niles: Well, someone must feel pretty out of it, being the only one here who isn't completely burnt.
Frasier: Oh, knock it off, you imbecile. You're as sober as I am!

Martin: I decided to stay home, do some decorating.
Frasier: Ah yes, that magical time of year when the Great Wall of China and my apartment are the only two man-made structures visible from space.

Martin: Hey, hey, Niles, let me ask you something. Do you ever feel like you'd just like to go straight?
Niles: What?
Martin: Well, you know, I was walking home, and I kept thinking about all the turns we have to make. Right turn, left turn. How much easier it'd be if we just could go straight over the trees, over a building. That's what a giant would do. They should let everybody be a giant for a day.

Martin: Oh, Eddie and I must have walked about three miles. I'm sweating like a pig.
[As Martin gets ready to sit down, Frasier pulls the chair back with his feet.]
Martin: What the hell are you doing?
Frasier: I am saving that seat for someone who may not wish to have it bedewed with pig sweat.

Frasier: You know, it's funny. When you called me at the last minute, there was a small, madly insecure part of me that wondered if I was your second choice.
Natalie: No, you weren't the second.

Frederick: You all don't have to treat me like I'm some kind of freak.
Martin: No, we're not, Freddie. It's great to see you. [to Frasier] Maybe you could move up that trip to the garlic festival.

Frasier: Oh, dear God! Well, thank you Lilith, for mentioning this little development.
Daphne: Oh, it's just a phase. All teenagers go through a rebellious period. It always passes. You should have seen me at that age. Dating the older boys, hitch-hiking, drinking, shop-lifting. Do you know I can carry a frozen turkey between me knees?
Niles: That'll come in handy if we ever misplace our serving platter at Thanksgiving.

Husband: Excuse me, are you using this chair?
Frasier: Well, doesn't that have a familiar ring to it? The weary holiday traveler and his pregnant wife seeking kindness from a stranger...
Natalie: [entering] Frasier?
Frasier: I'm afraid I am, yes.

Frasier: What?
Niles: I've waited for this all my life, Frasier — one act of utter, devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness! And, of course, I'll have a nurse on speed-dial in case things get too hairy.
Frasier: And exactly which of your connections in the Seattle demimonde is going to get you this reefer?
Roz: [entering] Okay, Niles, you're hooked up.